Ladies, don’t just think NO, say NO.
Sometimes Netflix and chill actually means, let’s just watch Netflix and chill. Unfortunately, your partner may be naïve to your mood and not understand your vibes. When it comes to sex, your attitude isn’t enough. You can know someone for 20 plus years and still not be able to read their moods properly. Always speak up, stand up for yourself, and make it very clear what you do or don’t want when it comes to sex. Say no. If that means you hurt your partners feelings, then hurt his feelings.
It’s always important to say NO.
I had been talking with a guy on Instagram for about a week. Basic shit like college majors, tv, music, etc. Nothing special. A couple weeks later matched I with him on tinder and we had made plans to hang out. My roommate moved out a few months ago so the plan was just to chill in my dorm. I’ve done it before and it’s never been an issue. I ended up canceling because I had a bad day and I really just wanted to spend my night alone. I told him I didn’t want to hang out and why I didn’t want to do so but he came over anyway. Now this isn’t easy. I live in a dorm that requires an ID card to get into the building, onto the floor and into the room. He had someone let him into the building and then he just showed up at my door without even saying anything to me first. I was surprised and a little annoyed but I let him in because when we had talked before he had only ever said that he was interested in hanging out and watching game of thrones and getting to know each other. This is exactly what he told me when I asked him what he was looking for. He said he just wanted to chill and get to know each other. When asked, other guys normally tell me point blank if they’re looking for a hookup. He did not. I was nervous but I was fine just hanging out. Not even 10 minutes into him being there, he asked me how I feel about hookups. I said I don’t care for them because they make me feel shitty. I thought that would be the end of it but barely five minutes later he was taking off my shirt. I wasn’t sure how I felt but I said yes and let him do it. It wasn’t long before we started having sex. I stopped him because I realized that I shouldn’t have said yes in the first place. When he asked me to give him a blow job, I said yes because I felt bad about stopping right in the middle of us having sex. While I was going down on him and while he was shoving my head down and making me choke on him, he was watching tv and checking his phone. Not only that, but he asked if he could take a video of me. Of course I told him that he couldn’t. Luckily he let it go and put his phone away. As soon as he finished, he got up and put on his clothes. He leaned over and asked me if everything was consensual. I told him that it was. Then he left. Stand up for yourself. I should have said no, but I didn’t. That was my mistake. Some guys aren’t going to be able to just sense that you’re uncomfortable. They’re going to assume that just because you’re going along with it, you’re more than happy. If you’re not sure, just say no.
The scenario above isn’t exclusive to age, college dorm rooms, or that specific situation. Sometimes a woman can feel obligated to certain situations, simply because they let someone get too close to them. A lot of spouses have ruined their marriages getting a bit too close to their boss, thinking they have built a nice rapport. Whether you think your boss admires you for your work habits, intelligence, or your personality. He may compliment you, make you feel good about yourself, earn your trust (he’s a good man, married, and loving). And then, he makes his move. All those feelings about your boss come crashing down and you aren’t sure how to react. Although everything in your body says no, you have built up a relationship where you don’t want to disappoint him. Like the story above, things happen and if you do not speak up for yourself, regret follows. Insecurity, a desire to feel appreciated, or just a pleasing person that wants everyone around them happy. You have to speak up for yourself and say NO. Your mood, your body language, and your marriage or relationship you may have, isn’t enough to let the advancer know, “I am not okay with this.”
You can’t keep everyone happy. However, you can keep yourself happy. Speak up.