Q&A: I feel terrible after joining my friend and his girlfriend in a threesome. What should I do?

feel terrible after threesomeSo my friend and his girl have been continuously asking me to join them in a threesome after a night out at the bar. At first I didn’t think it would be a good idea but they kept asking and I finally said yes. We just set out the rules that I wouldn’t cum anywhere on or in my friend’s girl which I was completely fine with but everything else they said I can feel comfortable doing.

Fast forward to the time we started. We were all a little drunk and it was just a great vibe. As time went on, we changed positions multiple times and it was all going good. But something happened and my friend just wasn’t into it. I think they could sense that I was unsure so they both kept telling me to keep fucking her. I was honestly planning on stopping but she was practically begging me to keep going.  My friend left the room for a little bit, unsure why.  A couple minutes later my friend comes back in the room and it seemed like he couldn’t get hard again. I was noticing all of this while fucking her in doggy which was amazing.

This is where the problem starts. I’m more of the dominant person in sex and I know his girl was digging that. I was kind of controlling her and telling her what to do next.  The alpha.  Also I don’t mean to say this in any cocky or weird way but I’m just the bigger guy there being 6’3 and about 7 inches, while my friend is around 5’9 and relatively about 4 inches. I’m only giving this information because it seems like this was the downfall of the situation. During this threesome I felt his girl was feeling me more and was only paying attention to me, but I didn’t notice this at the time. So as I noticed him not getting hard while fucking her in doggy, something clicked to my brain and I just started fucking her pretty rough (which she was encouraging me to do). In the side of my head I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t stop. Me and my friend’s girl then switched to missionary and after that I ended up finishing in her.

After that I just felt terrible. I didn’t even want to do that but realized after what I did and I feel sick. I apologized to both of them after and it seemed like the girl was the only one ok with it. I feel what went wrong is that my friend got discouraged when he saw me be there dominant one with his girl which left him not feeling it. I realized this a little while having sex but I didn’t fully see it. This encounter essentially turned into him watching me fuck his girl pretty rough (which is what she asked for).

What do I do now I feel like I will never have him as a friend anymore?

Venice’s response to feel terrible after a threesome

Sounds like another horrible threesome experience from a couple that wasn’t ready, and a friend that was too horny to control himself.

In all honestly, you sound like a horrible friend.  The only hard boundary they had and you broke it.  You saw all the negative signs from him, yet ignored them.  You could have had sex with her, been rough, told her where to move, what position, and done anything you liked, but just simply not cum in her or on her.  

You should feel terrible, you are a terrible friend.  

Ryan’s response to feel terrible after a threesome

I wouldn’t consider you a friend at all.  Your version of this story seems like how it would read from a narcissist’s perspective, who happens to be a horrible lover.  A man so anxious to get pussy, he couldn’t even follow a simple rule and control himself.  Like an incel. The worst type of lover.  Mentioning your friend’s dick size and his height, as if because of that you think he felt inadequate.   He knew about your height prior correct?  Did you walk around on your knees and pretend to be 5’7 until you got naked with them?  Maybe it wasn’t your size, since one can assume a guy with “4 inches” already knows he is on the lower scale of sizes.  Maybe he just wasn’t as excited as he thought he would be seeing a man fuck his girl. 

I am sure you caused a lot of issues in their relationship, but you aren’t totally to blame.  Obviously he wasn’t prepared to have a threesome and didn’t take into consideration that asking a man to join them in bed, doesn’t mean the man will be the passive sex doll that does everything how they want.  Instead they got a horny guy that couldn’t control himself or hold his load properly.   Dumb decisions all the way around.  Good luck with your “friendship”.

Q&A: Am I Too Ugly To Give Blow Jobs?

too ugly blow jobsAm I Too Ugly To Give Blow Jobs?

I am a 21 year old female and struggle to enjoy sex with my boyfriend.  He is 27 years old.  I’m always horny and always down to have sex. I’ve never been with someone who I have found so unbelievably attractive and for some reason that puts me down. I feel embarrassed to take my clothes off.  I have a mom bod with stretch marks and I’m chubby.  I also don’t think I have the prettiest face. All I can think about during sex or giving him oral is how unattractive I look or if I’m even pleasing him, or if he is thinking about someone else. I have faked many orgasms just so he can finish or we can be done, I don’t think I remember the last time he made me cum. I cant even watch sex scenes during movies/shows with him because It makes me so insecure and down. I have asked him if I’m properly pleasing him or if there’s anything I can work on & he tells me no. I can’t even enjoy when he does go down on me (which he barely does & makes me feel like he doesn’t want to) because I’m so worried about myself. If I’m being completely honest it makes me tear up & get really emotional. It affects my daily life. (Please be nice, I’m just looking for some help & advice)

Venice’s response to too ugly for blow jobs

The good news is, if you are following the amazing guidelines in my Blow Job Bible, he won’t be able to see straight.  

With that said, I am sorry you have such a negative outlook on yourself.  If you don’t feel sexy, why would he find you sexy?   First of all, confidence is sexy.  Are you sucking his dick with confidence?  Or are you sucking his dick and scared to look at him in the face.  Scared to be extra dirty.  Scared to moan sexy or do all the things you know could be sexy, but because you are self-conscious, skip all that. 

You have to suck dick like you don’t have a care in the world.  Lose yourself in how sexy you look with a dick in your mouth.  Show him confidence.  Show him you’re sexy because you say you’re sexy.

I don’t know exactly how to make you feel pretty to him, but I do know you need to have more confidence in yourself.  Everyone deserves good sex.  Everyone deserves to be treated like they are beautiful.  You should demand it.  How he treats you outside of the bedroom is a big sign on how he feels about you in the bedroom.  If he treats you good, tells you you are beautiful, stop over thinking it.  If he doesn’t do that, maybe find a man that will.

Ryan’s response to too ugly for blow jobs

ugly blow job

Let’s be honest, even the most beautiful person in the world (male or female) looks like a bug-eyed mosquito while sucking dick.  Nothing is very pretty about seeing the veins pop out in her forehead, eyes water, her mouth stretched, and spit all over her face.  And at the same time, nothing is more beautiful.   

The ugliness of sex is what makes it so damn sexy.  The painful looks she makes while she orgasms, the various faces she makes while she is jackhammered, the face fucking, the runny make up, the slobber.   Lovely.

No matter what you think you look like, what does he think you look like?  I assume if he is dating you, he thinks you are beautiful.  If he goes out in public and holds you, is proud, and shows you off to the world, he adores you.  When he watches you giving him a blow job, it doesn’t change, it just gets better.   If he doesn’t treat you like his princess and show you off in public, then this is just a self esteem issue you have to deal with.  Until you treat yourself like a beautiful person, no one else will either. 

 

Q&A: Should I Tell The Husband’s Wife he is Gay and Sleeping With Me?

gay husbandQ&A: Should I Tell The Husband’s Wife he is Gay and Sleeping With Me?

We met on Grindr. I live in a major city, he lived in a small suburb about 40 minutes away, so we always met up in my city for dates and my apartment for sex for the past 3 years, once or twice a week. Plus he went to a gym that was close to my apartment, so he was always in the area, there was never really a reason for me to go out to the suburbs. We were never exclusive, and he’s bisexual, so I knew he was having sex with both men and women while we were doing our thing.

One day without any warning he blocked my number. I needed to know what I’d done wrong. So I started sleuthing online, trying to find an e-mail address I use to write him, if only to get closure. He has a very generic name (like “John Smith” but not actually “John Smith). I don’t use Facebook, and so when he said he didn’t have Facebook, it didn’t really raise any red flags for me. But I got on Facebook and start searching for everyone with his name: no luck. I knew he was friends with a trainer at the gym, so I found the trainer on Facebook, and started going through his friends list: no one with that name. But I found someone else with his picture. And he was married.

gay husbandI’ve been coming to terms with the fact that I’ve been having sex for the past 3 years with a married man whose name I didn’t even know. Not only did he tell me his name was “John Smith” but he told me he’d been engaged but broken up with his fiancee because he’d caught her cheating, and while he was heartbroken, realized he was bisexual and decided to explore that side of his sexuality. Instead, he was married and he’d been cheating on his wife.

A part of me wants to contact his wife to tell her he’s been having unprotected sex with other women and men. I don’t know whether it’s out of concern for her health and safety–I’m on PreP but I doubt she is–or to satisfy my need for vengeance. But another part of me doesn’t want to out his sexuality. I don’t know what to do.

Venice’s response to gay husband

gay husbandInteresting question.  Part of me says tell the wife, because she deserves to know.  The other part of me says, snitches get stitches.  

Let’s try to figure out why he blocked you.

The chances are, when he blocked you he was already caught.  Especially if he blocked you for no reason and without warning.  Whether it be she found emails or texts from you two, or another man (or woman).   In the process of working it out, most people require all outside contact is shut off, cold turkey.   Whether it be from her, or from him showing her that he will never do it again.  A guilty conscious, him trying to do what is right, or her doing it for him and him being cooperative.   Him reaching out “one last time” for closure, shows he cared.   We have to assume he told his wife he doesn’t care about any of them, it was just sex.

Sound familiar?

If you do reach out, just know, the wife is more likely to believe him than you anyway.  You may cause an argument, but he will more than likely find a way to label you as some weird stalker from the gym.  He’ll downplay anything he has done. And once they’ve cleared that up, him ever contacting you again is definitely out of the picture. 

My advice is let him go and move on.  If he has already made the steps to block you, and it really was without reason, then she probably already knows.  Blocking you seems reactive to them probably getting in a fight over her seeing the emails herself.  If you ever want to see him again, show him you can keep your relationship discrete and do your own thing.  

Remember, you aren’t just calling her and letting her know he is a cheater, you are calling her and letting her know he is a cheater and gay.  Be careful.

Ryan’s response to gay husband

gay husbandIt seems like him blocking you for no reason would be the biggest hint that she already knows.  He was probably already caught.  His reaction was to block everyone to show her he is a changed man.  Telling the wife only shows that he will never be able to trust you again, if he ever did (he has been lying to you the whole time).  You’re not going to be the hero that saves her from STDs, but you will get that revenge you may subconsciously want.  

I find it hard to believe after 3 years with “John Smith” you didn’t already know the deal.  I think now that you lost contact,  you are desperate and trying to think of any way to get back in contact with him, even if its through his wife.  Start the healing process and let it go.   

 

Q&A: My Boyfriend and I tried anal play and now he feels disgusting.

boyfriend anal playMy Boyfriend and I tried anal play and now he feels disgusting.

I’m a 20 year old female and my boyfriend is 21.  We decided to try something new and it started off with me eating his ass, which he liked.  I then put my finger in and he loved it.  When I tried to put two fingers in, he orgasmed.  This was the first time he has finished so quickly.  He usually takes between 30-60 minutes even with penetrative sex to orgasm and he never orgasms just from head.  But this time, he jerked off as I played with his ass and he came within just a few minutes!

After he was done he had a weird look on his face, got up immediately and went to the bathroom.  When he came back he wouldn’t even look at me. I tried to get him to open up and he said that he liked it but he’s angry and feels disgusting for liking it. I told him I won’t bring it up again unless he wants to try it again at some point and he replied saying he would do it again in an instant, he just feels so disgusting and emasculated for liking it.

butt playI tried telling him that our bodies are weird and why should we limit ourselves when there is so much pleasure to be found everywhere. Plus every first time is an emotional experience but he wouldn’t even look at me or say anything.  After about 30 mins he told me he needs to go and went back to his place.

 

I think this may be stemming from his upbringing (we are both from very strict Asian backgrounds) and it sucks seeing him feel so disgusted with himself when it’s something he just found out he enjoys. I want him to be happy and feel good and I’ve never seen him feel this way about himself, especially when it comes to sexual things

How do I handle this without making the situation worse ?

Venice’s response to boyfriend anal play

 

ass play boyfriend peggingPersonally, as an Asian woman, I do not think Asian culture is any different than masculine men culture, it’s universally embarrassing for most straight men to first come out about enjoying fingers in your ass.  Even now, in a lot of urban, more masculine cultures in America, some men won’t even admit to masturbating.  It’s a sign of weakness.  Why masturbate when I can get pussy?   And a lot of men, especially the immature ones in their early teens to late 20s, still get embarrassed at the thought of eating pussy.   

Say what?!  Whether it be gross, emasculating, or a sign of being a cuck…why would they eat the hole other men have fucked?  And of course, all of these reasons are immature and dumb as fuck!  Excuse my French.

With that said, I believe this has changed a lot in recent years.  Because now it seems men are open about not only eating pussy, but have no issues admitting they love to dive face first into a woman’s ass.  I believe social media has helped open up men from all walks of life, to admit what they enjoy, because social media still has a bit of anonymity to it.  And the truth is, men have always loved to dive in and “accidentally” lick our asses, low key.  And a lot of them didn’t mind a wandering finger during a blow job.

get this dock

Before I get into answering your question, let me make sure you understand my perspective.  I am the Asian girl who wrote “A Total ‘How To’ Woman’s Guide To Licking Your Man’s Ass.”

In other words, I am all for anal play, ass play, pegging, or whatever else a couple can do with each other’s bodies. However, this doesn’t happen over night.  Most men, especially after trying something some people consider “gay” for the first time, will show some sort of embarrassment. He isn’t going to take it up the ass and be proud afterwards.  He has to be careful, he wants to know you understand he isn’t gay.  He also possibly feels he has to overreact to ensure you understand, this isn’t something he would “normally” do.   And what’s also interesting, he may have the same reaction with all the other women he dates in the future.  For whatever reason, even in an open minded relationship, men can’t just come out and say they love ass play.  It’s a gradual admission.

Just be patient, accepting, and make sure you keep letting him know that you don’t consider anything the two of you can do to each others’ bodies gay, or even a sign of gayness.  Nor should he be emasculated.  Give him time.  Eventually you will find yourself diving down to his ass, kissing him afterwards, and enjoying what a couple can do with each other, without the shame that comes along with it.  It’s a sexual maturation process we all go through.  And I mean ALL OF US.

Ryan’s response to boyfriend anal play

 

boyfriend anal play

Just to start this off, I’d like to link to one of the most masculine guy in the world, who openly admits he prefers transwomen to non transwomen.   I can’t go into each video or find the exact moments, but his name is Big Lenny and he is extremely open with his sexuality.  He does not say he is gay, but he keeps it no secret that he likes butt play, likes beautiful women with penises, and would tear your head off if you questioned his masculinity.

The Delray Misfits – YouTube

Obviously your boyfriend is embarrassed.  Most men do not just throw the legs up and let a woman dive in unless it’s something they thought about privately at some point.  I am sure if you discussed something new and found his ass up in the air enough for you to lick it, he knew exactly what he wanted to try.  Sometimes when we expose ourselves to our kinks and leave ourselves extremely vulnerable.  Yes, depending on the kink, we get overwhelmed with embarrassment as soon as we orgasm.  The first time I orgasmed in front of Nessa, I cried.  I just felt so weird, so exposed, so wrong (wtf), that crying just felt right for me.  It was something I had only done by myself up until that moment so I felt super vulnerable and didn’t know how she’d think of me.

We are taught to do anything sexual alone and keep our kinks hidden.  When exposed, we feel vulnerable and exposed.  Sometimes the kinks we enjoy, aren’t perceived as masculine, so it’s also emasculating.   It isn’t uncommon for us to put on a show, to make sure the person knows, “This isn’t the normal me.  I am so much more manly and tough, I’d never cum to a finger in my ass and be proud!!!!   Roar!  I am a man, hear me roar!”

boyfriend anal playSo we put on a little “show.” Acting upset, shocked, or just letting the other person know how disgusted we are, may be some authentic emotion, but it is also to save face.  And we’ll save face until we feel comfortable that you didn’t judge us, you accepted our kink, and it’s okay to enjoy what we enjoy.  So far, you have done everything right!  You said all the right things.  You were patient.  You have now went through all the obstacles you think he is going through, from being embarrassed or emasculated, and are starting to understand, he isn’t gay.  He just likes anal play.  Now, imagine all the women that first play with their man’s asses and question his sexuality.  This happens all the time!  And good for you,  you didn’t do that.  But just know, he has his own process he has to go through to ensure you understand him.  Give him time.  His kink is exposed.  He obviously really enjoyed it.  It will only get better from here, as long as you keep an open mind.

Q&A: My boyfriend tells me my vagina smells, I’m his worst lover, and then cheated on me.

worse boyfriend cheatedMy boyfriend tells me my vagina smells, I’m his worst lover, and then cheated on me.

I am 26 years old and my boyfriend is 28.  I am upset because he keeps telling me that all his previous girlfriends used to pleasure him in the best way by giving him amazing head and prostate orgasms .  He complains that I am just too vanilla for him.

My backstory:  I lost my virginity to him 2 months ago, and he always says I make too much noise or that my vagina smells. I feel like he’s always complaining, but god forbid if I tell him he’s making the slightest mistake. I just want to have smooth communication, but he’s my first boyfriend so I don’t really know how.

Last week my heart broke into a million pieces because I went out to buy candles and cute lingerie to surprise him and show him that I could be better in bed, only for him to come home from work with a long face to “talk”. I’m not an idiot, so I knew this meant he was gonna rant to me about how he’s not getting enough pleasure from the bedroom. And boy do I wish it was that. He told me that his coworker has been flirting with him and he couldn’t help himself. They had sex but he swore he didn’t catch feelings and it was a one night thing.

I love him, but I’m so hurt and I’ve been going though a lot mentally so this really took a toll on my mental health. I really don’t know what to do so some advice would be really appreciated.

Venice’s response to worse boyfriend cheated

This one is going to be extremely easy.  Break up with him.

Ryan’s response to worse boyfriend cheated

I think telling a woman her vagina smells is equivalent to a woman telling a man his penis is small.  Although your penis may be small, you’d hope that your partner is more sensitive about it.  Him attacking your vagina smell seems like his way of beating down your self-esteem. It’s a form of abuse.  And the more you lose self-confidence, the less chance you have of breaking up with him.  Slowly disrespecting various things about your body (your weight, your vagina smell, your sense of style, your personality, and even your lack of sexual skills) and making you self-conscious, keeps you under his control.  What are the chances of you breaking up with him if you think every man is going to be grossed out by your vagina smell?  

Another control method is for a guy to compare you to his ex girlfriends.  Although most of the time, it’s never true.  His ex girlfriend being so great at sex is more than likely a porn he saw where the woman did everything his heart desires.  It’s what he wants in a woman, but uses his “ex” as a form of control.  Rather than comparing you to porn to get what he wants, he compares you to a tangible person that you’d more than likely try to compete with.  He knows this.  However the huge flaw here is, if his ex girlfriends were so much better in every way, why are they his ex girlfriends?

The perfect answer to the ex girlfriend scenario is simple: Well, leave me alone and go back to your ex girlfriend then.”  And to add a bit of spice, make sure you add, “If you mention anything about your ex’s to me again, we’re done.”  No exceptions.

Draw your line.  It works.

As far as openly telling you he cheated.  This is grounds to break up regardless.  He doesn’t respect you as a person.  If you allow him to cheat, allow him to admit he cheats, allow him to tell you his ex girlfriends are better than you, allow him to disrespect your smells, then what won’t you allow him to do?   

In other words, Venice said all this above in one sentence.  Break up with him.