Celebrity Sex Tape Reviews: Kim Kardashian and Ray J

KimandRayThe tape that made Kim Kardashian famous and the only thing we will ever remember what’s his name for.

In February 2007, a pornographic home video with The Sinbad Show child actor, Ray J, made with former girlfriend Kim Kardashian in 2003 was made public. Kardashian sued Vivid Entertainment for ownership of the tape. In late April 2007, Kardashian dropped the suit and settled with Vivid Entertainment for $5 million.

Ray J mysteriously ended up with 5 new cars and a mansion yet had nothing to do with selling the tape to Vivid to begin with.   It must have been all that big UPN money he made with his sister Brandy on Moesha.  I also think Ray J did some sort of music once, but most of us remember him from his role as the foster son in The Sinbad Show, and everyone knows he got that Sinbad money.  Our point?  Ray J, you may have “Hit It First” — after a long line of guys that hit it before you that weren’t getting that sister’s coattail money, but that’s your legacy.   Let’s see how much we can mentally erase you from each scene as we try to watch Kanye West’s baby momma, Kim Kardashian, get busy.

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Celebrity Sex Tape: Our Thoughts and Reviews

untitled2Two things that pique our most primal instincts: watching people fuck or fight.  Let’s cut to the chase – people enjoy celebrity sex tapes because they are watching celebrities fuck.   It’s a small window of opportunity to look inside the lives of famous people and see how they do the dirty deed.  Most of the time, our minds build these people up into super humans; famous and able to do things we can only imagine.  However, seeing them fuck brings them right back down to earth.  We love that. Money and fame can’t make a celebrity’s sex life any better than Mary Joe and Billy Bob in the trailer park.  Money didn’t make his dick big, didn’t make his female partner fly around the bed room and land on his cock after 8 flips and a somersault, and it didn’t make his orgasm any different from our own.  Good sex is all about attitude, keeping your ego in check, and letting someone totally consume you (something celebrities have a very hard time with), and being open and comfortable with your partner.

If you’ve watched a sex tape, ask yourself why.  Did you wonder what a person who has money and fame fucks like?   Oh, Ms. Everything is so gorgeous and a great actor, I wonder how well she fucks and sucks dick?  I wonder how she grooms her vagina?   How do her nipples look?  I wonder if her partner is huge?   How big is his dick?  In fact, these questions will be our official categories when rating videos.

Below I have listed each category with a short description of the criteria for each:

Categories:

Quality:  Can you even see what is going on?  Most real sex tapes do not have the best quality (see our stuff), so we will rate each videos quality.  This opinion will be based solely of the quality of the footage, not the content.

Entertainment Value:   Is the video even worth the attention it gets?  Does this sex tape include real home video footage, paid actors with fake “home” footage, wrestling midget clowns, corny dialogue, or just straight sex footage.   This category speaks for itself.  Entertainment value.

Star Factor:  Can this video turn a C-rated celebrity into a superstar?   Does the video live up to the hype behind the name?  We’ll decide.

Skill: Does he/she fuck good?  Of course this is all based on our opinions, but we will judge the skill level of these celebs.  Does he fuck good, does she suck dick amazing, or do they just flat out stink in the sack?

The Woman:  This category will be based off the quality of the woman/women, including her hair, her breasts, her ass, her vagina grooming habits, and yes, probably even her nails.

The Man: Everyone likes to see what a man is working with, including other men.   In other words, is his dick big?   If the man is a celeb or not, we will let you know our opinions of what sized tools are being used in each sex tape.

Sexual Value:  This is a bit different from entertainment value, simply because I can be entertained, but not wet.  During the videos, Ryan and I will sit next to each other and I will fondle him, rub his balls, and watch with an open mind.  I assume he will be doing the same.   Does it give Ryan an erection?     Does it make me want to suck his dick?  We will watch the videos together and if we fuck during or immediately after, the videos will be given a high sex value.    I assume, famous or not, if the sex is good and they both seem into it, it will turn us both on.   If the sex is medicore, we will let you know.

Our Format:
Quality:
Entertainment Value:
Star Factor:
Skill Level:
The Woman:
The Man:
Sexual Value:
Summary and Conclusion:

In all fairness, we have certainly had our own stuff criticized, reviewed, hated, loved, insulted, complimented, judged, and so on. With over a half million views on our “sex tapes,”,we understand that nothing can please everyone.  Some people think a dick is big, some people think a dick is small.  Some people think a woman acting timid and sucking dick slow is amazing, some people think that is lame as hell.  Opinions are just that, opinions.  Our reviews are meant to entertain those that come to our site and read our blogs, moreso than truly judge a sex tape.  If you were really interested in a sex tape, I assume you’d find it yourself rather than come here to read our opinions about it.

MTV Teen Mom Star, Farrah Abraham releases sex tape

From MTV’s Teen Mom to Backdoor Squirting Milf Porn Star.  Farrah Abraham released her sex tape today via Vivid, the same company that released Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee (Pam and Tommy), Jimi Hendrix, Kim Kardashian, WWE Diva Chyna, and a number of other B / C / D level celebs that can only get your attention by fucking each other’s brains out on camera…

… the same way we do!

I’m not mad at you Farrah, sex is beautiful, and doing it the way you do it is even better.   Co-star / porn actor James Deen has openly said that recording this video was just another day in the office for him.  Any claims of this being a “private” sex tape is false, as it was purposely recorded in home video fashion to create more interest.   Her partner in the video is a known porn star.  Farrah, no need to pretend it’s a home video, just tell everyone you take it in the ass and squirt all over the room, that’s all the buzz you need.

Farrah Abraham just went from the most annoying reality star / teen mom on earth, to now just a somewhat slightly annoying milf.  Her new large breasts and open-attitude towards anal sex definitely puts her a lot higher in my book.  Although her oral skills need work,  her anal and squirting techniques will make even the most uptight executive at Viacom proud.  Good find MTV!  Your casting director and talent scouts need raises for sure.

Vivid’s synopsis:

“From Iowa cheerleader to MTV Teen Mom star, midwest beauty Farrah Abraham breaks free with her most daring video ever, Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom. Made originally as a personal ‘boudoir’ tape, Farrah decided to release the video to her fans due to overwhelming response once news of the tape became public for download. Shockingly explicit, she takes James Deen as you’d never imagine, in a backdoor scene you’ll never forget. With her tight young body and totally uninhibited sexuality, it’s no wonder why she wanted to capture this moment in time. And now you can too!” 

If you’re internet savvy, check the bay for the full release.