Alyssa Milano Releases A Sex Tape — Almost

alyssamilanoWhat were my first thoughts when I read: Alyssa Milano  Releases a Sex Tape?  

I thought, oh god, not her, not my my precious  Samantha Micelli.  Not my save a buck or two Eva Savelot.  Wasn’t Pathology or Poison Ivy already sex tape enough?  Plus she is so damn nice on twitter, I was beginning to Fear the worse. I bet she’d even retweet me if I asked nicely enough!  She is such a Charmer.

I will admit, I did grow up with her on Who’s The Boss.  Yes, we grew up together in more ways than one.  My childhood’s Deadly Sins. It was either Wendy Cooper from Wonder Years, Punky Brewster, Laura Ingalls from Little House on The Prairie, or Samantha Micelli from Who’s The Boss.  I won’t mention Saved By The Bell because even I threw myself for a loop with that one.  Oh Lisa Turtle, you chocolate princess, I don’t care if Screech would have fought me to keep you from me, you gave me my first taste of jungle fever.   Sex tape, rated r movie, or even a soft core after midnight Cinemax movie like Hugo Pool, our attention is yours… which was Alyssa Milano’s plan to begin with.  She pulls us in like the Embrace of the Vampire.

Oh Alyssa, if your annoying boyfriend laying in bed with rose petals surrounding him wasn’t enough, you just had to lean over and show us those glorious Eva Savelot breasts that have helped me numerous times save a friend a buck or two dialing 1-800-collect.  However, before I could get too comfortable and enjoy Alyssa’s Utopia Below, her huge foot accidentally knocks the camera into The Outer Limits so all we see is the evening news regarding Syria.   Honestly, I don’t know if this Celebrity Hoax Tape upsets the loyal Who’s The Boss fan base  more than it will upset them when they realize that instead of recording their hot and steamy session of throwing their covers around while sounding like a laboring farm animal,  they instead recorded that boring ass news broadcast.

If there was a hidden message in this video, I’d say it was Alyssa Milano isn’t showing what she has shown many times before.  One thing I do know, she didn’t do PETA any favors, because after hearing the audio of what it was supposed to sound like to have sex with her, I seriously want to eat an entire cow while it’s mooing in my ear.

I’m a little bit torn because I am unsure of whether I should put this in Sex News or Off Topic sections?  Alyssa, what would you prefer?  Tweet me sweetie.  @fuckblogging

Review: Pam & Tommy Lee Hardcore and Uncensored (Pamela Anderson)

tommyandpam

I suppose you are wondering why anyone would review the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee sex tape 18 years later. Damn, 18 years later?!    Well, first of all, our entire site is based off real couples and real sex.  This video is a bit of both.  Also, it doesn’t feel right reviewing sex tapes or future sex tapes without at least writing our opinions about the godfather of them all. Yes, it’s a bit outdated but it has to be done.  The fun part is we have never really watched these videos so for us it’s still our first impressions.

 A bit of background for those of you that may have been underage or under a rock when this tape leaked.  Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee had a sex tape of them on their honeymoon leak in 1995 after it was stolen from their home.  Anderson sued the video distribution company, Internet Entertainment Group. Ultimately, the Lees entered into a confidential settlement agreement with IEG. Thereafter, the company began making the tape available to subscribers to its web sites again, resulting in triple the normal traffic on the sites.

Another tape, which was made before the Tommy Lee tape, involving Anderson and musician Bret Michaels from Poison, was later announced, and an abridged version of less than 60 seconds appeared on the internet. Frames of the video first appeared in Penthouse magazine in March 1998. The tape was successfully blocked by Michaels, but a four-minute sex tape is still available on the Internet.

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Review: Farrah Abraham in Backdoor Teen Mom Sex Tape

farrahabrahamFrom MTV’s Teen Mom to Backdoor Squirting Milf Porn Star.  You saw how she raised her child, now you can see how she makes them. Farrah Abraham released her sex tape via Vivid for sell and download, the same company that released Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee (Pam and Tommy), Jimi Hendrix, Kim Kardashian, WWE Diva Chyna, and a number of other B / C / D level celebs that can only get your attention by fucking each other’s brains out on camera…

… the same way we do!

I’m not mad at you Farrah, sex is beautiful, and doing it the way you do it is even more beautiful.   Co-star / porn actor James Deen has openly said that recording this video was just another day in the office for him.  Any claims of this being a “private” sex tape is false, as it was purposely recorded in home video fashion to create more interest.    Farrah, no need to pretend it’s a home video, just tell everyone you take it in the ass and squirt all over the room, that’s all the buzz you need.

Farrah Abraham just went from the most annoying D level reality star / teen mom on earth, to now just a somewhat slightly annoying milf with A level porn skills.  Her new large breasts and open-attitude towards anal sex definitely puts her a lot higher in my book.  Although her oral skills need work,  her anal, ass to mouth, ass to pussy then back to ass then back to pussy then back to mouth,  and squirting techniques will make even the most uptight executive at Viacom proud.  Good find MTV!  Your casting director and talent scouts need raises for sure.

Vivid’s synopsis:

“From Iowa cheerleader to MTV Teen Mom star, midwest beauty Farrah Abraham breaks free with her most daring video ever, Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom. Made originally as a personal ‘boudoir’ tape, Farrah decided to release the video to her fans due to overwhelming response once news of the tape became public for download. Shockingly explicit, she takes James Deen as you’d never imagine, in a backdoor scene you’ll never forget. With her tight young body and totally uninhibited sexuality, it’s no wonder why she wanted to capture this moment in time. And now you can too!” 

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MTV Teen Mom Star, Farrah Abraham releases sex tape

From MTV’s Teen Mom to Backdoor Squirting Milf Porn Star.  Farrah Abraham released her sex tape today via Vivid, the same company that released Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee (Pam and Tommy), Jimi Hendrix, Kim Kardashian, WWE Diva Chyna, and a number of other B / C / D level celebs that can only get your attention by fucking each other’s brains out on camera…

… the same way we do!

I’m not mad at you Farrah, sex is beautiful, and doing it the way you do it is even better.   Co-star / porn actor James Deen has openly said that recording this video was just another day in the office for him.  Any claims of this being a “private” sex tape is false, as it was purposely recorded in home video fashion to create more interest.   Her partner in the video is a known porn star.  Farrah, no need to pretend it’s a home video, just tell everyone you take it in the ass and squirt all over the room, that’s all the buzz you need.

Farrah Abraham just went from the most annoying reality star / teen mom on earth, to now just a somewhat slightly annoying milf.  Her new large breasts and open-attitude towards anal sex definitely puts her a lot higher in my book.  Although her oral skills need work,  her anal and squirting techniques will make even the most uptight executive at Viacom proud.  Good find MTV!  Your casting director and talent scouts need raises for sure.

Vivid’s synopsis:

“From Iowa cheerleader to MTV Teen Mom star, midwest beauty Farrah Abraham breaks free with her most daring video ever, Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom. Made originally as a personal ‘boudoir’ tape, Farrah decided to release the video to her fans due to overwhelming response once news of the tape became public for download. Shockingly explicit, she takes James Deen as you’d never imagine, in a backdoor scene you’ll never forget. With her tight young body and totally uninhibited sexuality, it’s no wonder why she wanted to capture this moment in time. And now you can too!” 

If you’re internet savvy, check the bay for the full release.