Attention all Virgins Looking To Have Sex For The First Time

Like A Virgin, Touched For The Very First Time

We found an interesting take on the idea of losing your virginity being “over hyped” and not a big deal.  Although this guide was written with the right idea in mind, the author seems to lose himself and accidentally makes virginity that much more of a big deal.   I mean, he wrote a whole essay about it!

Disclaimer:  It may seem like we are coming off toxic, but please know we are just being lighthearted and having fun with the article.  Our comments are meant to add a bit of entertainment value to the original guide, because… why not?

LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY ISN’T THAT BIG OF A  DEAL  A GUIDE TO LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY.

So, I’ve just turned 28 which means that I’m now enough of an old man to give life advice 🙂  I’ve been reading a bunch of people asking questions about the topic of losing their virginity lately and wanted to give my thoughts.

Losing your virginity is a big deal only if you never had sex

We’re conditioned by society (and maybe religion too) to think of our first time having sex as this huge milestone, like a watershed moment in becoming adults, or something like that. There are countless movies about boys and girls having sex for the first time (more on that later).

In retrospect, your first time having sex is no big deal. It will just be the first time of many more. Ten years later, you’ll consider that moment just the same as the first day of school as a kid. While you might remember well your first math class (and it might still haunt you), your memories from your schooling days will be primarily made of all the other experiences you’ve had during those years.

Your first time will be ‘ok’ at best

Forget the movies: your first time is very unlikely to be anything like that. Sex is dirty, messy, stinky, and in general quite gross, to be honest. You might end up being all sweaty (try showering together at the end). It likely won’t be as finely romantic as in that Hollywood movie.

In my first time, I remember being so nervous and excited at the same time, that I actually had a partial black out, and at the time I felt like I was “on autopilot” and my memories are confused (yet I was fully sober).

Venice:  Yea, it’s totally not a big deal guys.  I mean, you will get confused, literally black out from all the endorphins like you are high and drunk, and then write about it for years to come.  Not a big deal though.  lol.

Ryan:   And this is why men all over the world are excited, anxious, and can’t wait to lose their virginity.  They want to black out too!!  You can ride a roller coaster once and be so scared and excited that you black out. That’s a rush and a crazy experience.  Now if you ride roller coasters so much it loses all it’s luster, then yes, it’s easy to look back and say, “Riding a roller coaster isn’t a big deal.”  Nothing compares to the first time you rode a roller coaster, even if it was the old clunky wood one that didn’t do any loopty loops!  

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Q & A: I’m A Virgin and Depressed, Should I Hire An Escort?!

escortsHey guys, from Australia here. First off, where I am from escorts are totally legal and regulated.  I figured I would at least get that part out of the way to save the legality part of this question.  Okay, now on to my dilemma.

I am in college, a senior and I am still a virgin at 22 years old. It’s Ironic too because I dress decent, have a good group of friends, and I work out everyday.   However I have always believed my face is ugly.  My mom has tried to diagnose me with body dysmorphia, but I think that’s what all mothers do. I’ve overheard plenty of girls whispering that I am unattractive.  The few girls I have asked out have responded in what I took as disgust.  I can’t help or fix my face, so I am going to be ugly forever.  I have felt this way for as long as I can remember and as a result I have never achieved any form of confidence in my life. It really sucks walking around campus with people, and you are just thinking the whole time about how you don’t measure up to anyone else in terms of looks and confidence.  I do have a pretty good job for a college student and also play in a band on the side.  I don’t think I am lacking in extra curricular activities or depressed because of anything other than feeling like no girl will ever really want me.

The past few months I have become even more depressed because It seems that I work so hard to feel good but still feel like shit.  I hate not having confidence because of my v card and facial unattractiveness, which then perpetuates the cycle of not being able to get women because I am insecure. I feel like when I am talking with a girl, all I can think about is how I suck and how there are so many better guys out there that she could easily get. This then oozes out of me in minor ways which women sniff out in an instant. Sometimes I do feel confident because my day is going well, but I find most of the time it sucks.

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The Web – How I Lost My Virginity – Tinder Adventures

Editor’s note:  This blog has no educational value at all and is just another wild true story from the internet.  Read at your own risk.

Well as promised on another thread I will tell you guys about my sexual conquests on the app tinder.

First a little backstory: I was super fat in high-school, but a very funny nice guy. Girls didn’t come easy but I managed to snag a few to date and screw around with. Nothing to brag about though. Well college comes around (I am now in great shape,and good looking) and the one I go to (which I won’t name) is very conservative and for the most part the 18-25 year old girls there are married or dating in serious relationships. Plus I’m doing Mathematical Physics as a major so I don’t have a lot of time for our bullshit Christian frats or lame activities on campus. Trust me they suck.  So with no pussy and nowhere to turn I try my hand at the app tinder.

What is Tinder?: So to keep it simple tinder is a dating app where you can only see matches that think you’re hot. Now there are some sweet girls on here that are legitimately looking for relationships (haha) and some who are looking for cock. 

Well enough of this horse-shit. On to some pics and stories. A blue can message me and I’ll send them pics so don’t start DV me because they are slow. Get ready to fap,

YpDZX4iMarissa the Female Axe Whale: About 2 days after downloading Tinder, I had pretty much forgotten about it. I was busy with school and stuff. Well, I decided to check it out again. I got a surprising amount of girls add me on there. Well one messaged me right as I added her. This girl is brunette about 5’1 decent looking (6/10). I bullshit for a second and finally ask her if she wants to go get some pizza and watch the Jones vs. Texeira fight. She agrees excitedly, we exchange numbers seems cool. 

Well, fast forward to the Saturday, we meet for pizza and MMA, and to say the least I was shocked at the whale that stepped out of the car. Now let me say this when I saw her, I immediately began to examine everything I was looking at. From the ashtray full of cigarettes, the the bong in the passengers seat, to the child’s car seat in the back of the 1997 beat to shit Altima, this girl was clearly a classy broad. She got in my car (we met at the local cinema) and I began to cough at the smell of AXE for women and Camel Crush cigarettes. As she begins to tell me about how much of a fuck up her ex boyfriend/baby-daddy was to her on the way to meet me I politely tell her that I was not aware she had a child.

The fuck count in our conversation is probably in the upper 50’s. Being the conservative college student I am, I was freaking the actual fuck out at my situation. She begins to tell me how a lot of guys don’t like to date her because she has a kid (that isn’t the reason), and that she is looking for someone special, she isn’t easy girl bullshit. After we watch the fights, where she was surprisingly fun company to have there, she asks to go sit and talk. In the middle of our conversation about her dead father (not shitting you) she grabs me and begins to stick her tongue down my throat. Well given the current information about the girl I am going to give you three choices about what happened. A.(I threw up) B.(I freaked out and told her I had to go) C.(got a feel of those tits and went to town).

C you sick fucks. Yes I began to suck the amazingly soft tits of the Axe for women whale that sat beside me. As she begged me for my cock, I thought “Fuck it” and bent her over to get in that ass. Now, as I bent her over (we were in my car in the parking lot of the cracker barrel next to the pizza place) I begin to think what the hell am I doing??? Once again fuck it.. I started eating that ass in the back seat of my car. After about 5 mins of that I begin to come to my senses and witnessed the worst pussy smell I have ever experienced. Still haunts me.. But alas I stuck my bare cock into the incredibly easy stick pudding infront of me. Losing my virginity in the process.

Well after that fuck session in the back of my new F150. I head home light headed and seriously stinking. The next morning I have about 9 missed texts from this girl telling me that I have the best cock she has ever felt and how she feels there is something special with me. This is when I knew that as an attractive, smart, male I could try to nail an average girl at my school who thinks I should have to earn the right to get her number, or go on Tinder and get my dick wet a few times a month. So I make plans with female AXE girl to go to her place and “watch a movie” the next weekend. Fast forward to then. I get to her house and she is on the porch smoking cigarettes like it is her fucking job. After that horrible experience breathing in that second hand smoke, we start watching some girl movie I don’t remember the one, and she starts grabbing my cock. We proceed to the bedroom if you can call it that. You know what guys, time out, that place was a shit-hole how the fuck can a woman raise a child in a place like that.. wtf. Anyway, she tells me she wants me to fuck her asshole, so of course I did. It was okay, tighter than her loose pussy at-least. After we got done banging she fell asleep while I watched SpaceBalls on the tv. About 1:30 AM I hear “MAMA MAMA MAMA”. And she shoots up and says, “fuck he’s awake” and she fucking brought the kid to bed with us. The bed remember where I anally fucked his mother about an hour earlier. Panicking, I text messaged my friend told him the situation and got him to call me about 15 minutes later saying he had car trouble and needed my help. When he did the girl starts crying saying she feels like she may love me and wants me to stay. I apologize and take my leave. Immediately blocked her number and have not talked to her since. Good times… 

Well that concludes the tale of Marissa the Female Axe Whale.