The Vagina Dialogues – The Vagina Canteen

Previous Vagina Facts

vagina dialoguesWe have now changed the name of this blog segment to “The Vagina Dialogues.”  Why did we switch from “Fun Facts About The Vagina” to “The Vagina Dialogues”?  No real reason. We personally liked the name better and since Venice and I talk throughout the facts we felt it was a better fit.  And yes, I am back.  Since the last Vagina Dialogue I hosted seemed to do very well, Venice asked me to host another.

I am excited to share a few facts about the vagina, especially since I have mastered it.  I’ve researched and can safely say these facts are exclusive to our blog.

31. The Origin of the Rubber Band

A little known fact about the elasticity of the vagina.  The original rubber band was made with the same material that comprises a woman’s labias.  In 1839, Charles Goodyear developed vulcanization which is used to make rubber today.  However, in 1838, English Merchants traded with various African tribes and ended up with an elastic material that helped create the first rubber band.  It was later discovered the material originated from Female Genital Mutilation (FGM).  Although Charles Goodyear is credited with vulcanization, the rubber band itself was originally patented in England on March 17, 1845 by Stephen Perry.

Venice: Oh my gosh.
Ryan: Yea, pretty neat.  I think it’s cool the vagina basically created the rubber band.
Venice: I guess so but that is still a pretty sick  fact.
Ryan: Makes me want to eat rubber bands.
Venice: Ugh.

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Facts About The Vagina ‘Dialogues’ – Orgasms While She Sleeps

Previous Vagina Facts

vagina factsSo, Venice decided to let me host part 3 of our Fun Facts About The Vagina blog series.  I will make her proud. Obviously, since I am responsible for posting part 3, it’s a day late. That’s okay though. First, I will say a few things I know about vaginas from personal experience.  I am pretty certain my own fun facts will blow this entire list out of the water.   Okay, well first, vaginas are very wet and feel great.   Also they are delicious.  Also, vaginas are like super neat and if I could turn anything into a human and make it my best friend, I would choose a vagina.  In fact, I probably would name my new bvf (best vagina forever) something awesome like, Velociraptor.   How cool would that be to show people my best friend and say, “Look, this is my best friend.  Her name is Velociraptor.”

Of course they would say something like, “Dude, your best friend is a vagina named Velociraptor?  That is so fucking cool.”

I’d respond, “I know right.”

21. The Word “Vagina”

The word “vagina” comes from the Latin root meaning “sheath for a sword,” which may explain why some women simply hate the word.

Venice: I don’t like the word vagina so I’m going to call mine Sting-a-ling.
Ryan: How about the Holy Grail.
Venice: Na, I don’t like that either.  How about The Panic Room.
Ryan: I do feel safe inside it.

22. Vaginal Orgasms

Only about 30% of women have orgasms from intercourse alone. The clitoris is where the action is. Most women who do orgasm during sex have figured out how to hit their sweet spot, either from positioning or from direct stimulation of the clitoris with fingers.

Ryan: Wait, so using your fingers as direct stimulation during sex actually counts?
Venice: We’ve been doing that since like the first grade.
Ryan: I’ve been bamboozled.
Venice:  Relax.  Don’t jump to conclusions here okay.   Let’s ask the judges.  Judges, does using your fingers while you are having sex count as orgasming through penetration?    Ehhhhhh.   The judges do not accept that answer.  Using your fingers is cheating.
Ryan: So all those years I was doing it right.
Venice: Aww, don’t get mad I made you focus on figuring out how to make me cum with just using your dick.
Ryan: I’m ignoring you.
Venice: It’s all about the no hands Ryan.  Look mom, no hands!
Ryan: I can’t believe I felt like such a failure for years.  I’ve been making you cum during sex with my fingers since the beginning.
Venice: I know, but how will that help us if we ever become paraplegic Ryan?  You have to think about these things sweety.
Ryan: Well I guess it’s good to know that if we both ever became paraplegics together at the exact same time, and like lose all functions of all of our limbs, we could achieve orgasms together.
Venice:  See, I told you!  Think positive.

23. All Orgasms Aren’t Alike

The vagina has multiple pleasure-packed that can lead to different kinds of orgasms (penetration, g-spot, clitoral, blended, and multiple). Correct us if we’re wrong, but can’t guys only have one kind of orgasm? Yeah, thought so.

Ryan:  Wrong.
Venice: Uh oh, someone is about to take us to penis church.
Ryan: I mean, this misconception frustrates me for sure.   For one, some men can have multiple orgasms.   And I mean multiple.  No breaks, continuous orgasms.  If the mood is right and you are in a zone, I can have orgasms until my penis is literally dry heaving.
Venice: Haha.  I verify the above statement.
Ryan: Plus men can have oral sex orgasms, hand/foot job orgasms, penetration orgasms, grinding our penis on different body part orgasms, vibrators on the head of the penis orgasms, and orgasms where we stroke our own selves off while a woman licks various places on our bodies.
Venice: I’ve never told anyone the story about how you rubbed your crotch on my face until you shot cum all over me.
Ryan: Yea, and honestly, all these orgasms are different.  For instance, with oral sex I used to have to concentrate.  I’d get tense and sweaty, because it’s almost like you have to force the orgasm to happen.  Or if you ride me and you get extremely aggressive, my whole body goes numb and I literally get completely paralyzed. With penetration, sometimes it’s uncontrollable and you can’t stop the feeling no matter how much you hold back.  With hand jobs, it’s almost on demand.  You can cum if you want, no need to concentrate, or you can hold back and keep your erection longer.  With a vibrator on the penis head, I assume this would be similar to a female orgasm.  The vibrations almost my entire penis itch, but the more I grind my hips, I can slowly feel the build up inside my body before I eventually release.
Venice: You’re seriously sounding like Bubba Gump when he talks about his shrimp.  Cum Cocktail, Cum Gumbo, Fried Cum, Cum Taco…
Ryan: …you better stop before you make yourself hungry.
Venice: I’m always hungry for your cum.
Ryan:

24. Multiple Orgasms

You probably know that the “Big O” visits women more frequently than men. What you might not know is how many “multiple” really means. It’s an individual equation, but fortunately, enterprising young people continue to push the limits of human capability at Masturbate-a-thon events worldwide. In 2009, Deanna Webb rubbed out 226 orgasms for a world record. The year before the male title came (pun totally intended) with just 31.

Venice: 226?! Damn! I had 226 orgasms once. It was during February 2013 – December 2013.
Ryan: 31 is pretty damn impressive though.  However, I take back my previous statement.  If a woman can orgasm 226 times in a day, then the vagina is definitely winning that battle.
Venice: Hah!
Ryan: Probably faked 195 of them though.  Just saying.
Venice: Poor sport.

25. The Clitoris And The Penis Are The Same

Through the wonders of science, we now know that the bundle of tissue that makes up a woman’s clitoris is the very same as the one that makes up the penis. The same for the testicles and ovaries, clitoral hood and foreskin, and so on. We’re all the same, weird little peanuts until about the sixth week of gestation, when our sex cells begin to differentiate into male and female.

Venice: Nature has a way in determining which way a human should properly evolve. You know, becoming a more fit survivor, a.k.a. a woman.
Ryan: Are you trying to turn this blog into a war?  I will load my penis and shoot this thing if I have to.
Venice: Don’t make me pee on you Ryan.
Ryan:

26. The Clitoris

There are 8000 nerve endings in the clitoris, dedicated exclusively to female pleasure. The penis only has 4000. In fact, the clitoris has more nerve endings than anywhere else on the body. No wonder it’s like the control center of your orgasm.

Venice: Everyone knows women are more sensitive than men. Even their body parts are more sensitive.
Ryan: No argument there.  Apparently, even the clitoris is a damn drama queen.

27. The Walls Are Pleated

Usually, the walls of the vagina lie compressed against each other. But when they need to open— to accommodate a tampon or penis—the sides separate and widen, kind of like the way an umbrella opens or a pleated skirt unfolds. The vagina typically swells from half an inch wide to 2 inches wide. And it can get even bigger — after all, a baby might have to pass through it.

Ryan: It’s always neat to know that my wife’s vagina is made out of the same material an accordion is.
Venice: I don’t think that fact said anything about my vagina being made out of the same material as an accordion.
Ryan: Well, that’s how I read it.
Venice: Why doesn’t that surprise me?
Ryan: I wonder if your vagina can make music when I stretch it?
Venice: I’m sure you can, if you hit the right keys.
Ryan: Oh yea, call me Beethoven baby.
Venice: Okay Ryan.
Ryan:

28. It Can’t Be Ruined

The vagina is incredibly elastic and can fit a super-sized penis — yet it always returns to its usual tightness after sex. But it might be a different story once a woman gives birth to a baby.  Some moms say they do feel looser. You can tighten up by doing certain exercises.

Venice: What if the penis is the size of a baby’s arm?
Ryan: Ahaha.
Venice: Seriously.  I’m worried.
Ryan:  Do you feel looser than you did 16 years ago?
Venice: I can’t really remember.  But, I’m still worried.  What if I go to the Ob-Gyn and she falls inside?  Or I go to sit on a chair and it just disappears?
Ryan: Hah!  What the fuck?
Venice: This is not funny Ryan.
Ryan: I think these  fun facts about the vagina are making you a vaginacondriac.

29. Bacteria’s Home Sweet Home.

Every vagina has bacteria inside it.  But do not worry, it’s the kind of bacteria that keeps bad microorganisms in check so you don’t get an infection. One of the good bacteria is lactobacilli, also found in yogurt. In fact, some gynos say you can help cure a yeast infection by inserting a tablespoon of plain yogurt with live cultures into your vagina (put some on a tampon, and push it in).

Venice: Or even better, I can have you stick your tongue in yogurt and then stick it inside me?
Ryan: Or my penis, to get a nice deep yogurt douching.
Venice: If that doesn’t work I could put Monistat on your tongue and have me eat you out.
Ryan: Let’s make it like a science project.
Venice:
Anything for science is what I always say.
Ryan: Any reason to eat you out is what I always say.
Venice: You really don’t need a reason sweety.  Just say the word.
Ryan: Now, or do you want to finish this last fact?

30. Orgasms While She Sleeps

About a third of women can recall orgasming in their sleep, according to a study in the Journal of Sex Research. While nocturnal orgasms don’t happen all that often, nocturnal arousal occurs regularly during REM sleep—up to five times per night. And it’s not just her clitoris that becomes engorged with blood, but the entire genital area, making her more likely to have an orgasm.

Continue to the Next Vagina Dialogue

Facts About The Vagina ‘Dialogues’ – A Vagina Fall Out

Previous Vagina Facts

vagina factsAs most of you recall Ryan and I started our vagina fact series by compiling a list of different fun facts about the vagina.  After going over the list together I noticed we both were pretty opinionated on the different facts so I decided to log our conversations and put them in blog format.  Our opinions are just that, our opinions.  It doesn’t make us right or wrong.

In the previous blog we had nice little pictures to go along with every other fun fact.  For your own eyesight, we decided to not do that on these next 10.  Buy an anatomy book.

11. The Location Of Clitoris May Determine If You Can Have Penetration Orgasms

Not all lady parts are created equal—in fact, some clitorises may be a little closer to or farther from the vaginal opening. A study found that women whose clitorises were farther away from the vaginal opening were more likely to have trouble orgasming (probably due to decreased stimulation).

Venice: Get a fucking ruler right now.
Ryan: Haha.  Stop being such a size queen.  I know you’re hung.
Venice: I am not joking, get a ruler and measure the distance of my clitoris to my vagina opening.
Ryan: Well, you could just measure from the tip of my nose to my upper lip.
Venice: Huh?
Ryan: When my mouth is in your hole, I can rub your clitoris with my nose.
Venice: Oh, is that how you do it?
Ryan: Don’t worry about how I do it…

12. Listen People, Let’s Look Through a Peephole At Your Pee Hole

Men urinate through their penis. However, women do not pee through their vagina. Your bladder empties through the urethral opening, which is under the clitoris and above the vaginal opening.

Venice: Dat title doe
Ryan:
I’ll admit, as a teenager I definitely thought women peed through their vaginas.
Venice: More like well into your 20s.
Ryan: Maybe.  I can still remember finding out, through exploring your body, that there was another hole under the clitoris that the urine stream came from.
Venice: I remember.
Ryan:  Did you know that there have been men that actually had sex with women’s urethas rather than their vaginal openings?
Venice: No fucking way!
Ryan: Yes.  In fact, I’ve read that some women’s hymens were so tough and men weren’t educated on the female body properly, that they would instead force themselves inside a woman’s urethra because they didn’t know better.
Venice: Oh my gosh.
Ryan: Exactly.   Fellas, you can’t get a woman’s bladder pregnant.

13. Clots are Normal

Menstrual blood can sometimes be a bit freaky as it doesn’t flow like blood from elsewhere in the body. This is because the ‘blood’ is actually uterine lining. The womb lining is rich with blood in readiness to make a safe and healthy home for a fetus, so clotted blood is normal during your period. You need not be concerned unless the clots are large, heavy and bleeding is prolonged.

Ryan: You should make a meatloaf tonight.
Venice: And that’s your first thought after reading that?
Ryan: No, I closed my eyes and tried not to listen to this one.  Instead I thought of meatloaf with ketchup on top of it.   Mmmmmm, yummy meatloaf with ketchup.
Venice:

14. A Vagina Fall Out

One of the facts about vaginas you may not know is that it can “fall out.” In what is known as a pelvic prolapse, your vagina can turn inside out and hang between your legs. But no need to fret – it can be corrected.

Ryan:  Okay, now you guys are just taking this equal rights thing too fucking far.  Seriously, you guys can make your vaginas hang between your damn legs like a penis now?  You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
Venice: Damn right we can.  And yes, we can also play the air guitar with our prolapsed vaginas.
Ryan:  Well, can you play Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Simple Man” in tune like I can?
Venice:  Easily.   And don’t make any funny faces with I tuck my prolapsed vagina between my legs and say, “Oh look, I am a girl, I have camel toes.”
Ryan: IT PUTS THE LOTION ON!
Venice:  Haha!

15. Like A virgin

Losing your virginity refers to the breaking of the hymen, a membrane that partially closes the vagina – and yes, it can be broken by things other than penile penetration, but you remain a virgin until your first act of sexual intercourse.   Losing your virginity is a one-time thing only.

Ryan: So wait.  Let me get this straight.   This fact claims that once your hymen is broken it’s broke forever and you can’t be a virgin again, but, if it breaks before you have sex with another person, you are still a virgin?
Venice: It’s confusing I know.
Ryan:
You can do anything you want in life, including lose your virginity again.  Who cares what other people think.  What if you were raped or molested?  Does that mean you can never be a virgin?
Venice: That’s a good point.  I think a woman loses her virginity when she chooses the guy she wants to lose it too.
Ryan:  I mean, I didn’t have a choice being born from a vagina, does that mean only guys born through c-section still have their virginity?
Venice: Wow, these facts really have your wheels spinning huh?
Ryan:  I’m just saying.  Virginity is a mindset and who is to judge another person and say they can’t lose their virginity again.   Hymen or no hymen.

16. The Hymen

Not all hymens have a large hole in the middle. There are several variations, including those which lack any type of hole and require surgical puncturing at the onset of menstruation if the hymen has not been broken already. Horseback riding, bike riding, sports, and tampons can all break your hymen. Most girls don’t even notice.  It does not in any way cause you to lose your virginity.

Venice: This fact basically follows up on your last point Ryan.
Ryan: This also is a good example of why there have been cases of men having sex with an urethra.  A hymen that needs a surgery to be penetrated would make having sex extremely difficult.
Venice: For sure. #asianproblems

17. Vagina Muscles

Your vagina is a muscle and contracts and stretches just like other muscles do. And just like other muscles, if you don’t use them, you lose them. Regular sex is enough of a workout, but post-menopause, the fragile vaginal tissue is prone to scarring and shrinking, so if you’re a lady of a certain age and don’t have a partner for a prolonged period of time, it is best to invest in a battery-operated boyfriend.

Venice: Wait, so it shrinks and scars if you don’t use it?
Ryan: It seems like that’s what it’s saying.  At first I thought it was suggesting that after menopause an unused vagina would loosen up and become like a bag of wet potato chips.
Venice: Ugh.
Ryan: So, the vagina shrinking and scarring is a bad thing?
Venice: Probably makes it a lot more painful.
Ryan: For you, yes.  For me, no.
Venice: So what are you saying?
Ryan: I can’t wait until you are 75.   I bet it feels amazing.
Venice: Ha!  What a  Douche.

18. The Vagina Stretch

The vagina muscle is incredibly stretchy for birthing. This can leave you feeling loose. If your vagina isn’t as tight as you like, or is suffering from being a bit goosey loosey after you’ve had kids, vaginal exercises can do wonders. Known as Kegel exercises, get to work by contracting and relaxing 10 times for 3 sets a few times a day. If you’re not sure, try to stop the flow of urine when you pee – that will demonstrate exactly what you need to be doing.

Russian woman, Tatiata Kozhevnikova, holds the world record for lifting 31 pounds using only her vagina (as of 2012). Because the vaginal walls are made of contractile tissue (ie. muscle), they can be trained to contract more strongly. Vaginal exercises can also help improve a woman’s physical health and the strength of  her orgasms.

Ryan: The Russian woman did what?
Venice: I MUST BREAK YOU.
Ryan: If he dies, he dies.

19. Stretching Even More

Your vagina actually expands during sex. Ever wonder how it can seem so shallow that a doctor can feel the back walls and tell how dilated the cervix is with just his fingers?  If it’s that shallow, how is it possible to take larger than average men all the way inside you?   It’s called vaginal tenting, and it’s when the inner two-thirds of your vagina increase in length and width when you’re aroused.  The average vagina is 3 to 4 inches long; the average penis is between 5 and 5.7 inches long when erect. Uh oh. Fortunately, a lady’s love canal can expand by up to 200 percent, which means there should be plenty of space.   If a baby can fit, so can a penis.

Ryan: That last comment can be a bit misleading.
Venice: I’d say.  For one, I couldn’t give birth naturally because my cervix didn’t dilate.  Does that mean a penis won’t fit?
Ryan:  Ha.  There has been times when I was drinking and had a bit of trouble …
Venice: … or maybe you were just pushing in the wrong hole.
Ryan:
Venice: Anyway, Mr. “Wrong Hole McMole,” I’d think having a baby means a woman could probably take any man regardless of his girth size, but really has nothing to do with length or depth.
Ryan:  Right.
Venice: Not to mention, the baby comes from the uterus, which is beyond the cervix, which a penis shouldn’t be able to penetrate.
Ryan: I’ve read where some men think they penetrate the cervix.
Venice: Really?
Ryan: Yea, but from my experience I don’t think it’s possible for us.
Venice: Why do you say that?
Ryan: Well, your cervix is about 2 1/2 or 3 inches deep at most.   It feels like a small marble sized bulge with a hole in the middle.  Kind of like your anus sphincter, but much smaller and harder.  However, your vagina keeps going past the cervix and has like a small cave area in the back.  This area is about 3 1/2 inches to 4 inches deep.  I can reach it with my fingers and literally feel the back walls of your vagina.
Venice: That’s neat.  The cave area is where the semen coats the walls or  puddles up inside a woman’s body when a man orgasms.  When I orgasm, I believe my cervix will spasm and dip down into this area and the semen coats the cervix entrance.
Ryan: Yea.  When we have sex, my penis goes past the cervix and I can feel the bulge slide back and forth over my shaft.  As my penis passes the cervix, my head pushes your back walls in as deep as it can. Depending on the position and my erection strength, I can feel your back walls tighten up and literally reach its absolute stretching point.   As I push inside you, I can feel my shaft push back into my own body and massage my prostate with pressure.
Venice: Yea, I feel that too.  That’s actually the pressure that makes me orgasm.  For whatever reason, my cervix will spasm uncontrollably as you push hard against my back walls.
Ryan:  Yea.  That’s what makes me orgasm faster as well too.  However, for the penis to go inside the cervix, although I am sure it may be possible, it would have to literally stop before the back of the vagina, and penetrate into a hole the size of a pen top.   It would probably feel just as comfortable as a penis going into your urethra.
Venice:  Ouch.
Ryan:  Either way, interesting fun fact.

20. To Douche or not To Douche

Your vagina is self-sufficient.  In fact, it is so self-sufficient, it even cleans itself. Many intravaginal (douche) products and washes can increase your risk of bacterial and yeast infections by throwing your pH levels out of whack. So stick to regular soap and water, and let your lady parts do their own thing. There are probably more bacteria in your mouth than in your vagina.

Another of the things to know about your vagina is that it has a signature smell that is unique to you. Why would you want to mask that smell with douches that smell like rose petals or the ocean? If you are douching because you have a particularly strong odor and it is accompanied by discharge, it could be the sign of an infection, so instead of reaching for a douche spray, seek medical advice.

Ryan: Dang, your vagina is a lot more useful than I thought.  I wonder if it could also wash our car or something?
Venice: It absolutely can.
Ryan: Really?
Venice: Yes, do you want to see?
Ryan: Hell yea.  This should be fun.
Venice: Ryan, go wash our car or you aren’t getting my pussy tonight.
Ryan:
Venice:
Ryan:  Damn it.

The Next 10 Fun Facts About The Vagina

Facts About The Vagina ‘Dialogues’ – Size Does Matter

naked beautiful bodyAs most of you know, I love the vagina just as much as I love Ryan’s penis.  Which is a lot.  So I decided to draft a list from various sources, as well as from my own experience, and share it on our blog.  Originally when I compiled the list I ended up with 50 different Fun Facts About The Vagina.  Actually, some may not be “facts”, as there are unique vaginas and situations that do not follow with what different studies suggest.  If that is the case, fix your broken vagina.

As I reworked the list to put things in a certain order, I decided to let Ryan look over what I had.  He suggested commenting on each fun fact, whether it be silly or helpful, and break the article down into multiple blogs.  So, that’s what I did.

big clit1. Vaginal Erections

During arousal, your lady parts act like his man parts.  Most people have read that the clitoris swells with blood when a woman is turned on.  It’s not just the clitoris though, it is also the labia minora.  The labia minora contains erectile tissue that gets slightly stiffer when things heat up. The reasons for this go back to when you were a fetus with androgynous parts. “We all start out with the same tissues in that area,” says Shelly Holmstrom, MD, associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of South Florida at Tampa.

Ryan:  Dat pic doe?
Venice:  So ladies, the next time you get turned on, stand up and beat your labias against his face.
Ryan: I’ve been given multiple fat lips and black eyes from Venice slamming her labias against my soft gentle face.
Venice: I have to toughen you up just in case you end up in prison.
Ryan:

2. Swimming with the Sharks.  HOWARD, SMITH, LUCIO, BALDONI, LISHANSKY

The vagina produces a lubricant that is made of the same organic compound that is found in shark liver oil called squalene.  Squalene derived from sharks is sometimes added to moisturizers and skin creams, where it acts as an emollient.

Ryan: I guess that explains why my face is always so gentle and soft.
Venice: Mine too.
Ryan: Ha!
Venice: Anyway, no more buying lotion for me.  When I froth I will just rub it on my thighs and knees.
Ryan: … and I’ll enjoy the smell and taste much more.

3. Silly Silicone

Silicone lubricants may be right for you but not for your toys. Gynecologists like Chicago’s Lauren Streicher, MD, recommend silicone-based lubricants over water-based ones because they feel more natural, last much longer and doesn’t usually contain propylene glycol, which is a potential irritant. However, silicone lubricant can compromise the integrity of vibrators and other sex toys that also contain silicone, and can cause them to change shape or break down.

Venice: So what about saliva?  Is that good for my toys?  Maybe you should deepthroat my dildo before I use it Ryan?
Ryan:  How about no.
Venice:
 Prude.
Ryan:
Venice: I guess I will stick to Coconut Oil for my toys.

loveandtampons14. A Tampon a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

Menstrual blood may be a lifesaver. For years, scientists have been trying to find a medically helpful use for menstrual blood, which contains stem cells that have the ability to regenerate. The latest, most exciting research: cells from this all-too-readily-available blood are currently being tested to see if they can help patients with heart failure.

Venice: See Ryan, you can eat me out on my period and protect yourself from heart failure.
Ryan: Not really sure how to reply to that.
Venice: Maybe dunk my old tampon into a glass of warm water like tea or something?
Ryan: Yea, I pretty much like knowing we’ll have no more readers reading this blog again.  It’s refreshing.
Venice:
Oh god, isn’t the vagina wonderful.  I should use this information about period blood and do a huge article on why men should enjoy a woman the most when they are menstruating.  Stem cells re-energizes you, make you feel younger, and also help with heart failure. You know, like the article like you did about the positive affects of semen and anal sex.  It really did promote more anal sex, which was your agenda.  Maybe I should push my agenda.
Ryan:  And your agenda is?
Venice: When women are on their periods, me should bow before us and sing like an angels as our thrombocytes drip onto your tongues.
Ryan:  What the fuck?
Venice: I know, I lost you at the thrombocyte part.  Those are blood cells whose function is to stop bleeding.
Ryan:
 Ha, yea, that’s what I was saying ‘what the fuck’ to for sure.  By the way, that anal article is by far our most popular blog.  I’ve helped men all over the world convince their otherwise reluctant wives to bend over and take one for the team.

shaving5. The Dangers of Shaving

Shaving and waxing the bikini area can cause micro-trauma — even when it doesn’t hurt. The process of hair removal causes tiny nicks and abrasions that can allow bacteria to get under the skin and cause infections, explains Susan Taylor, MD, a Philadelphia-based dermatologist and the author of Brown Skin. The micro-trauma caused by Brazilian waxes, especially, can boost the risk of a pox-like viral infection called molluscum contagiosum, suggests a small study published online in the journal Sexually Transmitted Infections. Don’t share razors—and consider holding off sexual contact until a day or two after a wax (longer if you have visible bumps or wounds).

Ryan: Razor bumps can also turn into staph infections.  Any time you have razor bumps there are risks (lather up and use a good razor), but the risks are much higher when you have have skin to skin contact.  This is why staph is so prevalent in wrestling.
Venice: Thank you Dr. Ryan.  I know I want to be totally smooth when I hook up with another girl, but I definitely suggest shaving a day or two prior to any hook ups.  Minimize your risks, no matter how “clean” you think your partner may be.

6. Vagina Abuse

Sex can also cause micro-trauma — even when it feels great. A normal, enjoyable bout of sex can still result in small scrapes or tears to the internal tissue, says Holmstrom. “Unfortunately for us, that’s why women are so much more likely than straight men to get STIs,” she says. Condoms are your best protection against STIs (besides abstinence, obviously), but as fans of the show Girls know, even they aren’t foolproof against HPV and genital ulcers, which can be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact.

Venice: Trust me on this one, 30 minutes of penis is all I need.
Ryan: Good thing, because 30 minutes is all I have!
Venice:
Ha!  I’ve trained you well.  I remember in the beginning you would fuck me so hard and long it felt like my vagina was being slashed with razor blades.
Ryan: Damn.
Venice:  Yea, I would moan and just take it. Even if lubricated properly, too much friction is still intense.  When I was young and naive I thought a good girl should just lay there and take it.
Ryan: Should I say sorry now or what?
Venice:
No, just remember, slow and deep makes this girl orgasm, and I don’t need more than 30 minutes of penetration, ever.
Ryan: For our readers, every girl is different.  Figure out what your limits are and communicate with your lover.  Do NOT just lay there and “take it like a man” because you’ve read articles or heard that the longer a man goes, the better in bed he is.
Venice:  Exactly.  The more a man listens to what you want and enjoy, the better he is in bed.

sweaty7. The Sweaty Vagina

Sweating down there isn’t only normal; it provides a necessary function.Just below the skin of the labia and clitoral hood are hundreds of tiny glands that secrete oil and sweat. This can protect your delicate areas from friction and overheating.

Ryan: This cannot protect your vagina from smelling.  If it sweats, wash it.
Venice: That’s what I’m saying…
Ryan: What about that one girl we met that said she enjoys smelling sweat on another woman?
Venice: Too bad, she can enjoy it on someone else.  I’m washing off thoroughly before any sexual activity.  Unless you know your partner well, I suggest you do the same.  I don’t mind Ryan’s sweat, but I’ve lived with him for half my life.
Ryan: So what are you saying.  You love giving me blow jobs after a long day doing yard work?
Venice:
Ugh…
Ryan:
Don’t even try it Mrs. “Eat Me On My Period Because My Stem Cells Are Healthy, Article Coming Soon, 2014.”
Venice: … and until they find stem cells in your sweat, you’re hoping your grass smelling balls in the shower first.
Ryan:  Hah!  Well, grass does have stem cells.  Technically.
Venice: Straws.  Reaching.  Try again.

wet panties8. Wet Panties

It’s normal for premenopausal women to have daily discharge. The vagina can produce an average of a teaspoon of discharge a day, and it’s often white or transparent and odorless. Just before the ovulation phase of your menstrual cycle, this discharge will probably be more watery and elastic, and there will seem to be much more of it. If it bothers you, try a sanitary pad (and if you notice anything unusual — odor, discomfort, etc. — talk to your doctor).

Ryan: I’m slowly falling out of love with vaginas.
Venice: I’m not.

9. The Carpets Match the Drapes

Hair around your vagina really does tend to be the same color as the hair on your head, but it will never be as long. The growth phase of pubic hair is much shorter than that of hair on your head.   While hair on your head can live up to seven years, pubic hair has a life expectancy of about three weeks, which is why it only grows so long. So don’t worry if you opt not to groom your pubes — you won’t need to braid them any time soon.

Ryan: It’s a fact that Asian women’s pubic hair has a life expectancy of a year, not 3 weeks.
Venice:  Uh huh, a fact from where?
Ryan: I’ve done my research.
Venice: Oh so basically internet porn and random message boards?
Ryan: Yea, pretty much.  Like I said, fact.

vag 1010. Size Does Matter

Just as petals range in size from buttercup to orchid, the length of the inner labia, or labia minora, can be between 3/4 inch and 2 1/3 inch (a much broader range than most of us realize), according to a classic study published in the early 1900s in the journal American Gynecology, and every gynecologist we’ve ever talked to says there’s no good medical, hygienic or aesthetic reason to be self-conscious of yours.

Venice: Ryan, in your opinion does size matter?
Ryan: Aesthetically? I’d say the smaller the labias the more attractive.  But that is totally subjective.  I am sure some guys love the look of huge lips.
Venice: What about physically?
Ryan: You know my opinion.  The bigger and fuller the lips, the more friction it creates.  The more friction, the better it feels to me.  The best example I can give is with anal sex.  Yes, it’s much tighter than any vagina I have ever felt, but the lack of friction and creates much less sensation. Without the lips rubbing against my shaft and head, it isn’t as fulfilling.
Venice: Interesting for sure.   What about the insides of the vagina?  Does it feel the same as say the inside of my ass?
Ryan: No.  The inside of the vagina has so much more texture and sensation.  Also, not being quite as tight gives your inner ridges a chance to actually massage my penis.
Venice: So aesthetically, smaller lips are more attractive to you.  However, physically, the larger lips feel better.
Ryan: Yea, pretty much.
Venice:  Very interesting.  For alot of women, it’s the exact opposite. Aesthetically the huge penis is much more desirable, while an average or slightly above average penis is much less painful and more enjoyable to a lot of us.

The Next 10 Fun Facts About The Vagina