Q&A: My boyfriend tells me my vagina smells, I’m his worst lover, and then cheated on me.

worse boyfriend cheatedMy boyfriend tells me my vagina smells, I’m his worst lover, and then cheated on me.

I am 26 years old and my boyfriend is 28.  I am upset because he keeps telling me that all his previous girlfriends used to pleasure him in the best way by giving him amazing head and prostate orgasms .  He complains that I am just too vanilla for him.

My backstory:  I lost my virginity to him 2 months ago, and he always says I make too much noise or that my vagina smells. I feel like he’s always complaining, but god forbid if I tell him he’s making the slightest mistake. I just want to have smooth communication, but he’s my first boyfriend so I don’t really know how.

Last week my heart broke into a million pieces because I went out to buy candles and cute lingerie to surprise him and show him that I could be better in bed, only for him to come home from work with a long face to “talk”. I’m not an idiot, so I knew this meant he was gonna rant to me about how he’s not getting enough pleasure from the bedroom. And boy do I wish it was that. He told me that his coworker has been flirting with him and he couldn’t help himself. They had sex but he swore he didn’t catch feelings and it was a one night thing.

I love him, but I’m so hurt and I’ve been going though a lot mentally so this really took a toll on my mental health. I really don’t know what to do so some advice would be really appreciated.

Venice’s response to worse boyfriend cheated

This one is going to be extremely easy.  Break up with him.

Ryan’s response to worse boyfriend cheated

I think telling a woman her vagina smells is equivalent to a woman telling a man his penis is small.  Although your penis may be small, you’d hope that your partner is more sensitive about it.  Him attacking your vagina smell seems like his way of beating down your self-esteem. It’s a form of abuse.  And the more you lose self-confidence, the less chance you have of breaking up with him.  Slowly disrespecting various things about your body (your weight, your vagina smell, your sense of style, your personality, and even your lack of sexual skills) and making you self-conscious, keeps you under his control.  What are the chances of you breaking up with him if you think every man is going to be grossed out by your vagina smell?  

Another control method is for a guy to compare you to his ex girlfriends.  Although most of the time, it’s never true.  His ex girlfriend being so great at sex is more than likely a porn he saw where the woman did everything his heart desires.  It’s what he wants in a woman, but uses his “ex” as a form of control.  Rather than comparing you to porn to get what he wants, he compares you to a tangible person that you’d more than likely try to compete with.  He knows this.  However the huge flaw here is, if his ex girlfriends were so much better in every way, why are they his ex girlfriends?

The perfect answer to the ex girlfriend scenario is simple: Well, leave me alone and go back to your ex girlfriend then.”  And to add a bit of spice, make sure you add, “If you mention anything about your ex’s to me again, we’re done.”  No exceptions.

Draw your line.  It works.

As far as openly telling you he cheated.  This is grounds to break up regardless.  He doesn’t respect you as a person.  If you allow him to cheat, allow him to admit he cheats, allow him to tell you his ex girlfriends are better than you, allow him to disrespect your smells, then what won’t you allow him to do?   

In other words, Venice said all this above in one sentence.  Break up with him.

The Great Hand Job Heist

The Great Hand Job Heist

In searching Google with hand jobs on my mind, I wanted reaffirmation that I wasn’t alone in loving a great massage with a happy ending.  I googled, “Why do hand jobs feel so good?”  Don’t ask me why, but I did.  To my surprise, I found out that most people do not agree.  Not only that, the search results instead pulled off a great heist. Rather than me finding out why hand jobs feel so good, I found out why they feel so bad!  Hence the title:  The Great Hand Job Heist.  

A poll taken by Cosmopolitan shows 18 different opinions about how men feel about hand jobs.  The results were shocking at first, but once age is taken into account, it all makes sense.  It’s safe to assume that most of them have never felt a real hand job / massage.  It’s also safe to assume a few of them have never been in relationship long enough that anything except actual vaginal sex satisfies them. 

At least, that’s my take.   As a couple that has started our 3rd decade of marriage, hand jobs have been the savior.  

If it wasn’t for hand jobs, my vagina, ass, and even mouth would literally be shredded beef.   A girl needs this option and should learn how to do it so good that her man can’t help but to request it.  Trust me.  From the talking, to the finish, you can make a hand job the top of his list.    – Venice

The Cosmopolitan Opinions:

1. “It’s like eating a fast-food hamburger. You can grill one at home and it tastes amazing. Or you can get in your car, drive 15 minutes, wait in a drive-through line, and get a way worse hamburger. Like, it tastes awful and you know you could’ve done a better job yourself.” —Jeff, 24
2. “Like a vagina, but worse.” —Eric, 25
3. “There’s no novelty to it. I can reach my own penis with my hand no problem, but I can’t suck my own dick … so I think blow jobs would always be more desirable. Maybe that would be different if men had stubby arms.” —Shaun, 25
4. “LOL.” —Josh, 25
5. “You know that saying ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all’? Hand jobs are the sex equivalent of that.” —Zack, 24
6. “It feels like you’re touching yourself but your hand fell asleep and so you’re fumbling with your penis awkwardly.” —Kyle, 23
7. “Once in college, I got one that actively hurt. And my penis was all red and swollen the next day, and I went to Student Care, and they told me it was friction burn. So it feels like friction burn on your dick.” —Ken, 29
8. “A hand job feels like jerking off but it’s better because it’s not your hand.” —Jose, 30
9. “I would never expect a girl to excel at it, because that’s weird and would probably make me wonder why and how they’re so good at it, but they’re usually painfully bad.” —Pete, 25

When I first copied these responses, I actually laughed at a few of them.  Not because they were wrong, but because they were funny.  I also thought that I was going to add responses to each opinion, but chose not to because the flow of negativity was too good. It makes much more sense to just let it all out. What I do notice though, is that the older the person is, the less harsh they seem towards the idea of hand jobs.  

For example:

10. “I don’t think this is easy to answer unless we establish if there’s some kind of lubrication or not. A lubeless hand job? It’s almost guaranteed to be awful. Either the grip is too hard, or too loose, or the rhythm is off, or some kind of combination thereof. The stars have to align perfectly for a lubeless hand job to work. A lubed-up hand job can basically feel like a blow job, so … much, much better.” —Kevin, 28

Number 10 is pretty accurate.  For me, when I think of hand job, it wouldn’t cross my mind that some hand jobs are done without lube.  Much like it wouldn’t cross my mind if someone asked about anal sex, it would be without lube.  In my opinion, the two go hand and hand (pun). You wouldn’t give someone a serious hand job without lube of some sort.  Saliva, coconut oil, something.

Can you imagine Cosmopolitan making a poll about anal sex (assuming no lube is being used):

1. Anal is like the orphan child of sex.  It’s everything the vagina isn’t.  It really burns and the one time I tried it I ended up in the ER the next day because of wounds to my penis.

2. If you could imagine a vagina in a desert with sand for miles upon miles.  That would be a woman’s anus.  Now imagine sticking your penis inside of those sand dunes and enjoying  yourself. 

3. I could shove my penis into sandpaper and get a better sensation.  It’s like the vagina except extremely painful.

4.  We both ended up in the hospital that night.  Not good.

5. Are we talking about lubeless anal, or anal with lube?  

That’s pretty much how this entire article goes.  Although I do not want to attack Cosmopolitan, the article does shows the miseducation of those asking and answering the question.  It should have been clarified, in our opinion.  Because to ask about hand jobs without lube, is equivalent to asking about anal without lube.  Or even having sex with a vagina when the girl isn’t turned on or lubricated properly.  And this is the number 1 search result when asking “How do hand jobs feel?”  

The Great Hand Job Heist.  For entertainment purposes, let’s continue.

11. “I dunno. It’s just … I have hands. I can do that.” —Jared, 22

12. “I don’t remember the first time I ever masturbated, but I imagine every hand job is pretty much on par with that experience. Except I don’t freak out when I come.” —Ryan, 25
13. “I was never a fan of the ‘old-fashioned’ until recently. It’s usually slow and awkward and doesn’t feel all that wonderful. But it feels like ecstasy when done correctly. A complete detachment from my thoughts and concentrating on the physical senses that overcome my body and mind.” —Matt, 28
14. “Hand jobs? I don’t know. I’m not 14.” —Keith, 25

Number 14 is interesting…because he is right.  A hand job may be something you enjoy at 14, then quit enjoying in your 20s.  For the straight man, the vagina takes over as the most important thing on earth.  Oral sex is always a close second.  Anal is attempted a few times, but you both agree that’s on special occasions.  However, in your late 30s and 40s, the full experience becomes more important. The vagina is no longer the holy grail, but just one of the things that make women the most amazing creatures on earth.   

15. “It’s like having surf and turf on the menu and then you order the chicken fingers.” —Vince, 28
16.  “I have to be real here … I was a late bloomer, so I think I skipped the whole period where everyone was getting hand jobs. By the time I had any luck with the ladies, you were probably just having sex. But I got a hand job once and … I never had any interest in getting another. It wasn’t bad, it was just OK. I think that says it all. —Colin, 24
17. “OK, I know people probably shit all over hand jobs, but if someone knows how to do it, they can be really good. You have to use lotion, though, and unlike a blow job, she can suck on your nipples at the same time. Every guy should try that once. ” —Evan, 28
18. “Hand jobs are a consolation prize. I have never had a hand job that didn’t feel like, ‘Oh, I’m not in the mood for intercourse, but here, take this. Thanks for playing.’ I don’t think hand jobs are bad, I just think it’s tough to enjoy them when you know things could’ve gone a whole lot better.” —Jeff, 26

These last responses really aren’t that bad.  For the most part, the older the person answering, the more they understand it really is about how well the hand job is being done.  You can’t ask a 22 year old how a hand job feels.  He has had so little experience in his life, so little vagina in his life, that anything other than a vagina or mouth would be a let down.  However, you ask a man that has had his share of vagina, especially those of us in relationships where sex isn’t rationed, a hand job is just as good as anything a woman can offer.   Especially when she knows what she is doing.

What A Hand Job Should Feel Like

For us, we have been intimate twice a day, for the last 7 years.   Probably longer, but clearly our article written in 2013 shows how long we have been practicing The Circle. Back then it helped our relationship grow to another level, and continues to help us bond each day.  It’s the type of connection that keeps us as one unit, rather than separate people that use each other for their own pleasure.  True soulmates, if you believe in that.  However, it has also given us reason to find other ways to be intimate besides sticking my penis inside of her vagina and digging for gold.  

You can totally get into his head while stroking him.  Unlike sex, oral sex, or kissing (making out), you can actually talk in detail. Your words and thoughts can take over his experience.  From scenarios that may never happen, to outrageous fantasies that break all your boundaries, to just telling him how much you want to taste his cum.  Or how much you love holding his dick.  There are times I will go into detail about how beautiful the colors of his dick are, how perfect his swollen head looks, to talking about every turn and curve his veins make in his shaft and how much I love looking at them.  This is the type of talk that a woman just can’t do while she is being fucked or sucking his dick. – Venice

The things we can’t do properly during sex, kissing, and oral:

Talking.  In fact, a lot of times during oral talking is the last thing we want to hear.  “Just be quiet and let me just hear that beautiful slurping sound.”  I know if I try to talk while going down on my wife, she will reach down and pull my head more into her vagina. This is her way of saying, “Please shut the fuck up” as nicely as possible.

There is an unspoken (pun) 6 word rule.   During sex or oral.

“I love you so fucking much.”

“Please cum in me.”

“Your dick is so fucking big.”

“Fuck it hurts so bad.”

“Your pussy is so fucking tight.”

“It’s so fucking wet.”

“Where do you want my cum?”

“Who’s your daddy?”

“Look at me while you suck.”

“Suck on my lips.”

“Fuck me with your tongue.”

And the list goes on and on.  Although dirty talk is fun, you are a bit limited because of what you are doing.  Whether it be sucking, fucking, or kissing.  You may dirty talk between transitions, but for the most part your actions are much louder than words.  And there is nothing wrong with that.

What you can do the entire time during a hand job:


 A hand job is more than just 6 words.  A good hand job can be filled with entire stories of various adventures you both can come up with.  Not only can you talk, because you are relaxed and totally caught in the moment, but the person giving you the hand job can talk as well.  Whether about how much she loves your dick, how it feels, how much she can’t wait to see you cum, or sexy stories about the things you have done, may do, or may never do.  No real rules when it comes to fantasies. 

Some of the comparisons about hand jobs being another form of masturbation is correct.  However, why the hell is masturbation a bad thing?   Masturbation can be amazing, if you know what you are doing.  Edging, dirty thoughts, and controlling how long you release your oxytocin.  A lot of times men will masturbate nearly twice as long as they have actual intercourse.  They edge themselves to make sure they have a huge release.  When done right, masturbation is amazing.  In fact, it has been talked about by various women that their men will leave them asleep (or turn down sex) and later get caught masturbating. This is extremely common.  Why?  Because you can use your mind, your fantasies, and even think about all the skeletons in your closet while watching a porn video.

Now imagine having a person that you can open up with and experience  your deepest darkest thoughts and fantasies together.

Dirty Talk: A Threesome with A Transsexual Woman

Dirty Talk: A Threesome with A Transsexual Woman

The Dirty Talk Intro & Disclaimer:  Everything in the story below is random and created on the spot while talking dirty to my husband.  No filters, no rules, no boundaries, just a story and situation created to help turn us both on.  All dirty talk is pure fantasy.   In this story I will talk  about a sexy tranny hookup

During these talks, I am usually massaging my husband with coconut oil.  Much like a handjob but we talk back and forth and go over various sexual ideas.  The fun part is, I can almost get inside his head and control his fantasies, dirty thoughts, and talk him into an orgasm in the exact moment my story hits it’s climax.  Every story is to the best of my memory, as I do not know remember all the exact details to our conversations.

After I get him to orgasm and my juices are flowing, we shut up and I get my turn!  I won’t write about the follow up, as we don’t talk while I cum.  Through sex, oral, or a wand, I will quickly get my own release…if the story was real good.

Dirty Talk: A Threesome with A Transsexual

So we go out to dinner with the sexy girl we found on a dating app.  Although she is cute, we share her photo with each other in text and there is something distinct about her face and features that seem a bit different. 

Like what?

Her face is a bit longer.  Something about her nose and cheeks seem different, but her body is amazing.


We meet with her in person and you whisper to me that she is sexy as fuck.  I agree.  Conversation is good, we both seem to really enjoy her company.  She is making us laugh and seems to be super sweet.  We both like her a lot.

As dinner wraps up we ask her if she wants to come to our place for a few drinks.  She is hesitant. She leans over and quietly lets us know that she is transsexual.  


I feel my husband’s dick start to soften in my hand.  Usually when his mind is on something else, or if the story has too much detail, his body responds by getting soft because he wants to discuss things rather than orgasm.

Relax. Enjoy yourself.

You sit back a bit uncomfortable but I can tell you are looking at her really intense, trying to see if you can tell.  I don’t think you can.  She is almost a perfect woman.  Her smile, her face, her body, and her personality.  

Lets take her home

We are.  We decide we would take her to our place just to see where things lead.  If anything, you getting a double blow job from both of us will make your night.  If anything else happens, we will see.  

We get her to our place and she slides off her coat.  She has amazing cleavage.  Her lips are thick, so you can’t stop thinking about her sucking your dick.

I can tell you want her, but you’re confused.  So am I.  I want her too.

You do?

Yes, I want to see her dick.  

Me too.

She is sitting in between us.  I lean in to kiss her and quickly put my hand between her legs.  Not something I would normally do, but I don’t believe she has a penis.  I think she is fucking with us.

What do you feel?

She definitely has a penis.

She is erect.  Her dick feels hard, but is still very small.  A cute small.

Yea, I’d rather her be cute and small.

For sure, I only need one man tonight.   I pull her dress up and pull her panties down exposing her penis to you.  She is totally shaved and her dick is a beautiful 3 or 4 inches.  Thick, but tiny, exactly how I’d imagine a woman’s penis would be.  No flaws, no razor bumps, just exactly how a classy woman would maintain her body if she had a penis.

I want to touch it.

You reach over and cup her penis in your hand.  Her head barely pokes out the top of your grip.  Any slight movement will be stroking her dick.  It must feel amazing to have a dick that is the perfect size for a hand.

My husband’s dick is now rock hard.  His mind is open.  His balls are starting to tighten and I can tell he is really getting into the idea.

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Dirty Talk: Gang Banged by a Bunch of Old Men

Gang Banged by a Bunch of Old Men

The Dirty Talk Intro & Disclaimer:  Everything in the story below is random and created on the spot while talking dirty to my husband.  No filters, no rules, no boundaries, just a story and situation created to help turn us both on.  All dirty talk is pure fantasy.    On this blog we will get into the idea of me being gang banged by a bunch of old men. 

During these talks, I am usually massaging my husband with coconut oil.  Much like a handjob but we talk back and forth and go over various sexual ideas.  The fun part is, I can almost get inside his head and control his fantasies, dirty thoughts, and talk him into an orgasm in the exact moment my story hits it’s climax.  Every story is to the best of my memory, as I do not know remember all the exact details to our conversations.

After I get him to orgasm and my juices are flowing, we shut up and I get my turn!  I won’t write about the follow up, as we don’t talk while I cum.  Through sex, oral, or a wand, I will quickly get my own release…if the story was real good.

Dirty Talk:  Gang Banged by a Bunch of Old Men

I am in a room with a bunch of old guys and I can tell they want to fuck me.  

describe them…

They are all over 70, grey hair, nude.  One is skinny with a smaller slim penis, tight balls, and a salt and pepper grey bush.  I can almost see his skeleton frame as he is very slim.  (Guy 1)

Another one is build like a square, not chubby, but you can tell he used to be muscular.  He has a bit of a belly and his shoulders are wide.  His penis is small in length but thick.  He also has tight balls like he is already ready to cum.  (Guy 2)

does he have crotch hair?

He has a huge bush that is also salt in pepper.   All the men have crotch hair.  I find them all sexy and prefer to see them hairy.

what about the other guys?

The 3rd guy is tall and slim.  His balls are extremely big and hang very low.  His penis isn’t small, but his balls hang much lower. (Guy 3)

do you find older guys sexy?

I love older men.  They are probably my biggest kink. 

do you want to be fucked by a bunch of older men?


The 4th guy is short with a normal size frame.  Like he kept himself in shape.  He has the biggest penis of the group.  It is thick and about 6 inches long.  His balls are also loose and hanging.  I can tell when he fucks me I will feel his balls slapping against me. (Guy 4)

does that turn you on?

Yes, I love it when I can feel your balls slapping against me.  Or laying on my face while I am being face fucked.

keep going…

The last guy looks like Ron Jeremy when he is old.  He is hairy all over.  His balls are small and tight and his penis looks proportional to his body. (Guy 5)

what do they do to you?

Guy 1 comes over to my face and sticks his dick in my mouth.  I grab his small balls and start to stroke under them as I suck his dick.  He immediately gets hard.  I notice that all the guys are touching themselves and started to get hard all around me.

did you want the small skinny guy in your mouth first?


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Dirty Talk And What It All Means

talk dirtyI’ve decided to write a blog about dirty talk and translate it with different perspectives, including my own.  This was written lightheartedly and isn’t intended to be fact.  I’m sure some men actually do have intelligible babble while they talk dirty in the bedroom.

His Actions and Words: <petting her head as she sucks his dick> “Good girl.”
Her Prude/Feminist Translation:  “He is petting me like I am a dog and saying good girl for doing a good job.  First, I am a woman, not an animal or his child.  This type of talk is makes him feel like a man and an authoritative figure.  It brings out his caveman machismo, which is supposed to quench my instincts to please my man, it doesn’t.  I am supposed to be happy he is awarding my good behavior, I’m not.”
My Translation: “I am his pet, his little girl with my tight little pussy and tiny mouth. It hurts when I have to stretch my jaws around his cock.  I want to get recognition while I suck him off, so I will shake my little ass and wag my tailfeather for him.  I love the way he pets me to show his affection and appreciation.  God I love it when he calls me his good little girl.  He’s the only man on earth that can call me that and make my pussy drip.”
What He Is Really Thinking:
“Awwwwwwwwww ughhhhhhhhhhhhh ihhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhh awwwwwwwww (unintelligible babble).”

His Words: “Suck my dick like a porn star you sexy bitch.”
Her Prude/Feminist Translation: “First of all, you call me a bitch again and I will bite this fucking dick off.  As far as porn star, I’m much better than a porn star.  If I decide to suck your penis, because I want to, not because you want it, I do it because I love you, not to get paid.  You should be saying  ‘If you decide to continue putting your lips around my member, do it like you love me please.’   Any preconceived idea of a good blowjob from a disgusting adult video is the opposite of sexy.”
My Translation: “Oh he wants me to spit all over his cock and twist my wrists and see how hard it is to give him an indian burn with his dick all wet.  He wants me to slam my face onto his shaft and open my mouth wide so I can lick his balls as I have his cock so far down my throat I can’t breath.  He is in the mood for me to leave his dick sore from all the friction and movement.  I’ll be your little porn star slut.  Show this sexy bitch the audition room, Mr. Big Dick.”
What He Is Really Thinking: “
Awwwwwwwwww ughhhhhhhhhhhhh ihhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhh awwwwwwwww (unintelligible babble).”

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