Misconceptions You Had About Sex When You Were Younger

Misconceptions you had about sex as a kid.

From the birds and bees, to that dang stork that would magically drop off your new brother 9 months after your dad came home drunk and him and your mother had a screaming contest in the locked bedroom!  As a young child hitting puberty, there isn’t anything more mysterious about sex, especially before we had the internet.  There were no quick answers and sex blogs.  

Shea Curry, actress and blogger at Shameless Mama
“When I was little, I thought that if I pumped my hands together 20 times a night my boobs would grow. I did this a solid two years in the hopes of becoming at least a B cup like my mom. To my disappointment, I’ve barely been an A cup my whole life. Sigh…” 

Venice:  I had no idea that breasts were made of fatty tissue and the size wasn’t something you could control.  I thought it was muscle and if I would exercise, they would grow.  I remember doing push ups and bench pressing the bar thinking I would get so much muscle I would give Dolly Parton a run for her money!  Boy was I wrong.

Ryan:  I didn’t know how to masturbate. I have already made a blog about prone masturbation.  I thought rubbing my body back and forth on a pillow was how everyone masturbated.  I didn’t know anything about using my hands, jacking off, or any other techniques.  I just laid on the floor prone and moved my hips until it tickled and I wet myself.  I remember doing this at such an early age that when it tickled (later I find out I was having an orgasm), nothing came out.  It wouldn’t be until I was an adult and with Venice, that I would jack off for the first time.  She taught me how to do it properly.  How weird is that?

Dan Perlman, comedian
“When I was a kid, my friend’s older brother told us ― that’s where 90 percent of misinformation comes, a friend’s older brother ― that sex was ‘kissing while you’re naked in the shower.’ I’m not sure where he got that from, or how he justified the shower as an essential part, but yeah, I switched from baths to showers after that so I’d be one step closer.” 

Ryan:  When I first had sex, I didn’t have any idea that you couldn’t use soap or shampoo as lube.   The good part is, I didn’t think the vagina needed lube, so I didn’t accidentally destroy Venice’s insides with my inexperience.  The bad part is, we did try to anal and I knew that I would need lube for that.  Venice ran up the wall screaming.   One, we were standing.  Two, we were using soap as lube.  Three, for two people totally inexperienced, there was no way I was getting my dick in her ass.  Not like that.  To think back, had I actually been able to penetrate, I don’t think there would have been anything worse than her ripped anus with soap being used as lube.  

Ryan:  Speaking of burning.  I once sprayed cologne on my balls because I wanted to make sure I smelled amazing.  Little did I know, the skin around my balls is so sensitive and anything like alcohol touching it would burn worse than anything I had ever felt in my life.  I jumped so fast into a cold bath.  I had no idea that my ball skin was totally different than the rest of my body.

Julie Krafchick, creator and producer of the “Date/able” podcast
“My parents told me that a stork delivered me, and I think I believed them well into middle school.” 

Ryan:  I didn’t know a woman had a “bottom” of her vagina.  For some reason I thought I would just be able to have sex and the walls would feel warm and tight.  The last thing I ever thought about was that a vagina is only so big and your penis can rub the bottom of her hole.  For months I would have sex with Venice and be in awe that a woman’s body had limits.  Not sure why I didn’t know this.

Venice:  I didn’t realize this until I had sex either.  You do not know the sensations until you feel a penis for the first time, but the pressure deep inside, the bladder and back walls being pushed, was the weirdest sensation for me.  It wasn’t like my fingers I had used at all.  Later in life, that weird bottom sensation is what makes me orgasm through penetration.  Not my g-spot, or my shallow lips, its that deep pressure.

Ebony Kenney, blogger at Magic, Sex and Coffee 
“I thought if I was in a hot tub the same time as a boy, I would get pregnant. Not having sex or anything like that. Just actually sitting. And on top of that, I just knew if there was a better ratio of girls to boys, it would decrease my odds of getting pregnant. I never got in a hot tub alone with a boy, because, you know — math.” 

Venice:  When I was younger I accidentally saw my older male cousin using the bathroom standing up from behind.  I didn’t know why he was standing up and didn’t know we had different body parts.  So the next time I went to the bathroom I stood up and peed all over myself.  For years I didn’t know how my cousin peed while standing.  Oh, he had a dang water hose connected to his hips!

David Drake, comedian
“There was a rumor going around middle school that yellow 5 (the food coloring in yellow Gatorade, Mountain Dew, etc.) shrank your penis. I was worried about that, so I never drank anything yellow. A large part of me still believes this today.” 

Ryan:  The myth of yellow 5.  I was so addicted to Mt. Dew I just didn’t care.  I was totally okay with accepting my fate as having a tiny penis, because I wasn’t giving up Mt. Dew.  I can confirm, this was definitely a myth.

Venice:  Speaking of random sex myths (New Kids on The Block going to ER swallowing pints of cum — which later turned to Lil Kim), I remember hearing Marilyn Manson cut out one of his ribs to be able to give himself oral sex.   I remember sitting there in shock like….

… so how many ribs would I need to get rid of to give myself oral sex?   Hah!!

Nathan Timmel, comedian and author of Hey Buddy… 
“When I was a kiddo, my parents would try and find an activity for me to do so they could have ‘alone time.’ Eventually, I figured out what they were doing behind the closed bedroom door, and over time, I noticed that no noise ever came from the bedroom. So I began to think sex was a silent event. Imagine my surprise when I was deflowered, and the woman I was with began expressing herself audibly.”

Ryan:  I thought that having sex was just getting on top of a girl and going up and down.  I didn’t realize you had to penetrate, move up inside a person, and do that until you ejaculated.  I thought you just “hump” up and down until you both said you had sex, and made mud pies together afterwards.

Venice:  I thought that a guy peeing was the same thing as his semen.  I didn’t know there was a difference and I was fully prepared for a guy to hump me, pee inside me, and get me pregnant.  Little did I know, Ryan and I would do this for fun years later.  Haven’t gotten pregnant from it yet though!

Kate Cartia, blogger at As Kate Would Have It
“Watching soap operas when I was home sick from school led me to believe that you 100 percent had to wear a silk nightgown while having sex. When I found out you could totally opt into being naked (or not, you do you), I. Was. Shaken.” 

Venice:  I didn’t know that I had a vaginal canal and a urethra.  I just literally thought everything came from the same place!

Ryan:   Me too!  I thought that a girl peed through the same hole that I had sex with.  I had no idea that the vagina was so complicated and it had a small hole (urethra) at the entrance of her vagina.  

Angela Spera, host of “This Is Why You’re Single” podcast
“I thought a bong was a penis pump until probably high school. Let me explain: When I was 9, I saw ‘Austin Powers,’ which, as you might remember, featured a penis pump. One day not long after seeing this classic bit of cinema, I was with my friends at recess when we stumbled upon a bong on the playground. In my warped child mind, it looked just like the penis pump from the movie! How did I think it worked? Well, the entry point should seem obvious, and I figured you used the mouthpiece to pump it. Being the narc that I was, I ran over to a teacher and told them I found ‘something bad.’ The teacher’s reaction confirmed it for me. It was definitely something grown men were sticking their dicks into.”

Ryan: I remember the first time I heard someone say they had hair on their anus I panicked.  I thought that was the most weird thing I had ever heard of.  How does a person have hair on their anus?  Years later, I now find it attractive and nothing turns me on more than Venice rolling me over and licking my hairy anus.  For the record, I shaved for 20 years before I finally gave in to the idea that it felt good to be natural and manly.  It probably took me so long to accept it because of how weird I thought it was when I first heard someone talk about hair on and around the anus.   

Anthony Bonazzo, comedian and actor
“When I was really young, like 13, my Italian neighbor Fabio once told me and my friends that if you have sex with a woman too hard you could get her pregnant. I knew that there was no way this could be true, but I planned on being very gentle when I finally did have sex just to be safe. Sadly, that didn’t happen for a long time.”

Ryan: Until I met Venice, I thought getting my dick sucked actually meant I was going to have a girl sit there and suck on my penis, like giving it a hickie.    Rather than a girl using her hands, the lips sliding up and down, and licking the penis, I just thought it was a girl just purely sucking and using hour mouth to create endless suction.  I didn’t think I would ever cum from getting my dick sucked because it didn’t really make sense to me.  I found out later, it was more of an expression that meant a woman using her mouth on your penis.  Btw, Venice has never given my penis head a hickie.  

Feel free to share yours!

How Writing About Sex Made Me A Better Person

 

Extremely good article about being a sex blogger/writer.   A lot of these points mirror our own.

 

The summer before my senior year, my friends got jobs in retail or food service, and I got a job writing about sex — my mother was very proud.

I was hired as a staff writer for Sex, Etc., a sex education magazine by teens and for teens, overseen by a board of writing and medical professionals. It’s produced and distributed nationwide by the nonprofit Answer, whose mission is to provide “unfettered access to sexuality education for young people and the adults who teach them.”

It’s definitely a niche job; writing for Sex, Etc. requires a unique skillset and a willingness to talk openly about some very taboo ideas. I learned a lot in my short time here thus far, but it has already revolutionized the ways I understand the world, my community, and myself. I am a better person because of it.

1. It made me more mindful and tolerant.

No matter how open-minded I claimed to be, working at Sex, Etc. made me realize even I am prone to the knee jerk reaction of being judgey. I hadn’t realized how much my own criticisms were affecting my activism and my journalism ― which is supposed to be unbiased.

Especially when it came controversial subjects like sex, my LGBT-inclusiveness and anti-slut shaming rhetoric masked some deeply ingrained prejudices. I made sweeping generalizations about people who may think or behave differently than me.

But at Sex Etc., that type of unproductive mindset was called out and challenged. As one my editors said the first day on the job: “Don’t ‘yuck’ someone else’s ‘yum.’”

In other words, if it’s legal, consensual, and not hurting anyone, don’t worry about what happens behind closed doors.

2. It taught me to respect people’s boundaries.

Prior to working at Sex, Etc., it never occurred to me how often I really should be affirming consent with the people around me.

The answer: Always.

Writing for Sex, Etc. isn’t all about the nitty gritty. Likewise, sex isn’t the only boundary you should be wary of crossing. Even a well-meaning hug requires some form of consent.

It isn’t limited to physical interactions either. You should get explicit consent before posting someone’s photo online, giving out their personal information (such as social media or phone number), or engaging someone in a conversation about potentially sensitive subject matter.

3. It made me more confident.

As a journalist, it’s important I state the truth no matter how uncomfortable it is. As a teenage girl, I’ve been conditioned not to cause a fuss, and to shy away from words like “vagina” or “menstruation” in public (sorry again, Mom).

Working at Sex, Etc. helped me realize my body isn’t uniquely gross and weird. Rather, we are all equally gross and weird, and it’s important to accept our natural selves as we are.

4. For the first time in my life, I received quality sex education.

My freshman year of high school, my teacher showed the class a slide show of late stage gonorrhea. Then, during my senior year, I got to carry around a flour sack baby to learn about the “miracles of life.”

But beyond that, my sex education came from Google. Despite my best efforts to use reliable sources, I learned at Sex, Etc. how complicated sex education can really be. Even sources that seemed reliable ended up giving me misleading information about my sexual health.

Not to mention, public school sex ed all but ignored LGBT topics. So, being on staff provided me with comprehensive education about sexual orientation and gender, as well as contraceptives, STDs and consent, in ways I probably wouldn’t have access to otherwise.

5. I learned how much I have to learn.

I see myself as someone who is well-read. I spent a lot of my early teen years reading about gender studies, sexuality, rape culture and reproductive rights, among other things.

So, it was a real culture shock when I started writing about this stuff and realized how in the dark I really was.

Even with the world at my fingertips I wasn’t able to adequately educate myself on my own. I couldn’t have. I didn’t even know what I didn’t know, and that’s terrifying in its own right. But even scarier is the fact that most of my peers will never learn these things, especially in states where sex education is abstinence only, if it even exists at all.

Sending young people out into the world without comprehensive sexuality education is setting them up for failure. All people have a right to know about their own bodies. But between the active suppression of sex education, the defunding of sexual health resources, and the blatant disregard of fact in favor of political censorship, that can seem like an almost impossible feat.

I was lucky to have the opportunity to write for Sex, Etc. I am a better, more educated person because of it. Now, I hope to use that experience to shape a society in which all people of all ages are empowered to make healthy sexual choices for themselves.

Source: RSS Feed Huffingtonpost

Here’s Why All Teens, LGBTQ And Not, Need To Learn About Anal Sex

Teen Vogue’s recent publication of “A Guide to Anal Sex” has brought out the usual crop of right-wing, anti-LGBTQ religious conservatives who are stirring a backlash against the magazine.

Radio host and Fox News commentator Todd Starnes, one of the most outlandish anti-queer bigots on the airwaves, zeroed in on the issue this week, bringing onto his show Elizabeth Johnston, otherwise known as “The Activist Mommy.”

Johnston is an Ohio-based conservative vlogger and mother of ten children who has gained notoriety and a huge following for her campaigns against LGBTQ people, in particular attacking Target’s gender neutral rest room policy last year. A video she posted to her Facebook page in 2016 was titled, “LGBTQQIAAPP?? Asexual? Non-binary? Gobbledygook! Gender insanity! This is out of hand! 😡 ”

Johnston has predictably led the charge against Teen Vogue, with a video in which she burns copies of the magazine. She told Starnes: 

I was truly flabbergasted. They should not be teaching sodomy to our children…All of us are trying to do our best to protect our children from immorality and over-sexualization in our culture. And to see this disturbing article where sodomy is being normalized, not discouraged ― even the CDC says that sodomy is the riskiest sexual behavior for getting and transmitting HIV for men and women.

And therein lies the reason why it’s so vital to talk to all teenagers, straight and LGBTQ, about anal sex and how to engage in it safely. But just as importantly, they must be taught that it is normal, natural and healthy―yes, healthy―and that it is nothing about which to be ashamed nor to stigmatize others about. Telling young people, as Johnston does, that “sodomy” is “disturbing” and a part of the “immorality” in our culture, and should not be “normalized,” is encouraging bullying, violence and discrimination against LGBTQ people.

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Parents, Don’t Forget Anal Sex When Having ‘The Talk’ With Your Children

I hate to “butt” into your discussion about the birds and the bees, but it’s time to start including anal sex in “the talk.”

Discussing sex with any teenager can be uncomfortable for all parties involved. My mother started talking to me about sex at the first sight of facial hair growing on my chin. I remember how dreadfully I wanted to crawl out of my skin; in retrospect, I’m sure she felt the same way. Throughout our discussion, she told me about how the penis is inserted inside of the vagina, how one drop of male ejaculation can impregnate a woman, and about the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases/infections. Our talk about the birds and the bees was largely based on the same heteronormative methods most parents guilelessly follow, even today.

However, regardless of one’s sexual orientation or gender identity, every person has an anus — well, almost everyone has an anus, according to NBC News — and can participate in anal sex. But like all forms of intercourse, anal sex comes with a risk, perhaps the greatest risks in comparison to all other sexual practices. Some of these risks include:

Increased risk of exposure to sexually transmitted diseases or infection

“Penetration can tear the tissue inside the anus, allowing bacteria and viruses to enter the bloodstream” WebMD says. Many sexually transmitted diseases and infections come from bodily fluids; tears in the anus increases the chance of bodily fluids entering through the tears and directly into the bloodstream.

Risk of permanently damaging the anus with personal hygiene upkeep

According to Dr. K is Jeffrey D. Klausner, “Douching could have some serious negative effects. First, frequent douching may compromise the natural protective fluids and lining in your anus.” When the body stops producing these fluids, it becomes more prone to tears and infections, which will make passing stool — or even sitting —extremely uncomfortable. Also, some of these instruments are not rectum friendly and will cause ulcers.

Risk of weakening the anal sphincter

“Repetitive anal sex may lead to weakening of the anal sphincter, making it difficult to hold in feces until you can get to the toilet,” according to WebMD. Kegels can prevent this.

Risk of causing infections, even if both partners are negative for all sexually transmitted diseases and infections

“Even if both partners do not have a sexually-transmitted infection or disease, bacteria normally in the anus can potentially infect the giving partner” — WebMD. The anus naturally has bacteria, and depending on the insertive partner’s personal hygiene, they can be exposed to urinary tract infections.

Strangely enough, “Teen Vogue”’s “Guide to Anal Sex” greatly infuriated many parents. One parent, in particular, known as the Activist Mommy, tweeted a video of her furiously ripping and burning a “Teen Vogue” June edition magazine.

“They are teaching kids how to have anal intercourse. We should not be teaching children, period, how to have sex,” she said during her impassioned tirade. As she ripped the glossy magazine page by page and threw the remains into the small campfire, she called the “Teen Vogue” writers and editors “garbage” and requested that all parents go to their local libraries and stores to demand the expulsion of “Teen Vogue” content.

The controversial “Teen Vogue” article simply introduced safe practices for those that engage or plans to engage in anal sex. Some of these tips include using water or silicone-based lubricants to avoid rectal tearing, the significance of using condoms, and why one should go slowly during anal sex.

Absurdly, some parents falsely trust that their children will abstain from sex if they never learn about it. However, just because you didn’t teach your child about sex, it does not mean they can’t learn it from somewhere else. Some people, like my own mother, never had their parents talk to them about sex, but they still learned about it through pornographic films, sexually active peers, and other outside entities.

“My father told me to not let anyone touch my fur burger,” my mother said. “I didn’t even know what a vagina was until I was about 14-years-old.” She learned about sex after finding my grandfather’s collection of pornographic films. “Two years later, I was pregnant with you.”

According to National Center for Biotechnology Information’s study, and many others, children that have “the talk” with their parents are more likely to postpone sexual activity until they are older, and will often use protection while having sex.

Nevertheless, some parents might wonder what the appropriate age is to start discussing sex with their children. It is recommended to begin as early as 2 years old. It is not recommended to begin any discussion about sex being judgmental. Never make a child feel convicted before they actually engage in risky sex; otherwise, they won’t trust you, which means they won’t talk to you about anything.

Parents, if your children are really what you hold near and dear to you, their health must come first. Therefore, the talk about the birds and the bees has to happen, and it has to include anal sex. Heteronormativity must be dismantled in all conversations about sex. Remember: Children are crafty individuals. If you don’t share your knowledge about sex with them, someone else will. Ready to assume that risk?

 

Source: RSS Feed Huffingtonpost