Q&A: How to respond when women tell me they squirt when I am not into squirting?

Q&A: How to respond when women tell me they squirt when I am not into squirting?

20 years ago, I wasn’t even aware of this. Never heard of it.  Obviously, it’s become a very popular thing in porn and real life.  I was in a relationship for the last two years. It’s over, and I’m single. Back in the saddle, meeting women again, and ALMOST ALL OF THEM TALK ABOUT SQUIRTING. They say they can squirt, they do squirt, etc. I’m not sure if it’s to turn me on, or just a fair warning. Both?

Okay. I’m an adult. I can deal with lots of things. I’m usually very good at talking things through.  But I don’t even know what to say. If a woman can squirt, and is telling me because she thinks I’m into it, it makes sense to just share that I’m not into it, right?  But if it’s somewhat involuntary, then saying I’m not into it might make her feel ashamed or unwanted.

Honestly, I don’t know what to say without making a thing out of it. Any helpful hints?

Venice’s response to women squirting

I have only squirted a few times in my life and they were totally involuntary.   So I do not really mention it to other women I am with because I’d have no control over it regardless.  If they know the secret pressure points, then they know exactly what they are getting into when they are doing their jedi mind tricks inside of me!

As far as other women telling me they squirt, I am not picky about these types of things and usually take a backseat to how Ryan feels.  I’d probably be shocked and flattered it if happened with a woman I was fingering or eating out.  This question is good though because I know Ryan has the same feelings towards squirting as you. 

We did have a woman tell us she squirted and was proud she could finally feel free about her body and let things happen naturally.  She openly said her previous relationships her men were closed minded about it.   Ryan pretty quickly said to her that he definitely wasn’t into that type of thing either, especially with someone new.    Probably not the best response, but sometimes being communicative can be harsh.  And he really isn’t into it.  

Luckily, due to our communication, we’ve managed to not have any “accidents.”   That may be because we didn’t excite them enough, or the penetrative part of sex wasn’t long or rough enough.  Admittedly in all our experiences with women we have never been big on penetration.  Usually we are more focused on oral sex, toys, and reaching orgasms without penetration.  Or, a lot of times women can control their squirting and tend to squirt when they know it excites their partner.   They may be feeling you out to see if you are into it, because if you are, they will wet your sheets up to turn you on.  If you are not, they will keep that trick on the backburner until you are ready.

Ryan’s response to women squirting

Firstly, remember our perspective is from a couple that opens our bedroom to other women.  I am not a single guy on the dating scene looking to find someone to hook up with.   But the new phenomenon of women who can squirt has been equally noticed.  With porn and even live cam chats having goals such as, “I will squirt at 100 tokens,” I assume women think this is something most men enjoy.   As Venice said, personally I am not big on squirting.  With her, of course I love it.  But that’s because she is my wife and someone I have been with for 25 years.  Nothing she does can gross me out.  But with someone new, that we are hanging out with, I’m definitely not into being squirted on.    

In your situation, I’d let the person know that squirting really isn’t my thing and if she can control it, try not to squirt.  I understand that this can be a total turn of or even offend a woman that can’t control it, but I am equally offended by being pissed on for fun when a woman can control it.  But don’t attack me yet!  I am not saying that all squirting is urine, but when a woman can control it and it’s something she does to spice things up, then most definitely I am saying that would be urine.  And with someone new to our bedroom, I am not into that.  Much like I can assume they would not want me to urinate on them for fun during oral sex.  Or urinate inside them during sex to turn my condom into a huge water balloon that randomly pops after it gets too full (although that possibly could feel great?!?).  

 

Study shows, Longer Penis Size Does Matter, especially to women that have vaginal orgasms through penetration

Study shows, Penis Size Does Matter, especially to women that have vaginal orgasms through penetration

Despite always hearing “size doesn’t matter,” this actually isn’t totally true.  It may be true to women who cannot achieve orgasms through penetration (between 70 percent to 90 percent of women are unable to achieve orgasm with penetration alone) but penis length and size does matter to the rest of us that do orgasm through penetration.

Studies find that women who have frequent vaginal orgasms are more than likely to have an orgasm easier if the man’s penis is longer.  For me specifically, it is the length that triggers my body’s orgasm during sex.  The bottom of the vagina, also known as the posterior fornix, has nerve endings that are not attached to the clitoris and give an entire different sensation sexually.  This is also known as the p-spot.  And although it’s common to hear it’s the width that matters, that isn’t true for me.   If it isn’t hitting the p-spot, it’s just stretching my walls and possibly ripping me.  And that never feels good.  And apparently, I am not alone, as women who tend to prefer penile-vaginal intercourse over other types of sex (oral) also say the same, researchers reported online in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.   

But other researchers were less convinced.

“There’s such variability in preference,” said Barry Komisaruk, who researches female sexual response at Rutgers University. Women who orgasm through vaginal stimulation may indeed prefer longer penises, Komisaruk told LiveScience, but not everyone prefers to orgasm that way. (10 Odd Facts About the Female Body)

There is no doubt about that!   For the first 20 years of my sexual life I could only orgasm through masturbation with my fingers on my clitoris, oral sex, or the use of a vibrator.   All purely clitoris orgasms.  It didn’t matter the width or length of the penis,  my body was unable to achieve orgasms through sex.   When that changed, and I became orgasmic through sex (various factors: age/sexual peak/comfort/and learning to pay attention to myself and stop making theatrics during sex a priority), I noticed that if my husband isn’t going all the way in, it is far less enjoyable.   Depending on positions, such as him laying sideways, there is not as much penetration as positions like doggy style or missionary with my legs up.  If his penis doesn’t hit the bottom and create that posterior fornix pressure, I cannot achieve an orgasm.  When his penis is totally erect and bottoms out, it can instantly trigger orgasms.   And most of the time it doesn’t stop until he orgasms or slows his pace and allows my body to recover.  This bottom area is where the p-spot is located and creates a sensation I can’t really explain.  For those women that have felt this, they know.  It’s almost indescribable. 

But let’s get back to these studies. 

There is still scientific debate about whether vaginal and clitoral orgasms are different phenomena. Different nerves carry signals from the vagina and from the clitoris, Komisaruk said, and stimulation of each activates different brain regions. But some researchers argue that vaginal stimulation is simply activating a different, internal, section of the clitoris. Women report different sensations from vaginal and clitoral orgasms, Komisaruk said, but which one women prefer largely comes down to personal preference.

In some cases, female orgasm is even more complex. For example, Beverly Whipple, professor emerita at Rutgers University and one of the discoverers of the G spot, a sensitive area felt through the front wall of the vagina, has found that women with complete spinal cord injuries can sometimes experience orgasm, even though the nerves that carry sensation up the spinal cord from the pelvis have been severed. It’s likely that the sensory vagus nerve, which runs in the abdomen but bypasses the spinal cord, is recruited to carry signals to the brain in these cases, Whipple told LiveScience.

That’s actually pretty interesting.  Being that a longer penis can push around the abdomen area much easier than a short penis, it would explain why depth matters!  And it also explains why other research has found that abdominal exercises induce orgasms in some women, resulting in pleasurable spasms at the gym.   

Some researchers holds a different view, pointing to studies finding that the ability to orgasm with vaginal stimulation alone is correlated with better psychological functioning, better relationship quality and greater sexual satisfaction.

“Earlier research with a large representative sample also found that women who are made aware in their youth that the vagina is a source of women’s orgasm are more likely to develop the capacity for vaginal orgasm. Therefore, those who deny these findings (and insist on maintaining the politically correct party line) are not doing women a favor, but might be injuring women’s health and sexual potential.”

Length isn’t the only variable with orgasms during sex, that’s for sure.  As I stated earlier, I was unable to achieve orgasms sexually, regardless of length.  It wasn’t until my 40s I was truly able to enjoy orgasms through sex alone and there were a lot of mental factors that played a part in it.   But once all those mental factors are sorted out, size does matter!

From not having orgasms as a teenage girl, to guaranteed orgasms as a woman.

Female Orgasm - Jada KaiFrom not having orgasms as a teenage girl, to guaranteed orgasms as a woman.

I can remember telling my husband when I first met him that I could not have orgasms.  I had played with shower heads, combs, and my fingers, but other than relaxing me, I wasn’t orgasmic.   The good thing is, I was naturally passive so I got a lot of pleasure from making him orgasm.  Although sex felt good, it wasn’t something I believe I could cum from.   Shortest blog ever?   End of story?

Well, I guess the story could end there if girls didn’t have stubborn men with egos and high sex drives.  Me not being able to achieve an orgasm was not something my future husband accepted.  After realizing oral sex was nothing like a shower head, a comb, or my fingers, orgasms was definitely something I could achieve.  However, it took my husband hours at a time staying down on me, not moving his head or body, no noise in the room (neighbors talking too loud next door or a dog barking could throw me off), and me laying as still as possible until I exploded.   The good news?  I was orgasmic!   The bad news?  It was probably very boring!  In fact, I have learned now being bisexual and really into women, most women cannot make me cum for this exact reason.  Truthfully, most of them do everything perfect.  The licking, sucking, and sometimes dig their tongues deep inside me.  But unlike porn, just because you do everything right, doesn’t mean I’m going to cum in minutes.  I’m definitely not.  In fact, I have only came once with another woman.   Although I never explained to her what I needed, she stayed down on me for well over an hour and was probably bored out of her mind!  But she did it!

Enter sex toys.

guaranteed orgasmPrior to sex toys my sex life consisted of my husband going down on me for probably an average of 45 minutes to an hour.   After I orgasmed, he would then have sex with me for his own orgasm.   We both knew I couldn’t cum through sex, so we just took turns.  And then one day we walked into a local sex shop and my life changed.  From toys that vibrate and suck on your clit, like the Satisfyer pro 2, to wands that make me convulse and twitch in seconds.

I remember coming home from the sex shop on that first night and holding a vibrator up to my clit while I was being fucked.  I came 9 times in about 10 minutes.    No longer was I not orgasmic through sex, I was now multi-orgasmic.  In fact, I’d say sex toys taught me how to relax my mind during sex and rather than needing my husband have to be a statue that didn’t move anything but his tongue, I trusted in the process.  This relaxation of the mind led me to be orgasmic through sex, without any extra toys and tools!

So I am a believer in finding a good sex toy to slowly teach yourself to relax.  It takes all the pressure off having an orgasm and tends to let things happen naturally (and quickly).  

Now, just because you have learned to make us orgasm, try not to ruin them once you’ve hit the promise land!

 

Q&A: How to introduce condoms after months of raw sex?

 

Q&A: How to introduce condoms after months of raw sex?

I am a 23 year old female and had been seeing this 33 year old guy for 3 months in the summer. When he first initiated sex he didn’t mention protection or move to grab a condom at all, so we had raw sex.  I didn’t mention it in the moment as I didn’t want to make things awkward (although I would’ve found it the biggest turn on if he had).

I brought it up a couple weeks later and he gave that old spiel about generally being able to tell whether a girl has anything or not. I told him that I didn’t want to have unprotected sex until we got tested. Interestingly in the weeks he took to get it done, he didn’t initiate penetrative sex – I don’t know whether he was trying to be considerate of my feelings or that he thought condom sex was pointless. We did have sex with a condom once and it wasn’t any more difficult for him to come. He said it was better than he thought it was going to be.

I ended up ending things with him for unrelated reasons but we have reconnected and started talking again in the past couple of weeks. However even though he sent me his results and he’s all clear I still don’t want to have raw sex anymore. I’m imagining the conversation and it being awkward af… What’s the best way to say that I want to use condoms indefinitely despite the fact that we didn’t at the beginning?

Thanks in advance! 🙂

Venice’s response to raw sex or condom

The best way to communicate is by communicating.   Simply tell him you aren’t going to have any type of intercourse without a condom.   There is no tricky way to get your message and point across.  Unfortunately, sometimes conversations and sexual topics can be awkward af.   But pregnancy or wondering if the birth control may land on that .1% chance it doesn’t work is definitely stressing.   And just having a casual partner’s cum inside you the following day when you are no longer horny isn’t that hot.  Personally, I wouldn’t want a casual partner’s cum in my body the entire next few days following sex, no matter how hot he is.  So I agree, raw sex is something very personal and something I’d want to experience only if I were in love.   So communicate and let him know your reasons why.  That’s really all you can do.  If it’s awkward, it’s awkward.  The alternative is exactly what you went through before, him just doing it how he wanted, or avoiding sex altogether.

I Stopped Wearing Panties And I’ll Tell You Why

I Stopped Wearing Panties And I’ll Tell You Why

First, this will probably make my naughty selfies a bit more difficult to do, because I only wear panties in those selfies!!!! lol.  So I guess I will stop wearing panties unless I am taking selfies?  Either way, let me tell you why I have stopped wearing panties. 

As kids, we’re told, “Make sure you have on a fresh pair of underwear in case you get into a car accident!” Why? Because it would be embarrassing to have a not-so-fresh pair on if there’s ever a need to for anyone to take them off you. But, like who? The city morgue? At that point, there’s probably more than day-old vagina juice on the crotch. But that’s neither here nor there…

Later in life, as you mature and have better, advanced hygiene (and by advanced, I mean, you understand that having your moist body juices against your body for an extended amount of time can be more detrimental than you think), you realized that having undergarments on at all times isn’t always the best way to go.

In my later years of marriage, we started sleeping nude. I can’t even remember the last time I bought or even wore pajamas, a nightgown, or a t-shirt. It feels so good to be free! So it makes sense that the next step is not wearing panties during the day. At all! I wear a lot of skirts and dresses, so as I walk around, my lips feel a gentle breeze with each step, no elastic cutting into my hips and thighs! Liberating my labia have never made me feel so alive! I pass by people and I have an increased sense of confidence and panache. I watch their eyes and think, “If they only knew…” kind of daring them to glance between my legs. Wearing no panties is saying, “If you’re nervous to talk in front of people, imagine them all being naked”; however, wearing no panties in public is reversed: I am wearing the panties and my exhibitionism is quietly flaunted. It’s daring. Subtle. And if the wind blows just a little too hard, it’s dangerous and exhilarating.

But other than these simple reasons, I also have a few more things that most people may not know. 

1. Stopped Wearing Panties: Reduces the risk of infections

Infections can sometimes get really bad and painful, and practically no one wants that. Some panties, especially the synthetic ones, prevent the air from flowing in, trapping excess moisture and microbes that further act as a breeding ground for infections, leading to UTI or yeast infections.

2. Stopped Wearing Panties: Less chafing and irritation

Chafing and irritation are common problems faced by women, and if you are one of them, then going commando can relieve you from these painful conditions.  Especially after a rough sex session, or multiple sessions, the labia can be swollen and raw.  And not just from sex, from having my labia sucked on extremely hard (I love this).   At least that’s the case in my sex life.   Sometimes the abused labia skin can even peel as it heals.   Unfortunately tight fitting panties irritate and interrupt this process.  Panties that are ill-fitted can cause friction, leading to these issues in the vaginal area. So, either go for properly fitted panties or just ditch them altogether!

3. Stopped Wearing Panties: Promotes comfort

As mentioned above, while you might think ditching an panties will make it uncomfortable for you, the case is exactly the opposite. A few days down the line, you’ll feel more comfortable and relaxed. And since there’s no moisture trapped, it also keeps the odor away, making you even more comfortable!  

Air it out ladies.

4. Stopped Wearing Panties: There’s lesser bacteria migration

Your choice of a panty style and fabric can increase the chances of bacteria contamination from your anus to your vaginal area. And as you know, ureter infection is most common among women, due to bacterial growth in the genital organs. So, ditching those panties can do a whole lot good for you!

5. Stopped Wearing Panties:  Gives you a reason to keep your clothes clean

Finally, there has always been the misconception that if you do not wear panties you will get juices all over the crotch of your jeans and dresses.  Well, wash your clothes!  Is it gross that a woman wears a pair of jeans and changes her panties to keep her crotch clean, SO SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO WASH HER JEANS?!  Or is it gross that I can get my lady juices on a pair of tight jeans and just wash them before I wear them again?   In other words, does wearing panties promote lazy behavior?  Especially with Covid, I prefer washing my clothes after I wear them.  So no panties, no problem!

Other opinions from around the web:

No knickers ever

I stopped wearing knickers over six years ago. I love wearing short skirts and dresses with nothing beneath. It is much more healthy and certainly more comfortable. I don’t really worry if someone sees a bit too much. It probably makes their day. I would never go back to wearing them again. I also seldom wear a bra. ~ Julie


 

Not necessary at all

Comfort, less laundry, less expense. I have not worn any for over 20 years, And only part time for 20 or more before that. I wish I had started full time underwearless even sooner. However, It is always your choice to make. I made my choice, And will never go back!


 

I never wear panties

I’m 24 and ever since I left school I have not worn any panties under my skirts and dresses. It is much more comfortable being commando all the time.  I cannot think of a good reason to wear panties at any time.
Yes, there have been moments when people have been aware that I had no panties on, but that doesn’t bother me. There are more important things to worry about.


 

No Underwear for 28 years

My husband and I stopped wearing underwear altogether in 1991. At first it was scary. . . . . . Especially going braless to work.

But after a few weeks it just felt normal. There were some occasions in the first few months where I felt I needed to wear them, like doctor appointments and church functions, but I couldn’t wait to get out of them, and I felt like such a hypocrite.

My real friends know and don’t care, and I don’t care for fake friends.

I even convinced my sister and a couple friends to try it and they go sans most of the time.


 

Hell no we were not born with panties. We are monkeys who evolved

Do you find the monkey in a forest wearing underwear? Do you find it disgusting? Basically we are the same. Its just that our brains have evolved a bit that is all. In fact I stopped wearing panties when I was 21 and I feel really good about it. . It has saved me a few bucks and discomfort.