Yesterday Ryan and I were in the kitchen making homemade soft tacos and guacamole. He was in charge of the meat and I cut up all the ingredients for the guacamole. We drank a little, we laughed, we spent time together as a couple and bonded over good food. It was a great day.
After we ate we both went to the bedroom to watch TV. We just got our new cable box set up and Ryan was excited about some of the new features. As he flipped through the channels he stopped on the first one without a commercial, A&E. The show playing was “Duck Dynasty.”
“You know,” he started. “When we watch a show, we can record it and rewind it live.”
“That’s neat,” I replied. “How do we do that?”
I saw the screen switch back and forth between the menu and the info screens. It seemed as if he figured it out as I saw a little red dot next to “Duck Dynasty.” Remembering my VCR days and recording Color Me Badd videos when I was a kid, the little red button meant you were recording something. For some reason, he couldn’t play it back.
“I don’t think it’s working,” he said. “Fuck this. I’m calling the cable company.”
He grabbed his phone and called them. It was after hours so he got a recording. How can I tell? All I heard him say was:
(a few seconds of silence)
(yet another pause)
“REPRESENTATIVE, REPRESENTATIVE! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, REPRESENTATIVE!”
“Ryan, I don’t think that’s one of the options!” I scream out in laughter!
“Stop! You only need to say it once!” I told him.
“REPRESENTATIVE, REPRESENTATIVE! REPRESENTATIVE, REPRESENTATIVE! REPRE– Yes, hello. I’m having problems with my cable.”
I assume the representative asked Ryan what kind of problems he was having.
“Well see, I have never owned a DVR before and I am trying to learn how to playback after it records. Like right now, I just recorded ‘Duck Dynasty’ and… well, wait. First, I want to make it clear I do not normally watch the show Duck Dynasty. Not that anything is wrong with it, but I just I don’t normally watch ‘Duck Dynasty’ because I do NOT like ‘Duck Dynasty’ …”
I laugh hysterically and he darts his eyes at me.
“Seriously, I don’t NOT like ‘Duck Dynasty’, especially enough to actually record it. It just happened to be on television when I tried to use the DVR function. Anyway, way off topic now. My DVR is having trouble and I can’t seem to play back the parts of ‘Duck Dynasty’ I was recording.”
Ryan listened for a few moments and seemed to be getting a bit frustrated, “No, I don’t want to rewatch the parts I missed, because I really don’t even like ‘Duck Dynasty’, I just wanted to see if my DVR worked?” He sat quiet again while he listened to the respresentatives suggestions and responded, “Listen, I do not care if they will play the same episode again in a few hours on the west coast channel, I seriously just want to see what is wrong with my DVR!”
I leave the room because I can’t contain my laughter. When I came back in the room about 10 minutes later I asked, “So how did it go Mr. Duck Dynasty’s Number 1 Fan?”
“The lady said I shouldn’t even have a DVR and the guy who installed the cable box didn’t write down one on the invoice.”
I laughed and asked, “So you lost your DVR huh?”
As he fiddled back and forth with the play and record button while still watching ‘Duck Dynasty,’ he replied, “I didn’t lose shit, I hung up.”