Questions and Answers: Submitting Questions

All questions posted on our website were either emailed directly to us, asked via social media: Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, or posted on our forums or other public help forums seeking advice.   We will keep all email addresses undisclosed and you will remain totally anonymous. If you want to reply in the comment section on a question of yours answered by us, please feel free to do so.  However, we understand if you do not.  If anyone has a question or finds a question online they would like to hear our responses to, please email them to us.

Although we are just your average couple, we are happy, have been married over 20 years, and have a very fulfilling and active sex life.  Any advice we give is not from a professional point-of-view, but from our humble point of view.

Please submit the question below:

Q&A: Should I Hire an Escort To Have Threesome with Me and My Wife?

Q&A:  Should I Hire an Escort To Have Threesome with Me and My Wife?

First, I am from a county in Nevada where Escorts are legal.  With that being said, I hope we can get past the legal issue and just talk about whether or not hiring an escort is a good way to have threesomes with my wife.  She is bisexual and loves women as much as me.  However, it just seems damn near impossible to find a unicorn and I am not interested in full out swinging with another couple just to enjoy two women.  

Nessa’s response in threesome with escorts

We’ve actually answered a question about escorts and threesomes in the past.  But it’s been 7 years, so let’s see if we come up with a totally different answer this time around!  First, as you clearly stated, it’s legal in your state, so that’s covered.  If you and your wife are both agreeable, I do not see why not?  We’ve thought about flying out to Vegas and possibly hanging out with a companion, but have never taken that step.  I guess partially because I enjoy giving a woman oral sex just as much as receiving.  And I am unsure if I would enjoy giving an escort oral sex.  Call me cheap, but paying to make another woman orgasm?!  However, it would still be a great idea if I wanted to spoil my husband or bypass the giving part of the experience.  

Regardless, it still comes down to two adults agreeing whether or not they want a professional or the “girl next door.”  Good luck finding the girl next door, because most of the “girls next door” we have dealt with were extremely sketchy.  I know that sounds weird, but these girls just seemed like they were hiding something (like a boyfriend or husband).  Or they just wanted to get to know a couple so they could use their “unicorn” status for favors.  For instance, we once had a girl we were hooking up with ask if she could use our travel camper.  WHAT?!  I mean, I can see borrowing a cup of sugar, but our entire 30 foot camper trailer?

So if your wife is really into receiving and being ate out by another woman, then an escort may be perfect for a threesome.  Just make sure you both understand a professional may eat her out better than you ever could, and fuck or suck you better than she ever could.  I mean, she is a professional.   Other than that, it is absolutely possible to enjoy a no strings attached threesome with an escort.  Just make sure you communicate and work out all the possible problems prior to taking the plunge. 

Hopefully that answers your question.

Ryan’s response in threesomes with escorts

I agree with my wife on the escort being a professional.  It’s not like my wife can go out and play 1 v 1 verse Lebron James and expect to keep up with him.  So if you hire a professional, just make sure you are both secure with your own sexual attributes.  

With that said, if you both are cool with it, for sure.  Guaranteed no strings attached, no games, and just pure adult fun with a woman who knows what she is doing.  And the truth is, she is probably just as clean as any woman that doesn’t date professionally.  I’ve found that the women interested in threesomes with a couple are extremely promiscuous and love sex.  Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I just don’t see their numbers and an escorts numbers being too far apart.  And that’s just being honest.  

You also get the rules up front, no misunderstandings, and no late night messages asking to borrow your camper trailer to go on a camping trip.   In this day and age you do not have to roam the streets or dark corners, you can find female escorts and quickly set up a date.  

Good luck with your threesome adventures!  

Q & A: I Am Jealous of My Wife’s Huge Dildo

jealous of huge dildoQ & A: I Am Jealous of My Wife’s Huge Dildo

My wife and I have been married for about 10 years.  About 3 years ago we decided to spice things up in the bedroom and bit and went to an adult store together.  It was my idea but she seemed okay with it.   While we were there we bought a few videos, some handcuffs, and a small vibrator shaped like a penis.  This was the first time we had ever any toys or extras.  We both loved the experience and other than the vibrator, the other stuff pretty much only got used once.  A few months ago she told me she was shopping on eBay and ordered more things for us.  She let me know it was things for the bedroom and this really excited me.  A week later, a box came and inside of it was the largest penis I have ever seen in my life and a few candles.  I was okay with the candles but I was extremely uncomfortable with the huge dildo.  However, she was so excited I didn’t want to say anything.  That night we used hot candle wax, the handcuffs, and the huge dildo.  It was exciting in a weird way but I hoped a 1 time thing.  Unfortunately, my wife now uses the small vibrator and huge dildo together almost every other night and I am no longer okay with this.  If the dildo was smaller, it wouldn’t be so bad, but the size makes me feel extremely awkward.  Also, after she is through and we have intercourse, her hole doesn’t feel the same.  It’s extremely loose.  I am scared I will hurt her feelings, especially since I originally suggested the toy thing to begin with.  I think she thinks the toys turn me on, but truthfully it does the opposite.  It’s not the toys though, it’s the size of the toy and how much she seems to enjoy it.  I honestly do not think she is pleased by my size anymore at all.  Any suggestions?

Nessa:  It surprises me how many times this question comes to us.  It’s obviously a big issue for men.

Ryan:  Yea, it’s a real big issue.

Nessa:  No seriously, with the wide array of things to worry about in a relationship, it seems like this huge issue hits home the hardest.

Ryan:  Yea, the wide array seems to be the huge issue hitting home pretty hard.

Nessa:  Will you please stop!

Ryan:  That’s what his wife said…

Nessa:  …fucking stop already!

Ryan:  Yup…

Nessa:  I’m done.

Ryan:  Okay, sorry.  What were you going to say?

Nessa’s response to Jealous of My Wife’s Huge Dildo

We’ve blogged in detail about our thoughts on wives and their huge dildos.   Since you are being open with us about your insecurities, just read your question to her.  Or show her this blog.  It’s that simple.  You can’t be mad or assume she understands how you feel without telling her.  You can even tell her that the huge dildo makes her feel too loose afterwards.  I mean, obviously, moments after taking out a huge dildo, the vagina will be much looser temporarily.  She can’t be mad at that.  Let her know that you aren’t comfortable and ask her if she can get a smaller size, maybe comparable to yours, or even under your size.  

As much as you think it would embarrass her to hear this from you.  If I were in her shoes, I’d be so much more embarrassed knowing you felt that way, and allowed me to think everything was okay.  I’d feel much worse than embarrassment.  I always want to know if I am doing something that turns my husband off, always.  

Ryan’s response to Jealous of My Wife’s Huge Dildo

Can you imagine if I bought a life sized doll with the exact same vagina as my wife?  I am sure that wouldn’t go over so well, no matter how sex positive I was trying to be.  Well now imagine that I bought a 50 foot woman doll and climbed up inside her vagina and bounced around in it nude for a few hours to get myself off.  Pretty silly right?

My point is, there is nothing wrong with you telling your wife that you are not comfortable with her have a dildo larger than life.  Or at least, larger than you.  If it makes you uncomfortable, it makes you uncomfortable.  If she is open minded and loves you, she will understand.  

If you seeing her enjoy herself is something you can’t give her, get over it.  She will get over it too.  Women don’t sit around and think about how great a huge cock feels to them.   Men do that.  It’s why you have such a problem with it.  Your wife isn’t going to obsess on that huge dildo because it made you uncomfortable.  In fact, once she mentally knows it bothers you, she may hate the idea of ever using it again.  Because she loves you.  She probably enjoyed it so much because she thought it would turn you on to see her extreme responses.  

Think for a second.  If you do something extreme, do you respond normally?  No.  You have an extreme response.  This was why she wanted to share that experience with you.  Imagine if she used the huge dildo and yawned and said “hurts more than it feels good” (which is probably the truth).  That wouldn’t be putting on a show for you.  She was trying to put on a show, and with a good attitude and enthusiasm, anything can be great.  And yes, with a positive attitude you can love huge dildos.    

Q&A: Should I Give My First Boyfriend a Rim Job?

rim jobQ&A:  Should I Give My First Boyfriend a Rim Job?

I have noticed a few blogs you guys have recently posted regarding rim jobs and have a question.  I am a senior in high school and started dating my first boyfriend about 3 months ago.  I feel like I have done everything with him that two people can do, but I haven’t licked his ass.  It seems like this is something girls do to guys now and he has even asked me about it.  But I am unsure if I want to spend my life forever with him, or if I am going to break up before heading off to college. We’ve both already talked about this.  We have different plans for our future.  Do you guys believe there is any long term regrets about eating another person’s ass?  If I find my future husband, will he have issues with the idea that I have licked another man’s ass?  I do understand that anything I have done before him shouldn’t matter, but is there some things a girl should wait until she feels she wants to be with a person for ever to try?  Serious question.  You guys seem to be totally open to rim jobs and that type of thing, but I do understand your perspective comes from a couple that has been married longer than I have been alive. So do you think it’s okay that if I was to give my first boyfriend a rim job?

Nessa’s response to should I give my first boyfriend a rim job

Judging by your hesitance to do this, I have a feeling that you’re not ready to commit yourself to him and that relationship in general. There’s nothing wrong with that, because three months is a such a short time to make that decision. And if you both have different plans for the future, I don’t see a need in giving him more than you’ve already given. Rim jobs are personal, and yes, because you’re not sure if you want to break up with him before heading off to college, I do believe you could regret it. It is special, but also something so intimate and personal that it could come back to haunt you. Save rim jobs for your future husband. He will thank you for it when one day you talk about the things you’ve done with other men (or high school boyfriends) and he wants to bond with you. You will say, “I’ve never licked anyone’s asshole before.”

Fortunately I didn’t go through my teenage years when giving guys rim jobs was a thing.  Porn didn’t show it, it wasn’t something that ever crossed my mind, and the internet wasn’t as popular and raunchy as it is now.  I may be totally out of touch with what is special and extra in a relationship these days.  When I was younger, swallowing a man’s cum was the “oh she done did it now” thing for girls to do. 

The big question was, “Do you spit or swallow?”

Now it’s, “Do you eat ass?”

You can break up with me, block my number, and never tell your next girlfriend about me.  But you can never unlick my ass hole.

 

Ryan’s response to should I give my first boyfriend a rim job

From a sex positive perspective, you should do whatever makes you feel good about yourself.  If you want to give your boyfriend a rim job, try it.  Are there possible repercussions later, maybe.

From a perspective of what I would tell my daughter, or my wife at that age, I’d suggest they wait until they find the person they want to spend their rest of their lives with.  And that’s just me being totally honest.

No matter how open minded your future husband will be, it’s going to be tough dealing with the idea that you have licked 37 other guys asses.

I understand the idea of not judging someone based on their history.  In fact, I hear a lot of couples never talk about the other’s sexual history.  They prefer to be ignorant to that person’s experiences and love them for who they are.  And that’s amazing to me.

That’s just not who I was.  I may be closer to that now, but as a young man, I was stubborn, close minded, and would absolutely have fell out of love based on someone’s sexual history.  Like I said, it was important to me.  As I have aged, I do still believe in transparency.  I also believe in the idea that if two people don’t agree on how they live their lives, they should not live their lives together.  If I met someone who didn’t want to be transparent, we wouldn’t date.  It really is that simple.  It’s not about right or wrong, it’s about having the ability to filter out people you don’t want in your life.  And that other person has the same ability to get rid of you if you are digging too much into their past. 

I believe that knowing a person’s history and accepting it, will better help you understand what type of person they are.  Whether they have cheated, been cheated on, and yes, the sexual conquests they experienced before they met you.  If your history is what made you the person you are today, then share it with me.  I want to know what made you the person you are.  I personally think it is foolish to ignore that history and just accept what you see in front of you.  

But were all not the same.  Some people want to keep experiences to themselves, privately.  Some may post their conquests on anonymous user names on Reddit, but otherwise, keep it to themselves.  No one or nothing will ever break into their experience vault and learn about their past.  Just that person, and the person they had the experience with.  And some couples are happy with this compartmentalization.  

So that’s what you should be asking yourself.  Do you want a man in your future that will want to know everything about you?  Do you want someone you can share all your experiences with and be an open book? Or do you want to have your own experiences that you have, and he has, that you never want to know about?  There is no right answer here.  It’s just the type of person you are, or want to be with.   

The best part of this question is, you are asking the question.  You are putting thought into something, rather than just doing it and regretting it later.  

Q&A: Is My Boyfriend Too Fat For Sex?

Is My Boyfriend Too Fat For Sex? 

So… I want to start off by saying that personally I find my boyfriend attractive but he is definitely fat. By that I mean I’d be unsurprised if he is not close to 400 pounds. At one point a couple months ago he said he was 360 (ish) I don’t remember exactly how much. However he is over 6 feet by a couple inches so it doesn’t look like he is as much as he is.  Is he too fat for sex?

Anyway… I’m near 100% sure that we can’t have sex. And I say this after having a couple positions with him in which we tried. I’m pretty short compared to him and so nearly every position his belly gets in the way. I haven’t said anything because the one time I tried he got really soft and I don’t want to hurt his feelings. He’s never brought it up but has stopped attempting sex at all.

His dick is small, only because of the fat surrounding it. If he’s laying down and I push his fat out of the way I believe he’d have about a 5-6 inch dick. Because I’m barely capping 5 feet there is no way possible for me to be on top of him.  I can technically get on top there is no way for my knees to reach the bed/surface. To be honest I have to be in near splits to even get my legs around him. And if he isn’t laying down his penis is closer to 2-3 inches.

Plus because of the height difference if we try missionary he has to kind of hunch over me.  This means his belly keeps him from doing more than… barely fucking my entrance? I don’t know… this is awkward for me to type. I thought anal might work better with me close to the edge of the bed and him kneeling.  That didn’t work because belly is still in the way.  The other night I was on my side with my ass toward him and one leg pulled to my chest and he could just barely almost touch either one of my holes.  Other than his head rubbing my entrance, there is no real penetration.  I’m wondering if there is anything else I can do to make it work?

It seems mean to break up because we can’t do it but… I’m in my 20s and I really want to have sex. I don’t want to say our relationship is sexless because we do still fool around and I enjoy it, but I’ve only slept with 2 other people quite a long time ago.  I want to experience it again. Also if we stayed together I’d eventually want kids in a couple years and how would that even work?

It’s really an issue even with blowjobs because I have to hold his belly and blow him which means I can’t really use my hands and it’s hard to do it at the angle I have to use. Its turned something I’ve always enjoyed into something I’d rather not do at all.

Any tips would be appreciated. I’ve read stuff online and people say they’ve always worked it out but wont detail how other than not be self conscious? I love the heavy petting we do but… I want more in my sex life and the oral and fingering is not great if I’m honest (though he’s gotten better!).


 

Nessa’s response to too fat for sex

According to a quick search, there are a lot of positions overweight men can enjoy with their women.  I do not really have many other tips besides a few links because I have never had this experience. For me to suggest anything else would be silly, since you could probably help other women dealing with the same issue as yourself more than I could.  In fact,  your question will be a lot more educational than my answer!  It seems you are working various positions trying to figure out what works best for you guys.  You have learned that pushing his fat down around his penis down exposes more penis. And you have tried bending over the bed, riding him, missionary, laying sideways, and even anal.  Just the fact you are experimenting and trying to find out what works best for you is a huge plus (no pun).  

In a recent study about premature ejaculations the results show that obese men tend to last longer in bed than slimmer men.  Seems like there are a lot of pluses to plus size men!

This was totally unknown to me.  As I read through the study it seems that obese men have more estrone, which may explain things.  

Estrone (also called oestrone) is an estrogen like estradiol and estriol. Unlike the other two, estrone comes from the ovaries, as well as the adipose tissue and adrenal glands. It is a weaker estrogen, commonly found in higher quantities in postmenopausal women.

This may also explain why they say larger men enjoy cuddling, are more sensitive to their partners needs, and are more in sync with your pleasure rather than their own.  

On another note, rather than trying to communicate with him about his weight while you are about to have sex, try to have a talk with him when you aren’t trying to have sex.  That way you do not have to worry about him losing his erection.

Ryan’s response to too fat for sex

According to Metro the top 5 male body shapes women enjoy in the bedroom:

  1. Overweight / plus-size men: 38%
  2. Athletic / muscle men: 21%
  3. Tall men (taller than 6 foot): 13%
  4. Short men (shorter than 5 foot 8): 10%
  5. Slim / petite men: 9%

Interesting.  Metro also listed the top 5 reasons why women prefer ‘overweight / plus-size men’ in the bedroom: 

  1. They seemed more eager to please me than themselves: 42%
  2. They were more caring and gentle: 42%
  3. They made me feel less self-conscious about my body: 27%
  4. I had better orgasms: 19%
  5. They were more adventurous and willing to try new things: 14%

As Nessa previously said, this may have to do with the Estrone levels found in larger men.

However, as much as that top 5 list makes for a great article, my opinion has always been, most women tend to like what they have.  And according to the statistics, more than 1 of 3 adults are considered to be overweight.  That statistic would fall right in line with the amount of women that prefer plus-size men.  Much like our article about women describing the perfect penis, a lot of woman prefer exactly what they have. Especially when she is happy and in love. 

And there is nothing wrong with that.

Although I cannot help you with finding positions that work best for you, I do commend you for experimenting and figuring out what feels the best for you two.  It may come down to a conversation where you express how much you love him but would love to help him lose weight so you can enjoy his actual size.  Remind him that his dick looks sexy as hell when you push the fat around his pubic area down.  And let him know you’d love to get all that inside you one day.  Or you can look into having a conversation about penis extenders / enlargers, which can help increase the size of a man’s penis by adding a soft sheath over the penis and making him thicker and longer.   Although we didn’t have a great experience with them, I’ve read that a penis enlarger can make for great sex.

Q&A: My Mom Found My Receipt for my Bondage Set and 10 Inch Dildo

10 inch dildoMy Mom Found My Receipt for my Bondage Set and 10 Inch Dildo

My mother knows my partner and I haven’t been sexually active for a while, she won’t be angry or anything it’s just incredibly goddamn embarrassing.  My 10 inch dildo guilt.

Well, the parcel arrived while my parents were at work so I destroyed the box and all packaging. Shredding everything into tiny pieces before putting them in an opaque carrier bag an into the bin. I thought I’d been very careful, I go away for the weekend to find a “Thank you for your purchases!” on my desk, with ALL my purchases listed including a bondage set and 10 inch dildo.

How incredibly embarrassing.

It wasn’t in an envelope or anything, does an invoice go to the house owner? I’m so fucking scared to have this conversation, actually teary from embarrassment.

Nessa’s response to mother finding 10 inch dildo

Michael Jackson comes to mind:

You are not alone!

We’ve been doing this for too long (but not quite as long as the dildo you purchased) when we start recycling huge dildo problems.

Sometimes you just have to swallow your pride, or like me, swallow the entire 10 inch dildo and call it a day.

 

sitting on a 10 inch dildo The best course of action here is to pretend nothing is wrong. Not only that, pretend nothing is even wrong with a 10 inch dildo. My advice is to walk up to your parents and ask them if they found a receipt from a sex store.  If they affirm, look your father dead in his eyes and say, “Well at least you only saw the receipt for what I warm up with and not the real deal…”

Maybe this will teach them never to use their eyes again around any piece of paper that is on the floor around your bedroom door.  Later, text your dad and ask him the dimensions of the bedpost.   Tell him you and your boyfriend are doing some bedroom shopping.

I’m kidding.

Seriously, it’s no big deal.  I get the embarrassment, but you’ll all get over it.  They are probably just as embarrassed as you.  Rather than throwing it away and living with the shame of knowing and you being oblivious, they let you know that they knew.  Some people do prefer to not have these weird secrets.  They may never want to discuss it, but they want you to know, they know.  That’s it.

Ryan’s response to mother finding huge dildo 

I’ve been caught prone masturbating by my mother.  Not really nude or anything, just my shorts pulled halfway down and me grinding against a towel.  My mom walked in like, “What are you doing?”  Obviously that was embarrassing as hell for me.  I just yelled, “Nothing!  Close the door!”  

Yup, the old classic “close the door” response!

I have been caught by my wife masturbating more times than I’d like to think about.  Each time was embarrassing, but the last time she just laughed and walked off.  This was in the beginning of our relationship when our sexual compatibility was off.  In fact, I did a lot of things during those days that embarrass me to even think about.

get off your high horse and sit on a 10 inch dildoEither way, I lived through it.  My parents lived through it.  Nessa lived through it.   You’ll live through it.  Your parents will live through it.   We aren’t perfect and the sooner you accept that, the better off you will be.  It’s okay that you like 10 inch dildos that you could probably pole vault with and break records at the Summer Olympics, no big deal.  Who doesn’t?