Questions and Answers: Submitting Questions

All questions posted on our website were either emailed directly to us, asked via social media: Twitter, Facebook, Reddit, or posted on our forums or other public help forums seeking advice.   We will keep all email addresses undisclosed and you will remain totally anonymous. If you want to reply in the comment section on a question of yours answered by us, please feel free to do so.  However, we understand if you do not.  If anyone has a question or finds a question online they would like to hear our responses to, please email them to us.

Although we are just your average couple, we are happy, have been married over 20 years, and have a very fulfilling and active sex life.  Any advice we give is not from a professional point-of-view, but from our humble point of view.

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Q&A: Am I A Fetish? Asian Girl Only Asked To HOOK UP, but not Date

Am I A Fetish? Asian Girl Only Asked To HOOK UP, but not Date

I’m a 21 F and I’m a 5’0 Asian, I can’t help but feel like all of the interactions I’ve had with guys are them sexualizing me and wanting to sleep with me, but none of them consider me in any way other than sexual. Like even when my friends who are white have dating profiles, all of their DMs are like let me take you out but mine are like when are we gonna link.

Venice’s response to Asian Girl am I a Fetish:

Every type of woman is a fetish.  Old, young, white, black, Asian, Spanish, chubby, skinny, etc.  And thank God for that.  If we weren’t a fetish of some sort, the fellas would be sitting on their game consoles all night arguing with each other where to drop on the map. Us being a fetish keeps them bathed, shaved, and behaved.  

Maybe look into your profile picture or info.  If you are being a bit flirty and funny, it may bring a different group of men than if you are straight forward with exactly what you are looking for.

Not really a bad profile, but flirty, naughty, and a bit more of a tease to the men who read it.  You’ll attract a certain type with this:

And the 420 friendly doesn’t help!

Now, let’s use the exact same photo, with something less flirty and more straight forward.  

You’ll get a whole different type of guy with this message.  They may be a bit boring, but you get what you ask for.

Ryan’s response to Asian Girl am I a Fetish:

We definitely have a type.  And you definitely need to filter who you decide to reply to.  You will get men that love Asian women because they are Asian and they want to “try” it.  The same as guys may hit up black girls/large girls/white girls/skinny girls with no real intention of dating seriously.  Just a fetish. So yes, if you catch a guy that is more into you as a fetish, you will be a fetish.  But rest assure, there are lines and lines of guys that would love to date a smart attractive Asian woman.  I was one of them!  I didn’t care if I was linking up or not, I knew I’d end up marrying an Asian woman, because that’s my type.  We have types.   

To be honest, I was happy if an Asian girl even said hi to me.  I grew up thinking American Asian girls would never even give me the time of day.  I thought I wasn’t their type!

Q&A: Older Woman Giving Me Money For Sex. What Do I Do?

Q&A: Older Woman Giving Me Money For Sex. What Do I Do?

I started seeing her when I was 18 and I just turned 19. She is 46.  At first, we just had regular sex and would hang out. She would buy me my favorite food and would give me small gifts and I let her know I wasn’t expecting anything in return for spending time with her. She said it was fine and that she wanted to just “spoil me sometimes”.

Then we got a little more kinky.  She started giving me some money, like $50 or sometimes $100 or even more.  I have tried declining, but she always insists on having me accept it. Well she started getting kind of rough with me- like slapping me, scratching me to the point where it leaves marks , biting me, and I even let her spit in my mouth.

I just do it because I like to satisfy her and I want to do things that she likes for her. When she started doing this kind of stuff she started trying to giving me A LOT of money. She tried giving me like $500 and even more, but I feel like that’s too much considering that I didn’t even wanna take the smaller amounts from her, but she insists on me letting her buy me stuff or giving me money. She already bought me a new phone and I don’t want her to feel like I am just using her.

I don’t want to seem ungrateful or like I don’t appreciate her either. What do I do with this money she gives me? Should I return it or what? How do I get her to stop giving me so much?

older women pay for sexVenice’s response to older woman giving money for sex:

It sounds like you have found a sugar momma!  Although I think it’s polite to decline any payment, if she insists, it may be part of her kink.  She may enjoy the idea of fucking a younger guy and paying him for it.  A variation of power or a maturity fantasy.  She gets off on you being a poor college kid that she uses for his penis, helps pay his bills, and has nothing in common with.  She just wants to fuck your brains out.  She probably thinks about this payment during sex, and even during her orgasms.  Knowing she pays you to pleasure her, may be a form of control, but also self degradation.  She may feel that a young man wouldn’t want to fuck her unless she paid his bills, and that gets her off. 

Either way, enjoy the ride and consider yourself lucky.  I’d never pay for a dick.

older women pay for sexRyan’s response to older woman giving money for sex:  

Talk about sex problems that really aren’t problems at all!  Jeez.  This isn’t something most of us deal with.  I’ve never been paid to slang this dick, so I wouldn’t know where to begin.  

Possibly, part of her fantasy is paying a young man to service her.  You have tried to decline, you have done everything you are supposed to do.  If she insists on paying you, take the payment and give her that young cock of yours.  It’s possible she has a form of self degradation.  This can come in all genders and ages.  We ourselves aren’t unfamiliar with doing kinky things that most people find disgusting.  

She may get off thinking a young man wouldn’t want her unless she pays.  Although that isn’t true, it could turn her on to think this way.  This may be part of her kink and how she orgasms, thinking she isn’t good enough for your young dick.  She pays you as a way to build up for her next session with you.  And this works both ways.  It may possibly be a form of degradation, where she wants to treat you like a prostitute.  She may get off using you and then leaving money for you, as if you are just her little boy toy.  Who knows?  But both variations require you to take the money.  What do you do with the money she gives you?  Well young Hugh Hefner,  buy yourself a Versace robe and stop asking so many damn questions!

 

Q&A: Cleaning Your Bed Sheets Between Partners

I have a partner who has a lot of other partners. And I’m cool with that, I do see other people too. We usually meet and have sex at her place. Which suits me as well.

But as far as I can tell, she doesn’t seem concerned with the hygiene of her bedsheets.

I could have sex with her on it, finish on her bed, and she won’t mind sleeping on it afterwards. So she probably does the same with other people.

I already asked her before laying there if she was confident about the hygiene of the bedsheet. She brushed it off like it was a weird question and she was obviously sleeping on hygienic sheets.

The issue is that I’m pretty sure the bed would be dazzling if we put it under fluorescent light, if you know what I mean…

But maybe it’s completely unharmful and normal in the hookup scene, and everyone is aware of it, and nobody really cares…

So am I being weird with my wish not to be bathing in other people’s bodily fluids when I get on the bed ?

Venice’s response to cleaning bedsheets

It’s easy to forget how important it is to change your sheets when you have a new lover.  Whether it be because you are comfortable in your own bed, or you just have poor hygiene, change your dang sheets!  

In fact, change your sheets regularly regardless of having a new partner or not.  It’s just good hygiene to keep your bedding clean and smelling good.  Most of us sweat a lot while we sleep, so after a week or so, it’s time to change those sheets.

Ryan’s response to cleaning bedsheets

For me, this is obvious.  Whether inviting over a third person into our bedroom or after the third person leaves our bedroom, we change our sheets.  Especially with all the extreme things we do. For me, this is common sense. 

Future title suggestion: “Clean your genitals between partners.”   

The same can be said for the vagina.  Please clean your vagina thoroughly if you are sleeping with various men.  I understand that douche is bad for the vagina but so is another man’s semen on my crotch, or in my nostrils when I try to have oral sex with you.  If you have multiple partners and you let one of them cum inside you, please make sure it’s clean!  Whether you are a swinger (especially swingers because usually their spouse orgasms inside them regularly) or a girl that has various partners.  I get this may be some weird kink or something, but at least let the other person know.  We can clearly tell and…smell.  And I mean CLEARLY. 

Can you imagine a man sleeping with one woman, wiping it down, then sleeping with another woman the next day?   Baby, my penis naturally cleanses itself on my underwear, that smell is totally normal….

No.

 

Q&A: Should I Hire an Escort To Have Threesome with Me and My Wife?

Q&A:  Should I Hire an Escort To Have Threesome with Me and My Wife?

First, I am from a county in Nevada where Escorts are legal.  With that being said, I hope we can get past the legal issue and just talk about whether or not hiring an escort is a good way to have threesomes with my wife.  She is bisexual and loves women as much as me.  However, it just seems damn near impossible to find a unicorn and I am not interested in full out swinging with another couple just to enjoy two women.  

Venice’s response in threesome with escorts

We’ve actually answered a question about escorts and threesomes in the past.  But it’s been 7 years, so let’s see if we come up with a totally different answer this time around!  First, as you clearly stated, it’s legal in your state, so that’s covered.  If you and your wife are both agreeable, I do not see why not?  We’ve thought about flying out to Vegas and possibly hanging out with a companion, but have never taken that step.  I guess partially because I enjoy giving a woman oral sex just as much as receiving.  And I am unsure if I would enjoy giving an escort oral sex.  Call me cheap, but paying to make another woman orgasm?!  However, it would still be a great idea if I wanted to spoil my husband or bypass the giving part of the experience.  

Regardless, it still comes down to two adults agreeing whether or not they want a professional or the “girl next door.”  Good luck finding the girl next door, because most of the “girls next door” we have dealt with were extremely sketchy.  I know that sounds weird, but these girls just seemed like they were hiding something (like a boyfriend or husband).  Or they just wanted to get to know a couple so they could use their “unicorn” status for favors.  For instance, we once had a girl we were hooking up with ask if she could use our travel camper.  WHAT?!  I mean, I can see borrowing a cup of sugar, but our entire 30 foot camper trailer?

So if your wife is really into receiving and being ate out by another woman, then an escort may be perfect for a threesome.  Just make sure you both understand a professional may eat her out better than you ever could, and fuck or suck you better than she ever could.  I mean, she is a professional.   Other than that, it is absolutely possible to enjoy a no strings attached threesome with an escort.  Just make sure you communicate and work out all the possible problems prior to taking the plunge. 

Hopefully that answers your question.

Ryan’s response in threesomes with escorts

I agree with my wife on the escort being a professional.  It’s not like my wife can go out and play 1 v 1 verse Lebron James and expect to keep up with him.  So if you hire a professional, just make sure you are both secure with your own sexual attributes.  

With that said, if you both are cool with it, for sure.  Guaranteed no strings attached, no games, and just pure adult fun with a woman who knows what she is doing.  And the truth is, she is probably just as clean as any woman that doesn’t date professionally.  I’ve found that the women interested in threesomes with a couple are extremely promiscuous and love sex.  Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I just don’t see their numbers and an escorts numbers being too far apart.  And that’s just being honest.  

You also get the rules up front, no misunderstandings, and no late night messages asking to borrow your camper trailer to go on a camping trip.   In this day and age you do not have to roam the streets or dark corners, you can find female escorts and quickly set up a date.  

Good luck with your threesome adventures!  

Q & A: I Am Jealous of My Wife’s Huge Dildo

jealous of huge dildoQ & A: I Am Jealous of My Wife’s Huge Dildo

My wife and I have been married for about 10 years.  About 3 years ago we decided to spice things up in the bedroom and bit and went to an adult store together.  It was my idea but she seemed okay with it.   While we were there we bought a few videos, some handcuffs, and a small vibrator shaped like a penis.  This was the first time we had ever any toys or extras.  We both loved the experience and other than the vibrator, the other stuff pretty much only got used once.  A few months ago she told me she was shopping on eBay and ordered more things for us.  She let me know it was things for the bedroom and this really excited me.  A week later, a box came and inside of it was the largest penis I have ever seen in my life and a few candles.  I was okay with the candles but I was extremely uncomfortable with the huge dildo.  However, she was so excited I didn’t want to say anything.  That night we used hot candle wax, the handcuffs, and the huge dildo.  It was exciting in a weird way but I hoped a 1 time thing.  Unfortunately, my wife now uses the small vibrator and huge dildo together almost every other night and I am no longer okay with this.  If the dildo was smaller, it wouldn’t be so bad, but the size makes me feel extremely awkward.  Also, after she is through and we have intercourse, her hole doesn’t feel the same.  It’s extremely loose.  I am scared I will hurt her feelings, especially since I originally suggested the toy thing to begin with.  I think she thinks the toys turn me on, but truthfully it does the opposite.  It’s not the toys though, it’s the size of the toy and how much she seems to enjoy it.  I honestly do not think she is pleased by my size anymore at all.  Any suggestions?

Venice:  It surprises me how many times this question comes to us.  It’s obviously a big issue for men.

Ryan:  Yea, it’s a real big issue.

Venice:  No seriously, with the wide array of things to worry about in a relationship, it seems like this huge issue hits home the hardest.

Ryan:  Yea, the wide array seems to be the huge issue hitting home pretty hard.

Venice:  Will you please stop!

Ryan:  That’s what his wife said…

Venice:  …fucking stop already!

Ryan:  Yup…

Venice:  I’m done.

Ryan:  Okay, sorry.  What were you going to say?

Venice’s response to Jealous of My Wife’s Huge Dildo

We’ve blogged in detail about our thoughts on wives and their huge dildos.   Since you are being open with us about your insecurities, just read your question to her.  Or show her this blog.  It’s that simple.  You can’t be mad or assume she understands how you feel without telling her.  You can even tell her that the huge dildo makes her feel too loose afterwards.  I mean, obviously, moments after taking out a huge dildo, the vagina will be much looser temporarily.  She can’t be mad at that.  Let her know that you aren’t comfortable and ask her if she can get a smaller size, maybe comparable to yours, or even under your size.  

As much as you think it would embarrass her to hear this from you.  If I were in her shoes, I’d be so much more embarrassed knowing you felt that way, and allowed me to think everything was okay.  I’d feel much worse than embarrassment.  I always want to know if I am doing something that turns my husband off, always.  

Ryan’s response to Jealous of My Wife’s Huge Dildo

Can you imagine if I bought a life sized doll with the exact same vagina as my wife?  I am sure that wouldn’t go over so well, no matter how sex positive I was trying to be.  Well now imagine that I bought a 50 foot woman doll and climbed up inside her vagina and bounced around in it nude for a few hours to get myself off.  Pretty silly right?

My point is, there is nothing wrong with you telling your wife that you are not comfortable with her have a dildo larger than life.  Or at least, larger than you.  If it makes you uncomfortable, it makes you uncomfortable.  If she is open minded and loves you, she will understand.  

If you seeing her enjoy herself is something you can’t give her, get over it.  She will get over it too.  Women don’t sit around and think about how great a huge cock feels to them.   Men do that.  It’s why you have such a problem with it.  Your wife isn’t going to obsess on that huge dildo because it made you uncomfortable.  In fact, once she mentally knows it bothers you, she may hate the idea of ever using it again.  Because she loves you.  She probably enjoyed it so much because she thought it would turn you on to see her extreme responses.  

Think for a second.  If you do something extreme, do you respond normally?  No.  You have an extreme response.  This was why she wanted to share that experience with you.  Imagine if she used the huge dildo and yawned and said “hurts more than it feels good” (which is probably the truth).  That wouldn’t be putting on a show for you.  She was trying to put on a show, and with a good attitude and enthusiasm, anything can be great.  And yes, with a positive attitude you can love huge dildos.