Freaky search terms, where we post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website. Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.
Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms. Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.
10. penis plug steel with sex vagina. whats problem face ??
Ryan: Oh God, I didn’t miss this very much.
Venice: Can you believe the last one of these we did was in August? That’s almost 4 months ago.
Ryan: There was a reason why we stopped you know.
Venice: I don’t like your attitude right now Ryan.
Ryan: No seriously, we stopped because the search words are either about husband’s sucking cock or some weird pedo stuff. Why any of these keywords lead to our blog makes no sense at all. For the record, I am not bisexual.
Venice: Yea yea we know Ryan…
Venice: …whats problem face with you huh?
Venice: You like that?
Ryan: I saw what you did.
Venice: So you liked it?
Ryan: It was okay. It was timed well and your delivery was good.
Venice: Whats the problem face??!?!?
Ryan: When you say that it sounds so sexy to me. It sounds almost like you are a fresh off the boat Asian. You think maybe tonight…
Venice: Nope. No more “I need my green card and I’m a lost little Asian girl but for some reason I am taking off my clothes and on my knees sucking your dick moaning all funny sounding like your cock is leaking helium” fantasies for you Ryan.
Ryan: Dammit, that’s personal and private information woman.
Venice: Oh…you no likey my problem with face?
9. how can i make my eight years old orgasm
Venice: Oh yea, so that’s why we stopped doing these.
Ryan: Pretty much.
Venice: Searched 7 times?
Ryan: You’d think after the first 6 clicks they’d stop.
8. cum comes out of her nose from deepthroating to deep
Venice: Oh I’m gonna learn them!
Ryan: What do you got for this one?
Venice: Well, cum doesn’t come out of the nose from deepthroating too deep, it comes out of the nose because you aren’t deep enough!
Ryan: Oh, a little deepthroat science.
Venice: If the dick isn’t really down your throat and the penis shoots out sperm, it can shoot up the sinuses, which are in the back of your mouth, and then of course out of your nose. If you have the dick far enough down your throat, it’s impossible for the cum to come out of your nose. In fact, it won’t come out anywhere, it goes directly to your stomach, no passing Go.
Ryan: Interesting stuff.
Venice: Yea, so cum snot is a problem for those with smaller dicks or she isn’t taking it deep enough. Two problems we do not have.
Ryan: And that’s a good thing.
Venice: For sure!
7. how to get addicted to drinking your own semen
Ryan: Well, you could try ejaculating into a cup of cocaine and baking soda. Maybe cook it up and turn it into a little crack rock.
Venice: Or do what I do and just drink it everyday.
Ryan: So yea, pretty much, I’m hard now.
Venice: You’re welcome.
6. side effects of fucking ass
Ryan: During clinical investigations with oral and parenteral anal intercourse, 49,038 patients gave and received anal sex. Most of the adverse events reported were described as only mild or moderate in severity, abated soon after the drug was discontinued, and required no treatment. Anal sex was discontinued because of an adverse event in 1% of orally treated patients.
Ryan: The most frequently reported anal sex related events, from clinical trials of all positions and all durations were nausea (2.5%), diarrhea (1.6%), liver function tests abnormal (1.3%), vomiting (1%), and rash (1%).
Venice: …and is any of this true?
Ryan: Nope, none of it. I Googled the side effects of Ciprofloxacin and just used those side effects.
Venice: Oh dear.
5. show me a picture of a man sucking a man
Venice: How do you know that banana was a man?
Ryan: How do you know that turkey was a man?
Venice: Your mom’s a man.
4. how to touch a cock in a movie theatre
Venice: I think these “how to” search terms are absolutely hilarious to be honest.
Ryan: So what, should we help this person?
Venice: Sure, why not.
Ryan: Well, go to a theater…and then reach over and put your hand in his lap. That’s pretty much it.
Venice: Really not very complicated, haha. I wonder if anyone who has ever searched these terms originally has ever came back to our blog and seen one of our Freaky Fridays?
Ryan: Maybe…I guess if tomorrow this person searches “how to eat popcorn in a movie theatre” they will find this blog and see we just ridiculed them so bad!
Venice: Oh, the embarrassment they will feel.
Ryan: Ah yes, the embarrassment!
3. cum ice cubes
Ryan: Love that idea.
Venice: Did we ever make that blog about cum cubes?
Ryan: I Googled after I saw that search term and saw that you suggested it to one of our readers as a creative way to play with cum. I won’t lie, that is sexy as hell to me.
Venice: Oh so I guess I should make another batch?
Ryan: For sure.
Venice: So do you want me to buy some Rum so I can serve it to you on the rocks?
Ryan: Uh, I don’t want the cum ice cubes for myself, what the fuck?
2. how can my vagina remain tight if fucked daily or by many
Venice: It can’t. Next question.
1. cum while deep throat inside mouth
1. cumming balls deep in her throat
1. watch his balls when he cums
1. deepthroat cum swallowing
1. cumming in mouth while deepthroating
1. swallow while deepthroating
Ryan: This literally never ends. I could post these variations forever.
Venice: Well, I made a gif for them!
Ryan: Nice, my ass and everything showing.
Venice: We’ve nicknamed this position “tube feeding” because it bypasses my mouth and goes straight to my tummy.
Ryan: It’s almost like I am saving your life and keeping your alive by passing on my nutrition.
Venice: No, it’s nothing like that.
Venice: Notice, nothing cumming out of my nose.
Ryan: Ha! Do you taste or feel any cum at all?
Venice: Nope, nothing. I feel your balls twitching on my lips and never taste, feel, or see your semen. Unless I burp…
Venice: I also can’t smell or breath because while it is down my throat I am basically being choked.
Ryan: Kind of scary.
Venice: I love it. That’s my favorite position, and that’s my favorite view when you orgasm. You’re welcome everyone.