Q&A: Broken Promises, Sleep instead of Sex, What Can I Do?

Broken promises, sleep instead of sex, what can I do?

I understand that sometimes she might just not be feeling it, that’s fine. What frustrates me is when she tells me we will do something and then it doesn’t happen. If she hadn’t said anything, I wouldn’t have been expecting anything in the first place. This is something she does at least a couple times a month, I think she thinks it’s something I want to hear. sleep instead of sex

Yesterday I proposed to her and we had an awesome date after. There was a lot of drinking and eating involved, so when we got home we were both maybe not feeling the sexiest, despite the amazing day. I was fine with relaxing for a while and going to sleep, but she turned to me and said “I’m going to take a one hour nap and let me stomach rest, but then you better be ready”. Sure enough a one hour nap turned into sleep, and now it’s morning and she still isn’t up. I need her to stop doing this, because while her intentions might be good, it makes me expect things and fucks with me.

Venice’s response to sleep instead of sex:

Let her know how you feel.  Sometimes a woman is horny and gets caught up in the moment.  I have been a bit tipsy to where all I can think about is fucking Ryan.  I grab him, stroke him through his pants, rub his body, and whisper to him how much I want to fuck him.  And then I drink a bit more and all that changes because I get tired as hell.  Communicate with her about her drinking too much, or about not offering you sex if she isn’t going to follow through.  Maybe find a place for a quickie when she is in the perfect mood and all over you.  I can see how her falling asleep would be extremely frustrating.  I think she will understand as well.   

Going to sleep instead of having sex?  Well, have sex in your sleep!

Going to sleep instead of having sex?  Well, have sex in your sleep!  This is why I always sleep nude!  I know we are taught that this is bad and scary, but if its two adults and both find it sexy, try it!  I find it kinky to be taken advantage of, even when I am sleeping.  For us, this works.  I trust Ryan with my life and know he takes care of me at all times.  This comfort and trust allows me to open up to him and enjoy something maybe most women never get to enjoy.  Sometimes Ryan could be rubbing me or moving his penis in and out of me slowly while we lay in a spoon position.  I may fall asleep and wake up with my whole crotch wet and sticky.  This really turns me on.  Chance are, I will either sit on his face and make him clean me up that morning, or fuck his brains out to make up for lost time. 

Ryan’s response to sleep instead of sex:

As always, the answer is communication.  Talk to your girl and let her know that you feel her intentions are good, but when she promises sex and doesn’t make good on her promises, it does more bad than good.  In our relationship, we have an open door policy (pun).  If Venice falls asleep when I am turned on and erect, I can grab some coconut oil and gently slide my dick inside her.  There have been times after a few drinks she doesn’t completely wake up.  It sounds weird, but with two consenting (consent through communication and having relationship rules) adults, this is an amazing experience.  I always move slow as to not startle her.  Sometimes I fall asleep inside her before I finish, and sometimes I finish and we both just lay dripping wet through the night.  I’ve woken up before with my penis “water logged’, shriveled and wrinkled because it rested inside her body all night.  She doesn’t mind, she loves waking up sticky and dripping, and it turns her on to know I enjoyed her body without her having any memory of it.  It’s kind of a sexy mind fuck the following day for her.  This doesn’t happen often, but it does prevent broken promises.   And of course it works both ways.  If she reaches over and feels me sleeping and erect, she can hop on me at any time and use my body for her pleasure.  I don’t think I have ever not woken up from her getting on top of me, but there has been many times when I will jump from a weird tickle feeling or have a dream that I am peeing myself, and when I wake up, Venice’s face in my lap, mouth around my penis, as she lays sideways masturbating herself.   This may be advanced for your situation, but an open door policy is a fun and exciting way to keep from having your night ruined.  If you trust each other, love each other, and know either of you wouldn’t hurt the other, this is a great way to solve falling asleep instead of having sex.  

The Mysterious Case of Couches That Eat People

coucheatsI’ve recently learned that two of my friends, let’s call them Crystal and Milhouse, have unexplained external knee injuries, which they are calling “war wounds.”   I, being the concerned friend that I am, am worried about this situation.  The only real evidence I have gathered is that Crystal and Milhouse were together at the time of these injuries and they were both caused by two separate couches.  I know this may seem vague and sketchy to most of our readers, but I, being a pretend forensic scientist, think I have puzzled together this mystery.   Gathering as much evidence as I could, below I will describe what I think happened the night Crystal and Milhouse ended up with knee injuries (which both look somewhat like rug burn).

It was a dark, rainy night and Crystal was outside sitting in her car with a flat tire and no cell phone reception.  As she put her head on her steering wheel trying to figure out her next move, she sees a house with a dimly lit window in the distance.  Although she is wearing a thick coat, she decides taking it off would make more sense, because the rain water will make it much too heavy.  Unfortunately for her, she wasn’t wearing a bra and her white undershirt was skimpy with the words, “Yes, These Babies Are Real” on the front, and  “YOLO” on the back.  She knew she had no choice, so she removed her jacket.   Quickly she jumped out of the car and ran as fast as she could to the house with the dimly lit window.  The ground is extremely slippery and Crystal loses her footing and falls knee first to the ground, sliding about five feet.  As she slides, her thick pants slide off her waist.  She gets up, pants down around her knees and nipples poking through her soaked wet shirt. She rubs her knees.  Checking herself for injury, thankfully the pockets of her jeans had slid down to her knee area almost creating a knee pad-like protection.  Not a mark.

Her pants, however, were ruined.  The button was bent and the hip area now had holes.  Crystal thought quickly and knew she couldn’t run around holding up her pants, so she wisely removed them and headed to the house with the dimly lit window.   Soaking wet, with a see through white shirt that says “Yes, These Babies Are Real”, the back, “YOLO”, and Mickey Mouse panties, she makes it to the front patio.  She knocks on the door and a man holding a light saber in one hand and a Canon camera around his neck answers.   He looks Crystal up and down and introduces himself as Milhouse. Crystal, soaking wet explains that she has a flat tire and no cell phone reception.  Milhouse understands and invites her in.

As she walks in the living room she notices a few couches, one by the fireplace, the other near the window.  Milhouse asks if she wants to build a couch fort, but Crystal declines.   She says she just needs to use the phone.  Milhouse grabs the phone and tries to hand it to Crystal.  However, his light saber accidentally cuts off her white shirt that says, “Yes, These Babies Are Real” with “YOLO” on the back.  He apologizes profusely and offers to leave the room so she can make the call.  She nods and Milhouse turns around to exit the room.  However, his foot got tangled in the phone cord and he spins out of control.  In fact, he spun so hard his pants and shirt flew off.  He hits the floor hard, knees first.   Thankfully his underwear slid down just low enough to cover his upper thighs and knees so he didn’t hurt himself.  Now nearly nude, Milhouse excuses himself from the room.  Crystal calls her husband and explains to him the situation.  While she is on the phone, she notices the couch begins to rumble and move.  Frightened, she pulls off her panties and throws it at the couch.  The couch gobbles them up.  She screams and hangs up the phone.  Milhouse runs into the room and asks what’s wrong.  Before he can get an answer, he sees his couches, both of them, alive, possessed.  He yells for Crystal to get out as he himself charges the couches.   Milhouse dives, jumping on the couch like it was a live alligator.  Wrestling with the first couch, he stabs it with his light saber, tearing the cushions into shreds.  The second couch is chasing Crystal, who is now totally nude.   She screams and falls to the floor for no reason before she can get to the door.  Milhouse turns around and throws his camera at the couch, but misses and hits Crystal on her chest, more than likely leaving a bruise.  He hops off the first possessed couch that he just killed and runs to the second.  He takes off his underwear and tries to strangle the second couch, but it throws him across the room.  Millhouse lands onto a wooden chest, which pops opens causing dildos and pussy pumps to fly across the floor.  He gets up dizzy, also nude, and tries to grab Crystal.  Both of them, struggling, crawl to the doorway, hoping to escape.   The couch grabs them, both of their feet are now stuck in the cushions.  They scream, their knees scrape against the floor, now bleeding, pulling with their hands to get away.  Crystal kicks as hard as she can and the couch shrieks in pain letting them go.  They both get up and make it outside safe.  Nude, yes, but safe, with nothing but a war wound on their knees.

In my humble, forensic scientist opinion, this is probably how these “war wounds” occurred.

However, there are other options, such as they had sex and got couch burns/rug burns.  But I’d say that is a bit too far-fetched.

If anyone else can help with any sort of explanation, please feel free to reply.