Q&A: How to respond when women tell me they squirt when I am not into squirting?

Q&A: How to respond when women tell me they squirt when I am not into squirting?

20 years ago, I wasn’t even aware of this. Never heard of it.  Obviously, it’s become a very popular thing in porn and real life.  I was in a relationship for the last two years. It’s over, and I’m single. Back in the saddle, meeting women again, and ALMOST ALL OF THEM TALK ABOUT SQUIRTING. They say they can squirt, they do squirt, etc. I’m not sure if it’s to turn me on, or just a fair warning. Both?

Okay. I’m an adult. I can deal with lots of things. I’m usually very good at talking things through.  But I don’t even know what to say. If a woman can squirt, and is telling me because she thinks I’m into it, it makes sense to just share that I’m not into it, right?  But if it’s somewhat involuntary, then saying I’m not into it might make her feel ashamed or unwanted.

Honestly, I don’t know what to say without making a thing out of it. Any helpful hints?

Venice’s response to women squirting

I have only squirted a few times in my life and they were totally involuntary.   So I do not really mention it to other women I am with because I’d have no control over it regardless.  If they know the secret pressure points, then they know exactly what they are getting into when they are doing their jedi mind tricks inside of me!

As far as other women telling me they squirt, I am not picky about these types of things and usually take a backseat to how Ryan feels.  I’d probably be shocked and flattered it if happened with a woman I was fingering or eating out.  This question is good though because I know Ryan has the same feelings towards squirting as you. 

We did have a woman tell us she squirted and was proud she could finally feel free about her body and let things happen naturally.  She openly said her previous relationships her men were closed minded about it.   Ryan pretty quickly said to her that he definitely wasn’t into that type of thing either, especially with someone new.    Probably not the best response, but sometimes being communicative can be harsh.  And he really isn’t into it.  

Luckily, due to our communication, we’ve managed to not have any “accidents.”   That may be because we didn’t excite them enough, or the penetrative part of sex wasn’t long or rough enough.  Admittedly in all our experiences with women we have never been big on penetration.  Usually we are more focused on oral sex, toys, and reaching orgasms without penetration.  Or, a lot of times women can control their squirting and tend to squirt when they know it excites their partner.   They may be feeling you out to see if you are into it, because if you are, they will wet your sheets up to turn you on.  If you are not, they will keep that trick on the backburner until you are ready.

Ryan’s response to women squirting

Firstly, remember our perspective is from a couple that opens our bedroom to other women.  I am not a single guy on the dating scene looking to find someone to hook up with.   But the new phenomenon of women who can squirt has been equally noticed.  With porn and even live cam chats having goals such as, “I will squirt at 100 tokens,” I assume women think this is something most men enjoy.   As Venice said, personally I am not big on squirting.  With her, of course I love it.  But that’s because she is my wife and someone I have been with for 25 years.  Nothing she does can gross me out.  But with someone new, that we are hanging out with, I’m definitely not into being squirted on.    

In your situation, I’d let the person know that squirting really isn’t my thing and if she can control it, try not to squirt.  I understand that this can be a total turn of or even offend a woman that can’t control it, but I am equally offended by being pissed on for fun when a woman can control it.  But don’t attack me yet!  I am not saying that all squirting is urine, but when a woman can control it and it’s something she does to spice things up, then most definitely I am saying that would be urine.  And with someone new to our bedroom, I am not into that.  Much like I can assume they would not want me to urinate on them for fun during oral sex.  Or urinate inside them during sex to turn my condom into a huge water balloon that randomly pops after it gets too full (although that possibly could feel great?!?).  

 

Study shows, Longer Penis Size Does Matter, especially to women that have vaginal orgasms through penetration

Study shows, Penis Size Does Matter, especially to women that have vaginal orgasms through penetration

Despite always hearing “size doesn’t matter,” this actually isn’t totally true.  It may be true to women who cannot achieve orgasms through penetration (between 70 percent to 90 percent of women are unable to achieve orgasm with penetration alone) but penis length and size does matter to the rest of us that do orgasm through penetration.

Studies find that women who have frequent vaginal orgasms are more than likely to have an orgasm easier if the man’s penis is longer.  For me specifically, it is the length that triggers my body’s orgasm during sex.  The bottom of the vagina, also known as the posterior fornix, has nerve endings that are not attached to the clitoris and give an entire different sensation sexually.  This is also known as the p-spot.  And although it’s common to hear it’s the width that matters, that isn’t true for me.   If it isn’t hitting the p-spot, it’s just stretching my walls and possibly ripping me.  And that never feels good.  And apparently, I am not alone, as women who tend to prefer penile-vaginal intercourse over other types of sex (oral) also say the same, researchers reported online in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.   

But other researchers were less convinced.

“There’s such variability in preference,” said Barry Komisaruk, who researches female sexual response at Rutgers University. Women who orgasm through vaginal stimulation may indeed prefer longer penises, Komisaruk told LiveScience, but not everyone prefers to orgasm that way. (10 Odd Facts About the Female Body)

There is no doubt about that!   For the first 20 years of my sexual life I could only orgasm through masturbation with my fingers on my clitoris, oral sex, or the use of a vibrator.   All purely clitoris orgasms.  It didn’t matter the width or length of the penis,  my body was unable to achieve orgasms through sex.   When that changed, and I became orgasmic through sex (various factors: age/sexual peak/comfort/and learning to pay attention to myself and stop making theatrics during sex a priority), I noticed that if my husband isn’t going all the way in, it is far less enjoyable.   Depending on positions, such as him laying sideways, there is not as much penetration as positions like doggy style or missionary with my legs up.  If his penis doesn’t hit the bottom and create that posterior fornix pressure, I cannot achieve an orgasm.  When his penis is totally erect and bottoms out, it can instantly trigger orgasms.   And most of the time it doesn’t stop until he orgasms or slows his pace and allows my body to recover.  This bottom area is where the p-spot is located and creates a sensation I can’t really explain.  For those women that have felt this, they know.  It’s almost indescribable. 

But let’s get back to these studies. 

There is still scientific debate about whether vaginal and clitoral orgasms are different phenomena. Different nerves carry signals from the vagina and from the clitoris, Komisaruk said, and stimulation of each activates different brain regions. But some researchers argue that vaginal stimulation is simply activating a different, internal, section of the clitoris. Women report different sensations from vaginal and clitoral orgasms, Komisaruk said, but which one women prefer largely comes down to personal preference.

In some cases, female orgasm is even more complex. For example, Beverly Whipple, professor emerita at Rutgers University and one of the discoverers of the G spot, a sensitive area felt through the front wall of the vagina, has found that women with complete spinal cord injuries can sometimes experience orgasm, even though the nerves that carry sensation up the spinal cord from the pelvis have been severed. It’s likely that the sensory vagus nerve, which runs in the abdomen but bypasses the spinal cord, is recruited to carry signals to the brain in these cases, Whipple told LiveScience.

That’s actually pretty interesting.  Being that a longer penis can push around the abdomen area much easier than a short penis, it would explain why depth matters!  And it also explains why other research has found that abdominal exercises induce orgasms in some women, resulting in pleasurable spasms at the gym.   

Some researchers holds a different view, pointing to studies finding that the ability to orgasm with vaginal stimulation alone is correlated with better psychological functioning, better relationship quality and greater sexual satisfaction.

“Earlier research with a large representative sample also found that women who are made aware in their youth that the vagina is a source of women’s orgasm are more likely to develop the capacity for vaginal orgasm. Therefore, those who deny these findings (and insist on maintaining the politically correct party line) are not doing women a favor, but might be injuring women’s health and sexual potential.”

Length isn’t the only variable with orgasms during sex, that’s for sure.  As I stated earlier, I was unable to achieve orgasms sexually, regardless of length.  It wasn’t until my 40s I was truly able to enjoy orgasms through sex alone and there were a lot of mental factors that played a part in it.   But once all those mental factors are sorted out, size does matter!

Q & A: My Husband (almost 5 inches in penis size) offered to wear a big strap on to see if I could orgasm. Should I?

Q & A: My Husband (almost 5 inches in penis size) offered to wear a big strap on to see if I could orgasm. Should I?

I’ve never cum from PIV sex with my husband but I cum easily with my magic wand.  My husband also has difficultly cumming in me from PIV sex because I feel loose to him.  So we usually just skip PIV sex and mutually masturbate.

My husband knows he’s small and it bothers him. A few months ago he asked me if I ever cum from PIV sex with other men before we were married and I told he truth that I had. One guy I dated who was about 7” would hit a spot that would make me cum almost every time he fucked me.

My husband told me he was sorry he couldn’t make me cum like that and I explained that I cum harder from my vibrator than I ever have from PIV sex and that there’s more to a relationship than just sex, but I can tell it still bothers him.

So a few weeks ago, out of the blue, he tells me that he sometimes fantasizes about having a big dick and watching it going in an out of me and asks me if I would let him fuck me with a big strap on so he can experience what it would be like to fuck me with a big dick.

The thought of being fucked with a big dick does turn me on, but I’m worried how my husband would react if I cum from him fucking me with a big strap on. Would that make him more insecure about his small cock or will it make him feel better knowing he can make me cum by fucking me?

Venice’s response to big strap on?

I believe you should look into penis sleeves.   This sleeve actually fits over your husband’s penis like a thick condom and will make his length and girth much larger.  Personally, I think you should do anything in the bedroom that can make your sex lives better.   Dildos, toys, sleeves, and even other people!   If it is something he is open to try, try it.  If it makes you cum, awesome!   Just because it’s a sleeve does not mean your husband should feel insecure.  Since you are already self-conscious about the idea that the sleeve may make him feel inadequate, prepare him mentally.   Make sure he understands that its him making you cum, not just the sleeve.  The feeling of the sleeve, plus the comfort you feel with him, being in love, and wanting to enjoy him.  It’s not just pure size giving you that orgasm, it’s him and the size.  You love him, so even if that isn’t true, it doesn’t hurt to emphasize it’s not just the size.    

Personally, when I tried to go larger, I hated it.  Maybe it didn’t feel natural, or it just poked me too far in the back, but I just didn’t enjoy it.  After a few minutes I asked him to please remove it.  For the record, I also do not enjoy penetrative dildos and things of that sort.  I do enjoy vibrating toys, but just on my clitoris area.  

Ryan’s response to big strap on?

No matter a man’s size, some of us go through this phase.  I did.  It wouldn’t matter if I was almost 5 inches or 9 inches, the idea of your penis being bigger and seeing your woman take a larger size is a turn on.  Porn and various photos that float around on social media show huge 12 inch men.   We see some women swoon over it.  So why wouldn’t any size man want to add a few more inches in girth and length and see what it would be like?  Penis sleeves allow this type of experience, so why not?  I say go for it.

Although my experience wasn’t a super sexy experience, it was still an experience.  I saw my wife in pain, I felt her put her hands on my hips and crawl away from me.  It was everything that you never see in porn.  A big ass dick that doesn’t really fit comfortably inside a woman, causing pain.  If it was real, maybe she would put up with all the pain and things that go with being that hung, but with a fake sleeve?  She asked me to please stop and I did.  We haven’t tried it since.  In fact, she was turned off to the idea of anything other than a real penis inside her body.   It just wasn’t her thing.

From not having orgasms as a teenage girl, to guaranteed orgasms as a woman.

Female Orgasm - Jada KaiFrom not having orgasms as a teenage girl, to guaranteed orgasms as a woman.

I can remember telling my husband when I first met him that I could not have orgasms.  I had played with shower heads, combs, and my fingers, but other than relaxing me, I wasn’t orgasmic.   The good thing is, I was naturally passive so I got a lot of pleasure from making him orgasm.  Although sex felt good, it wasn’t something I believe I could cum from.   Shortest blog ever?   End of story?

Well, I guess the story could end there if girls didn’t have stubborn men with egos and high sex drives.  Me not being able to achieve an orgasm was not something my future husband accepted.  After realizing oral sex was nothing like a shower head, a comb, or my fingers, orgasms was definitely something I could achieve.  However, it took my husband hours at a time staying down on me, not moving his head or body, no noise in the room (neighbors talking too loud next door or a dog barking could throw me off), and me laying as still as possible until I exploded.   The good news?  I was orgasmic!   The bad news?  It was probably very boring!  In fact, I have learned now being bisexual and really into women, most women cannot make me cum for this exact reason.  Truthfully, most of them do everything perfect.  The licking, sucking, and sometimes dig their tongues deep inside me.  But unlike porn, just because you do everything right, doesn’t mean I’m going to cum in minutes.  I’m definitely not.  In fact, I have only came once with another woman.   Although I never explained to her what I needed, she stayed down on me for well over an hour and was probably bored out of her mind!  But she did it!

Enter sex toys.

guaranteed orgasmPrior to sex toys my sex life consisted of my husband going down on me for probably an average of 45 minutes to an hour.   After I orgasmed, he would then have sex with me for his own orgasm.   We both knew I couldn’t cum through sex, so we just took turns.  And then one day we walked into a local sex shop and my life changed.  From toys that vibrate and suck on your clit, like the Satisfyer pro 2, to wands that make me convulse and twitch in seconds.

I remember coming home from the sex shop on that first night and holding a vibrator up to my clit while I was being fucked.  I came 9 times in about 10 minutes.    No longer was I not orgasmic through sex, I was now multi-orgasmic.  In fact, I’d say sex toys taught me how to relax my mind during sex and rather than needing my husband have to be a statue that didn’t move anything but his tongue, I trusted in the process.  This relaxation of the mind led me to be orgasmic through sex, without any extra toys and tools!

So I am a believer in finding a good sex toy to slowly teach yourself to relax.  It takes all the pressure off having an orgasm and tends to let things happen naturally (and quickly).  

Now, just because you have learned to make us orgasm, try not to ruin them once you’ve hit the promise land!

 

Q & A: What Are Some Creative Ways To Please My Wife Sexually?

boring sexQ & A: What Are Some Creative Ways To Please My Wife Sexually?

While checking my search history I found a reddit post from what appears to be my wife unhappy with our sex life  In searching around for things to spice up my marriage or find extreme things to try I happen to find your blog.   Although it is not my normal routine to email a sex blog, I figured why not.   Is there anything you can suggest for me to try with my wife in the bedroom, that isn’t too extreme, but not  boring?  Also, a bit embarrassing, I tend to orgasm quickly when we do have sex.  This is partially the reason that I have slowed down my sex life because it makes me feel insecure.  I guess I’d rather give her no sex rather than quick sex because I can’t control my ejaculation.   I know I just hit you with a load there, but any advice is appreciated.

Venice’s response  to please my wife sexually:

I actually laughed out loud reading “I just hit you with a load there…”  Oh boy.  You couldn’t even make it through the email without losing your load huh?

I’m joking!

There are so many things you can do to add an adventure to your bedroom.  Or how about, you journey outside your bedroom?  Nothing can make you feel more free during sex than walking on a beach and making out in the sand.   Or finding a nice private spot and having sex in your car.  It gets the adrenalin going and can be extremely fun.  

You can also try sex toys.  A vibrator or wand in the bedroom can be really fun.  It can also help with your premature ejaculation issue!  I will explain and demonstrate how.  Rather than getting on top of her and going full speed, lay to the side of her.  This sideways position will keep you from going too fast.   While sideways, let her use a vibrator or a wand on her body.  It will be easy for her to play with her clit while you lay to the side.  I believe that you will learn something new about your wife while she uses a wand.  She’s cums fast too!  Because the wand is no joke.  I have probably had an orgasm in 30 seconds while using a wand in this p0sition. 

So did I handle your load well?!  

Ryan’s response  to please my wife sexually:

One of the ways I would suggest is trying a hollow strap on!  Whether you are large, average, or small, this adds a whole new element to the bedroom.  If you are into role play, you can even talk to her about the idea of pretending to be someone else.  To add to the spice, suggest her wearing a blindfold so she can’t see you.  Her mind and imagination can be your greatest asset in the bedroom.  Slide on the hollow strap on, make sure she is lubricated properly, and give her a whole new sensation.  This may drive her wild.  It also can totally help with your premature ejaculation issue, as  you will have a lot less sensation while using this toy.

Disclaimer:  I have tried this with Venice and she eventually had to stop me.  The stretch was so intense that she just couldn’t handle it.  However, the sore feeling she felt for days afterwards kept her wet and horny.  She loved feeling like she had been totally fucked and stretched out.  

To be honest, it’s hard suggesting to another couple what is or isn’t boring in the bedroom. This is totally subjective.  I mean, I can think of 100s of things that can make your sex life much less boring, but those things may all be too extreme for you, or her.  My advice is to talk with her, find out the things she wants to try, ask her about her fantasies, and see if you can find ways to make her those things come true.  If you haven’t tried sex toys, ask her if she would like to try.  Really, as always, it comes down to communication.  She is asking her questions on reddit, you are asking your question on a sex blog.  You both need to sit down and ask each other these questions!