Have You Ever Recorded Yourself Having Sex and… DELETE IT IMMEDIATELY

Have You Ever Recorded Yourself Having Sex and…

DELETE IT IMMEDIATELY

I have this huge mirror in my bedroom (like a full wall because the mirror is actually on the closet’s doors) and the first time I looked at it having sex it was horrible. It felt completely ridiculous, like two chicken nuggets rubbing each other while missionary position. From that day on, I avoid looking.

So you and your girlfriend are getting hot and heavy.  You look over at the side of the bed and see your phone laying there.  She smiles up at you as she sees you look at it.  She motions for you to grab it.  You pick it up and she makes the prettiest face possible, as you hit the record button.  She reaches up and grabs the phone and lays it over to the side so you can continue making the greatest sex video that ever existed. 

After 25 minutes of pure piston action while she moans for you like the whole world is watching.  Slowly, your body goes weak, and you feel the urge to release.  You want to pull out to show the camera the next Peter North, but you just don’t have the strength or time.  You try to stay upright so you can show your hips and ass muscles pumping inside your partner, but your muscles keep giving out.   It won’t matter, this is going to be the greatest cumshot ever.   You’re sweaty.  Your worn out.  And now your phone has video footage of the absolute perfect sex.  The holy grail of amateur porn.

A few moments later, after showering, you and your girl lay down together and click on the video clip in your phone.  As the video starts, you start noticing a few back pimples you didn’t know existed, a spare tired around your lower back, and your penis isn’t quite the same size as it is when you are staring down on it.  Did someone swap your footage with an ugly couple that has no idea what they are doing?   Your girls moans sound more like a wounded seal when listening back.   What the hell?

You decide to fast forward to the greatest cumshot ever and let your girl see why she calls you Daddy.  As you skip forward past 25 minutes of footage you finally get to that moment.  You hold it up to your girl and both see what appears to be a Air Tube Dancing and following all over the place.  Like an uncoordinated new born deer trying to walk for the first time.  And wait, you are drooling on her back too?

DELETED.

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Amateur Couples On Webcam ( Porn ) Aren’t Having Sex Better Than You Can

Amateur Couples Aren’t Having Sex Better Than You Can

The internet has changed the world.  No longer do you need your Dad’s old hustler magazine stashed away under your bed.  No longer do you need to study the Sears catalog lingerie section to get masturbation material.  Sex is everywhere.  And not only is sex everywhere, as an amateur couple you can help other lonely souls struggling for fap material.

The days of buying a 30 year old storage unit and accidentally finding a random VHS tape labeled “mommy and daddy time” just to see real couple sex  is over.  

Oh, this is 2019, me using the term VHS is probably a bit confusing to our 30 and under couples browsing…

VHS (short for Video Home System) is a standard for consumer-level analog video recording on tape cassettes. Developed by Victor Company of Japan (JVC) in the early 1970s.  It was released in Japan on September 9, 1976 and in the United States on August 23, 1977.

Amateur Couples Sex And Being Filmed Before The Internet

Back in the old days, VHS tapes gave amateurs the ability to record themselves having sex.  The good thing was, as long as you were able to afford a video camera, you didn’t have to take your videos anywhere to get them developed. However, the amateurs recording in those days couldn’t compare at all to the professional porn.  There was also no way to really share.  

Prior to video cameras being affordable, an average amateur couple really just had still photography.  Because we couldn’t develop our own photos (unless we had a dark room), we had to take our film to be developed at a photo lab.  Only a true voyeur would dare leave the photo technician with a roll of homemade amateur smut.   The way around being overexposed to your entire local Kodak photo lab staff was owning a Polaroid camera.  To this day I still have a stash of Polaroids Venice and I took in our teenage days!

Again, still photography on Polaroids just couldn’t compete with the professional porn at the time.  In fact, they couldn’t compete with anything.  Other than sexy memories with bad lightening, it was more of a way for you to you have pictures with horrible filters (not filters back then, just the way the photos looked), for memory sake, much like people have Instagram accounts now.   So when people said, “Oh sex isn’t like porn, that’s fake.”  They were actually correct.  Professional porn was nothing like real amateur sex.

Times Have Changed: Time for Professional Counselors, Sex Therapists, and Reddit Advice Givers to Give Up Those Stale Clichés

In 2019, professional porn tries their hardest to imitate amateur porn.  Authenticity is much more sexy than watching actors fuck for money.  It’s also more believable. 

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