On various Fridays we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website. Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.
Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms. Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.
10. could sperm increase the ass
Nessa: My ass would be extremely increased.
Ryan: You do have a nice jungle booty for an Asian girl.
Nessa: So sperm gives you that ghetto booty huh? Oh black women, you’re dark dirty secret is out.
Ryan: That was racist. Ghetto booty and dark dirty huh?
Nessa: I blame Sir Mix-a-Lot and Lil Kim.
9. how to cum inside a womans ass
Ryan: Do you need a tutorial for this seriously?
Nessa: I still get surprised by some of these search terms, especially the ones asking for instructions.
Ryan: Not to let the guy down, I’ll make it simple. Insert your penis into a woman’s ass, then move back and forth until the friction makes your penis ejaculate. Here is the tricky part, do not pull your penis out and shoot semen in your own face.
Nessa: That’s the key here guys. I’ve noticed a lot of you fellas end up splurging on your own faces. Leave your penis inside of her anus please.
Ryan: Exactly. Then release.
Nessa: Then wash.
Ryan: Then wash again.
Nessa: I’m a bit scared that us clarifying that they need to leave their penis inside of the woman’s anus while they ejaculate may confuse them. We emphasized staying inside them so much that they may not understand that it is safe to remove their penises after they ejaculate. I feel our instructions are a bit incomplete.
Ryan: Well I didn’t tell them to remove their clothing prior to putting their penises inside of a woman’s anus. What if they do all this with clothing on?
Nessa: This worries me Ryan.
Ryan: Would you like me to add a step prior to washing?
Nessa: Please Ryan, for the sake of the readers who need these tutorials.
Ryan: First of all, before putting your penis inside of a woman’s ass, please find a willing woman and make sure you both remove all of your clothing. This is an important step.
Nessa: Very important.
Ryan: Okay, now after reading the steps above, please add these next steps prior to “Then wash.” Once you release your semen, please make sure your penis is completely finished ejaculating. After ejaculation, slowly remove your penis but do not look at it. You may regret what you see. Walk to the shower and place your penis under lukewarm water. Do not place the penis under the water until it warms as the cold water may cause pain. Grab a bar of soap and clean off your penis thoroughly.
Nessa: Then get a towel and dry off. Please put your clothing back on prior to going outside.
Ryan: I’m still a bit scared we missed something.
Nessa: I think we’ve confused whoever searched for this tutorial even more than he was prior to asking.
8. pouring cum into her ass
Ryan: Okay, ignore everything I said above and just pour semen in her ass like a glass of Kool-Aid.
Nessa: Ha! You think that was the same guy still trying to figure out the proper method to cum in a woman’s ass?
Ryan: Apparently so. I guess he figured pouring or funneling would be easiest.
7. hairy wagina porno
Nessa: Starring Elmer Fudd.
Ryan: Wascally Wabbit Wagina featuring Juggs Bunny and Bare Rabbit.
Nessa: …Or Who Banged Roger Rabbit featuring Thumper.
Ryan: Ha, they both sound like hits to me.
Nessa: I’d watch them.
6. cum eat gay baby
Nessa: Is this some sort of abortion or new Chinese technique to get rid of gay children? Eat them.
Ryan: Sounds disgusting.
Nessa: Well, I am sure Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce would help.
Ryan: Really Nessa?
Nessa: I’m just saying, I didn’t make up the damn search term. Truthfully, I bet Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce would make gay babies taste much less disgusting.
Ryan: Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce is delicious.
Nessa: You’re damn right it is.
5. have you ever sucked cock at a wedding
Nessa: I sucked yours after ours. Does that count?
Ryan: I’m not sure. Judges?
4. hubby sucking best man
Ryan: Ha! So I guess the previous search term was a set up?
Nessa: Well answer my question.
Ryan: My best man was my father, so the answer is NO Nessa.
3. is it wrong to cum on your wife if she said no
Ryan: Probably, but the good thing is she is your wife so you have access to her panty drawer and her toothbrush.
Nessa: Oh my God. Seriously Ryan?
Ryan: Seriously. I mean, if your says no to letting you cum on her you should just wipe your sperm on her clean panties or toothbrush. It’s our instinct to mark our territory.
Nessa: That’s disgusting!
Ryan: Well, use Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce as toothpaste.
Nessa: It is delicious, I admit.
2. my wyf loves oder mans cum
Nessa: Someone in the trailer park got a laptop for Christmas.
Ryan: I’m going with an underaged trailer park occupant.
Nessa: He has a wyf though.
Ryan: Like I said, I am going with an underaged trailer park occupant.
Nessa: Ha, that’s true. How could someone that spells that poorly even use Google?
Ryan: Hopefully he Googles contraceptive.
Nessa: Too late already… he ended up at our site.
Nessa: The guilt has set in. We just helped create more.
Ryan: You can’t blame yourself baby. If it wasn’t our site it would have been “A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind” or “Sex.com.” You saved your friends the guilt.
1. cumming in ass while on steroids
Ryan: I call that a real Hulk Smash!
Nessa: I call that “1 night in Chyna”
Ryan: Ha, yea that too.
Ryan: We have no affiliation with Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce. We were not paid to promote its delicious flavor. However, if you were to try and eat gay babies, I would highly suggest getting Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce. Or if you think your husband is urinating or ejaculating on your toothbrush because you did not allow him to cum on you, use Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce as toothpaste.
Ryan: You are not supposed to talk on my closing disclaimer.
Nessa: Oh it’s like some sort of legal thing?
Ryan: Yes. People will think we are selling Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ Sauce or promoting eating gay children with Sweet Baby Ray’s deliciousness.
Nessa: It is yummy. I bet it really could make a gay baby taste like a gourmet meal.
Ryan: Gay babies… mmmmmm. Real soul food.