Q&A: Should I Tell The Husband’s Wife he is Gay and Sleeping With Me?

gay husbandQ&A: Should I Tell The Husband’s Wife he is Gay and Sleeping With Me?

We met on Grindr. I live in a major city, he lived in a small suburb about 40 minutes away, so we always met up in my city for dates and my apartment for sex for the past 3 years, once or twice a week. Plus he went to a gym that was close to my apartment, so he was always in the area, there was never really a reason for me to go out to the suburbs. We were never exclusive, and he’s bisexual, so I knew he was having sex with both men and women while we were doing our thing.

One day without any warning he blocked my number. I needed to know what I’d done wrong. So I started sleuthing online, trying to find an e-mail address I use to write him, if only to get closure. He has a very generic name (like “John Smith” but not actually “John Smith). I don’t use Facebook, and so when he said he didn’t have Facebook, it didn’t really raise any red flags for me. But I got on Facebook and start searching for everyone with his name: no luck. I knew he was friends with a trainer at the gym, so I found the trainer on Facebook, and started going through his friends list: no one with that name. But I found someone else with his picture. And he was married.

gay husbandI’ve been coming to terms with the fact that I’ve been having sex for the past 3 years with a married man whose name I didn’t even know. Not only did he tell me his name was “John Smith” but he told me he’d been engaged but broken up with his fiancee because he’d caught her cheating, and while he was heartbroken, realized he was bisexual and decided to explore that side of his sexuality. Instead, he was married and he’d been cheating on his wife.

A part of me wants to contact his wife to tell her he’s been having unprotected sex with other women and men. I don’t know whether it’s out of concern for her health and safety–I’m on PreP but I doubt she is–or to satisfy my need for vengeance. But another part of me doesn’t want to out his sexuality. I don’t know what to do.

Venice’s response to gay husband

gay husbandInteresting question.  Part of me says tell the wife, because she deserves to know.  The other part of me says, snitches get stitches.  

Let’s try to figure out why he blocked you.

The chances are, when he blocked you he was already caught.  Especially if he blocked you for no reason and without warning.  Whether it be she found emails or texts from you two, or another man (or woman).   In the process of working it out, most people require all outside contact is shut off, cold turkey.   Whether it be from her, or from him showing her that he will never do it again.  A guilty conscious, him trying to do what is right, or her doing it for him and him being cooperative.   Him reaching out “one last time” for closure, shows he cared.   We have to assume he told his wife he doesn’t care about any of them, it was just sex.

Sound familiar?

If you do reach out, just know, the wife is more likely to believe him than you anyway.  You may cause an argument, but he will more than likely find a way to label you as some weird stalker from the gym.  He’ll downplay anything he has done. And once they’ve cleared that up, him ever contacting you again is definitely out of the picture. 

My advice is let him go and move on.  If he has already made the steps to block you, and it really was without reason, then she probably already knows.  Blocking you seems reactive to them probably getting in a fight over her seeing the emails herself.  If you ever want to see him again, show him you can keep your relationship discrete and do your own thing.  

Remember, you aren’t just calling her and letting her know he is a cheater, you are calling her and letting her know he is a cheater and gay.  Be careful.

Ryan’s response to gay husband

gay husbandIt seems like him blocking you for no reason would be the biggest hint that she already knows.  He was probably already caught.  His reaction was to block everyone to show her he is a changed man.  Telling the wife only shows that he will never be able to trust you again, if he ever did (he has been lying to you the whole time).  You’re not going to be the hero that saves her from STDs, but you will get that revenge you may subconsciously want.  

I find it hard to believe after 3 years with “John Smith” you didn’t already know the deal.  I think now that you lost contact,  you are desperate and trying to think of any way to get back in contact with him, even if its through his wife.  Start the healing process and let it go.   

 

Q&A: My Boyfriend and I tried anal play and now he feels disgusting.

boyfriend anal playMy Boyfriend and I tried anal play and now he feels disgusting.

I’m a 20 year old female and my boyfriend is 21.  We decided to try something new and it started off with me eating his ass, which he liked.  I then put my finger in and he loved it.  When I tried to put two fingers in, he orgasmed.  This was the first time he has finished so quickly.  He usually takes between 30-60 minutes even with penetrative sex to orgasm and he never orgasms just from head.  But this time, he jerked off as I played with his ass and he came within just a few minutes!

After he was done he had a weird look on his face, got up immediately and went to the bathroom.  When he came back he wouldn’t even look at me. I tried to get him to open up and he said that he liked it but he’s angry and feels disgusting for liking it. I told him I won’t bring it up again unless he wants to try it again at some point and he replied saying he would do it again in an instant, he just feels so disgusting and emasculated for liking it.

butt playI tried telling him that our bodies are weird and why should we limit ourselves when there is so much pleasure to be found everywhere. Plus every first time is an emotional experience but he wouldn’t even look at me or say anything.  After about 30 mins he told me he needs to go and went back to his place.

 

I think this may be stemming from his upbringing (we are both from very strict Asian backgrounds) and it sucks seeing him feel so disgusted with himself when it’s something he just found out he enjoys. I want him to be happy and feel good and I’ve never seen him feel this way about himself, especially when it comes to sexual things

How do I handle this without making the situation worse ?

Venice’s response to boyfriend anal play

 

ass play boyfriend peggingPersonally, as an Asian woman, I do not think Asian culture is any different than masculine men culture, it’s universally embarrassing for most straight men to first come out about enjoying fingers in your ass.  Even now, in a lot of urban, more masculine cultures in America, some men won’t even admit to masturbating.  It’s a sign of weakness.  Why masturbate when I can get pussy?   And a lot of men, especially the immature ones in their early teens to late 20s, still get embarrassed at the thought of eating pussy.   

Say what?!  Whether it be gross, emasculating, or a sign of being a cuck…why would they eat the hole other men have fucked?  And of course, all of these reasons are immature and dumb as fuck!  Excuse my French.

With that said, I believe this has changed a lot in recent years.  Because now it seems men are open about not only eating pussy, but have no issues admitting they love to dive face first into a woman’s ass.  I believe social media has helped open up men from all walks of life, to admit what they enjoy, because social media still has a bit of anonymity to it.  And the truth is, men have always loved to dive in and “accidentally” lick our asses, low key.  And a lot of them didn’t mind a wandering finger during a blow job.

get this dock

Before I get into answering your question, let me make sure you understand my perspective.  I am the Asian girl who wrote “A Total ‘How To’ Woman’s Guide To Licking Your Man’s Ass.”

In other words, I am all for anal play, ass play, pegging, or whatever else a couple can do with each other’s bodies. However, this doesn’t happen over night.  Most men, especially after trying something some people consider “gay” for the first time, will show some sort of embarrassment. He isn’t going to take it up the ass and be proud afterwards.  He has to be careful, he wants to know you understand he isn’t gay.  He also possibly feels he has to overreact to ensure you understand, this isn’t something he would “normally” do.   And what’s also interesting, he may have the same reaction with all the other women he dates in the future.  For whatever reason, even in an open minded relationship, men can’t just come out and say they love ass play.  It’s a gradual admission.

Just be patient, accepting, and make sure you keep letting him know that you don’t consider anything the two of you can do to each others’ bodies gay, or even a sign of gayness.  Nor should he be emasculated.  Give him time.  Eventually you will find yourself diving down to his ass, kissing him afterwards, and enjoying what a couple can do with each other, without the shame that comes along with it.  It’s a sexual maturation process we all go through.  And I mean ALL OF US.

Ryan’s response to boyfriend anal play

 

boyfriend anal play

Just to start this off, I’d like to link to one of the most masculine guy in the world, who openly admits he prefers transwomen to non transwomen.   I can’t go into each video or find the exact moments, but his name is Big Lenny and he is extremely open with his sexuality.  He does not say he is gay, but he keeps it no secret that he likes butt play, likes beautiful women with penises, and would tear your head off if you questioned his masculinity.

The Delray Misfits – YouTube

Obviously your boyfriend is embarrassed.  Most men do not just throw the legs up and let a woman dive in unless it’s something they thought about privately at some point.  I am sure if you discussed something new and found his ass up in the air enough for you to lick it, he knew exactly what he wanted to try.  Sometimes when we expose ourselves to our kinks and leave ourselves extremely vulnerable.  Yes, depending on the kink, we get overwhelmed with embarrassment as soon as we orgasm.  The first time I orgasmed in front of Nessa, I cried.  I just felt so weird, so exposed, so wrong (wtf), that crying just felt right for me.  It was something I had only done by myself up until that moment so I felt super vulnerable and didn’t know how she’d think of me.

We are taught to do anything sexual alone and keep our kinks hidden.  When exposed, we feel vulnerable and exposed.  Sometimes the kinks we enjoy, aren’t perceived as masculine, so it’s also emasculating.   It isn’t uncommon for us to put on a show, to make sure the person knows, “This isn’t the normal me.  I am so much more manly and tough, I’d never cum to a finger in my ass and be proud!!!!   Roar!  I am a man, hear me roar!”

boyfriend anal playSo we put on a little “show.” Acting upset, shocked, or just letting the other person know how disgusted we are, may be some authentic emotion, but it is also to save face.  And we’ll save face until we feel comfortable that you didn’t judge us, you accepted our kink, and it’s okay to enjoy what we enjoy.  So far, you have done everything right!  You said all the right things.  You were patient.  You have now went through all the obstacles you think he is going through, from being embarrassed or emasculated, and are starting to understand, he isn’t gay.  He just likes anal play.  Now, imagine all the women that first play with their man’s asses and question his sexuality.  This happens all the time!  And good for you,  you didn’t do that.  But just know, he has his own process he has to go through to ensure you understand him.  Give him time.  His kink is exposed.  He obviously really enjoyed it.  It will only get better from here, as long as you keep an open mind.

Question for Women: I Just Had The Worst Sex Of My Life, TWICE. How do I deal with this?

worst sex of my lifeQuestion for Women: I Just Had The Worst Sex Of My Life, TWICE. How do I deal with this?

Oh my god. The pain. RIP vagina.

I’m 26 and the guy I’m sleeping with is 22. Initially, I was worried because of the age difference (especially in bed per sexual experience) but we’ve been friends for years and there’s always been a lot of sexual tension between us. So I invited him over to hang out and next thing I know I’m being jackhammered.

worst-sex-of-my-lifeNow I’m not here to insult anyone who enjoys being jackhammered, and I am going to mention some rough sex is really good when it’s right. HOWEVER, this was undeniably the most painful and worst sexual experience I’ve ever had… twice..

First of all, this guy has a big package. Girth and length, so I knew it would take some easing into. Second of all, I could immediately tell how awfully desensitized he was when there was little to no reaction to my hands/mouth. And third, he didn’t even orgasm after an hour of sex and an hour of pounding me. I’m so incredibly shocked and disturbed by the entire ordeal I had no idea where to get it out but here.

rougher sexThe first time we had sex he went wild. He was ripping me around the bed, licking my butthole, putting fingers in every hole possible, choking me, jackhammering me. (Talk about boundaries?!) I was so shocked by it all I was barely able to communicate properly. I was so uncomfortable. I mentioned to him “do you ever have slow sex?” “woah relax” but he was not taking any hints. I actually had to stop him after 45 minutes because my vagina was so raw and he was not even close to climaxing. I chalked it up to him being young and nervous and just trying to impress me by doing anything he can think of but I was so wrong.

I figured I would mention it to him if we ended up in bed again. The second time when we were making out I made a joke that I was scared to sleep with him because he’s A) huge and B) crazy (not in a good way) he needs to slow down.. So he spent extra time touching me, going down on me, was slow to jump into sex, but when we did get into sex he was insane. He had no reaction to me riding him, NONE. Instead, he fucked me even harder than the last time and the only way he could cum was by literally jackhammering me forever. It was fucking horrible and so painful.

worst sexHere’s the thing. We were good friends before all of this and it’s safe to say I never want to sleep with him again, but he is really into me. He texts me to hang out all the time, takes me on nice dates, spends hours talking to me.. but the sex is just terrible.. I know he’s going to ask what’s up when I tell him I’m not interested in sleeping with him and I want to lay it all out for the poor guy before he goes into his prime 20’s thinking that’s how women want to be fucked. He’s clearly got a major death grip/porn addiction and it’s disturbing. So how do I navigate this?!!

Venice’s response to worse sex of my life

Interesting story.  This is extremely simple to navigate… tell him.

Because sexual experiences are subjective and some women find getting their brains fucked out by a 20 year old stud as great sex, I don’t think he will be ruined by your preferences.  Just make sure he knows, it’s not all women, but your preference.   It also may be because who wants to be jackhammered and have your pussy fucked raw by a guy you see as an adorable pal that you chit chat with but never really wanted to fuck in the first place?

Just let him know your deal.  

On another note, I find it unusual you can tell he has a “death grip/porn addiction” based off being jackhammered by a young stud that wants to fuck your brains out.  

Ryan’s response to worse sex of my life

I agree with Venice.  Although the story is fun, this is an extremely easy one.   Tell him.

As far as riding him and being able to tell he has death grip?  Huh?  Being rode is a much different sensation than doggy, missionary, or any type of penetration where the man can control how his penis pistons inside a woman.  In fact, I’d say being rode gives the least sensation simply because it kind of just stirs the penis inside the women, just rubbing around her insides, rather than pistoning in and out.  It’s a good sensation, but a lot of guys will flip you over and really fuck you down before we orgasm.  And it’s not because of death grip or a porn addiction.  It’s because that stirring sensation really gets us horny but not quite enough sensation to get that release.  Frustrated, we really take it out on a woman’s pussy when we get on top of her.

The same can be said for the hand or mouth, as a lot of men just can’t orgasm from oral sex.  A mouth feels amazing, but just can’t compare to a tight vagina.

Otherwise, good luck navigating this friendship.  I’d say you got in over your head with a guy that had been dreaming of fucking your brains out, while you saw him as a casual friend that you probably don’t desire.  And you really don’t want your brains fucked out by a guy you have little desire for.  Probably a bit embarrassing to get your back blown out by a guy you kind wanted on the side as you found a real love interest.

 

Public Service Announcement for Men: Don’t Ruin Our Orgasms!

Public Service Announcement for Men: Don’t Ruin Our Orgasms

If we say we are about to cum, don’t stop what you are doing!

Ladies, has this ever happened to you?

You are trying to focus your vision, while feeling his penis slide back and forth inside your body, but everything is a bit blurry.  You feel  totally paralyzed but can still feel the jarring of your body from your man fucking you.  Your spine is tingling, you feel a spark in your labia, and your vagina has this warm sensation growing deep inside of your cervix.   You are so high from his dick, you can barely function.  You can’t even mumble a phrase properly, let alone talk in coherent sentences.  And then you snap out of it.  It’s about to happen.  The orgasm almost surprises you so you scream out, “Oh my God, I am about to cum!!!!

And then… his reaction.

 


Reaction 1:   Your man pulls his dick out and jumps down to your pussy and starts sucking on your clit and eating you out.

Reaction 2: Your man starts jackhammering and choking you as you try to cum.

Reaction 3: Your man slows down and tries to kiss you passionately, showing you how much he loves you while you are trying to cum.

Reaction 4:  Your man immediately pulls out and cums all over you, your breasts, or your face right in the middle of your orgasm.

Reaction 5:  Your man gets so turned on from hearing you say, “Oh my God, I am going to cum” that he immediately cums inside of you and flops down like a sloth on top of you.


 

Now, I am not saying all these reactions are wrong for every girl, but definitely wrong for me.  Some women may love these reactions.  Knowing they can control you.  Some women may even say they are going to cum just to manipulate you.  It’s easily the fastest way to trigger your lover and make him lose control.  Famous words to make every man stop watching the clock, “I’m going to cum!”

However, let’s say we were actually in the middle of our orgasm.  For the love of God, hold off from cumming for at least 40 more seconds!  Maintain and edge!  Don’t start jackhammering, choking us, or spitting in our faces.  Definitely don’t slow down and try to kiss us, whispering how much you love us while we’re in the middle of an absolute explosion.  Don’t pull your dick out and start eating us out.  I know you want to taste my cum, but wait until I am done and you can taste all of my cum you want, and if you are really kinky, yours too!  And for sure don’t pull your dick out and cum all over our faces.  The last thing I want to do while I cum is pull off a matrix dodging cum and doing a squint dance with my eyes.  I just want to fucking cum!

Keep doing exactly what you are doing! Trust your movements, your pace, your sex.  You already did everything you need to do to get us off, so keep fucking doing it!  

Question for men: Are you against having your ass touched and/or tasting your own cum? And if so, why?

eat your own cumQuestion for men: Are you against having your ass touched and/or tasting your own cum? And if so, why?

I’m asking because every single man I’ve been with (including my current boyfriend) has been firmly against those two things. The men I’ve fucked have constantly touched/entered my ass enjoying anal.  They have also shoved their fingers in my mouth after fingering me without it even being a second thought or discussed.  Even though I am totally cool with it, I just want to know why men won’t kiss me after cumming in my mouth.  It seems silly to me I don’t get it.

Venice’s response to tasting your own cum

I find it silly as well.  In fact, for me, this isn’t even something I’d accept.  Anything I feel like doing, I am going to do to my husband.  We can even mix those two scenarios together.  If I decide to finger his asshole and stick it in his mouth, he better suck on my fingers.  I’d be upset if he didn’t.  With that said, we are married.  It took a long time for us to get comfortable with each other, trust each other with all our dark skeletons and kinks, and be able to do whatever it is two humans can possibly do to each other without having to worry about judgement.

I’d think with dating or random hook ups, the man risks kissing you after he cums and not knowing if you will keep his secret.  He hasn’t talked to you enough to know you would love that type of thing.  He also hasn’t talked to you enough to know that you wouldn’t tell every single friend how he licked his cum off your chest after he came.  Whether we accept it or not, a man doing those types of things may emasculate him to other men that hear about it.  So they keep their guards up. 

Until they trust you… and then you can stand them on their heads and milk their cocks into their own mouths.

Ryan’s response to tasting your own cum

Without a lot of experience with women other than my wife, I can’t say what I would be like as a single man.   I do think women who are okay with tasting themselves, shows me they are confident, know their body is clean, know their pussy is good, and to taste themselves is a huge turn on for me.  If a woman was grossed out by her own body, I would probably be turned off.  Or just want to get it over with as fast as possible.  

Let’s flip the coin.

If a man eats his cum, or goes down and eats his own creampie, not all women find that attractive.  They may actually see it as emasculating, or beta.  Something cucks do.  Although we don’t kink shame here at fuckblogging, not all women want a man that is beta or a cuck.  So a man has to worry about looking weak, or looking like a beta to a female.  Even if he wanted to kiss you after he came in your mouth.  It goes back to the idea of women can do gay things and not be judged by other women, while men doing gay things are looked down on by straight men.  

And as far as boyfriends, dates, or short-term relationships go, a man may just stay reserved.  If you break up with him, who knows who you will tell about how he gargles his own semen after he drinks it from your vagina.  Like Nessa said, it’s probably something you will find out men enjoy when you are in long-term relationships, or married.