Freaky Friday Search Terms – JessTaKit

freakyfridayOn various Fridays we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

This week is a bit different from our previous weeks.  Instead of random crazy keywords, it’s a person’s name.   Each of these keywords was searched various times and apparently led to our site each time.  The problem is, it seems like the keyword is actually an ex-member’s alias and the searcher was none other than his wife.  I feel we are safe using the name jesstakit, because this was just a Twitter/random alias that no longer exists, and it had no real name associated with it.  Also, we will keep the email we received from jesstakit’s wife private.  The Google keywords though?  Public information and this Freaky Friday is a different type of freaky.

10. jesstakit friends
Venice: No big deal you know, just a concerned wife who just found out her husband’s secret moniker and decided to search the wonderful Internet for friends.
Ryan: Yea, nothing can go wrong searching the Internet for aliases.
Venice: Uh huh.
Ryan: I remember the guy, he was pretty friendly.   I’m sure she found a lot of results for this one.
Venice: Yea for sure.  She must have freaked out when the word “fuckblogging.com” returned as a top result.
Ryan: Naa, I just Googled his name and got the following: Soccermom, #Hotwife & #Escort, along with a lot of other not so flattering stuff.
Venice:
 Yea, that isn’t good at all.

9. jesstakit chat
Venice: Again, just a concerned spouse checking up on her man.  No big deal.
Ryan: Yes, we are a clean wholesome site.  I can see why these results led to us.  We are known for our wonderful chats.
Venice: Yes, our traffic is swarming with insightful conversations and comments.  We’ve had to change servers various time because of the amount of delightful chat we get here.
Ryan: To be honest, he probably would read our blog at night, then leave our site,  make his wife a nice romantic dinner, play some mellow jazz…
Venice: …then pull out the butt plugs and inform his wife that semen in the anus is addictive and can create a higher sex drive.
Ryan: That sounds about right.  We’ve helped many couples.

8. i want jesstakit
Venice: Okay wait.  What?
Ryan: Yea, not really sure what’s going on here.  Why the fuck are we a result with this one?
Venice: I just checked.  Pretty much my twitter account is a result with every freaky term you can think of and the word jesstakit.
Ryan: You naughty girl.  You naughty, naughty girl.
Venice: What, me?  Noooooo.

7.  jesstakit hard cock
Venice: Hahahaha.
Ryan: It seems like his wife has went full on private investigator on him.
Venice: Please, for the love of the internet, don’t tell me we have a jesstakit fan picture of his penis with our website’s name written on it.
Ryan: Hah!  How crazy would that be.
Venice: I can’t believe she searched for this term various times and still ended up on our page.

6. jesstakit anal
Venice: Yea, I knew this one was coming.
Ryan: I’m. So. Ashamed.
Venice: Seriously, I feel like we just got sent to the principal’s office and he is reading our dirty letter out loud that the teacher caught me handing to you in math class.
Ryan: Ha!  You remember that?
Venice: “I want to eat your ass hole out.  Not just eat it out, I want to stick my tongue so far inside you that it gives you the feeling you have to use the bathroom…”
Ryan: Haha!  It wasn’t that big of a deal.
Venice: He showed my mom!

5. jesstakit gay
Ryan: Okay, wait.  This is just getting too weird.
Venice: Oh no, were just warming up here.
Ryan: This is bad.

4. jesstakit nice guy
Ryan: Okay, I’m done.  This is fucking outrageous.  We’re playing with peoples lives here!
Venice: Oh really Ryan?  That’s where you draw your line huh.  Nice guy?
Ryan: Yes dammit.  I’m a man, and he is my brother in arms.  It’s a man rule that you never throw your damn brother under the bus.  I’m stopping here.  This is NOT right.
Venice: Uh huh.  Way to watch your brother’s back Ryan.  We only have like 3 left.
Ryan: Viva la revolución.

That’s all for the freaky terms this week.  We’ve shown enough.

Venice: I think you guys get the point.  Some freaky things have happened since we started this blog.
Ryan: Angry boyfriends, private investigating wives, cock pictures with your face scratched into the head of the penis with a clothing pin.
Venice: Yea, just typical fan stuff.  It’s why I love blogging and sharing my thoughts with our readers.
Ryan: We should make like an iPhone game and call it Angry Boyfriends.
Venice: That would be neat. Maybe have like a stack of dildos making house shapes with different girls faces in the windows.
Ryan: Yea, and like, you shoot the Angry Boyfriends across the screen into the Dildo houses and try to free the girls faces.
Venice: Trademark!
Ryan: Copyright!

 

 

Freaky Friday Search Terms – small dicks don’t feel good because they poke the rectal walls

freakyfridayOn various Fridays we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. underage penis
Venice: Flagged!
Ryan: Expect a knock on your door at anytime.  Good work Agent V.

9. cumming at wrong time
Ryan:
Not possible…
Venice: Possible.
Ryan: At church?
Venice: At your child’s parent-teacher conference.
Ryan: Depends on the teacher, in my opinion.
Venice:
Ryan: At Disney World on the Haunted Mansion ride?
Venice: No, you’re timing was great then.
Ryan: At work?
Venice: If so, you’ve failed many times. 
Ryan: Well, that is after work, big difference.  Technically the office becomes a bedroom when your co-workers leave. 
Venice:  Then explain the midday ‘sneak to the back’ copy room thing with all your co-workers definitely there…
Ryan: Was that a wrong time?
Venice: Not really. 
Ryan: So what are you saying then?
Venice: I guess there really isn’t a wrong time.   Well, except church.
Ryan: Well, technically we are married so it’s not like…
Venice: Stop.

8. xairu vagina foto
Ryan: hairy vagina photo!
Venice: Tell him what he won Chuck!
Ryan: Finally my hidden skill of deciphering one handed typing has paid off!

7. figure 8 deepthroat
Ryan: Yes please?
Venice: You’ve had it.
Ryan: Part of your blow job techniques article?
Venice: Uh huh…
Ryan: It’s my ballzheimers again.  Maybe you should help me remember?
Venice: Like, what, are you going to type your next comment as if its a narrator describing the scene or something?
[I slowly unzip my pants and pull my cock out]
Ryan: No, I am not corny like that.
[Venice gets down on her knees and begins to deepthroat me.  I grow in her mouth and wait to see if she can really figure 8 her throat as she deepthroats.  She can.]
Venice: Happy?
[I am]
Ryan: I am.

6. pictures of pussy before it grows hair
Venice:
Flagged!
Ryan: da FBI willy youzes da googlez?
Venice: Yes they do Mr. Pussy before it grows hair guy!

 5. tweety bird cum
Ryan:
Wtf?
Venice: Flagged?
Ryan: I don’t know about that one.  Maybe the FBI will let this one slide.
Venice: PETA won’t.  Flagged.
 Ryan: Hahaha.

4. shaving vagina before interrogation
Venice:
That’s what I always do…
Ryan: Yea, I’ve heard about how detectives will immediately check a woman’s vagina for hair to figure out if they committed a crime or have any information.
Venice: I want to let them know I have nothing to hide.
Ryan: So, in other words, you don’t want your pubic hairs to testify against you?
Venice: Yes, no telling when those curly bastards will say something incriminating.  Off with their heads!

3. my wafe laik big cock fuken
Ryan: my wife likes to fuck big cocks!
Venice: Seriously, that’s amazing.
Ryan: Thank you, I have been working on this hidden talent for years.
Venice: I bet. 

2. my dad swallowed my cum
Venice: Flagged!
Ryan: Relax Barney Fife. 
Venice: Flagged!
Ryan: Oh god, I have to get you a whistle or something to blow on.
Venice:
Ryan:  Too easy?
Venice: Way too easy.

1. small dicks don’t feel good because they poke the rectal walls
Venice:
Sounds fairly accurate in my opinion.
Ryan: Well, I bet her rectal walls don’t feel good either then!
Venice: Oh Ryan, are you white horsing for the small penises of the world again?
Ryan: I’d say I was white minature ponying for them, yes…
Venice: Captian SaveASmallDick
Ryan: Whatever.  I bet her rectal walls feel like shit anyway.
Venice: I see what you did there.

Freaky Friday Search Terms – my buddy made me suck his huge dick

freakyfridayEach week we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website that week.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. dont cum in my wife
Ryan:
Or have sex with her.
Venice: Or kiss her.
Ryan: Or think about her.
Venice: At least he had some boundaries though.
Ryan: That’s true.  It could have been worse I guess.   Don’t walk up to my wife while she is in the shower after you came inside her and stick your finger up her vagina to hold the cum in like a cork.   
Venice: Now that’s a husband making a stand.

9. his n her butt plugs
Venice:
Ohhhhh, amazon.com here I come.
Ryan: Ohhhh, so which hole do you consider the man, your vagina or your ass?
Venice: Real cute Ryan.
Ryan:  Whatever, just know, you’ll be wearing both.
Venice: Just know, that leaves no holes for you.
Ryan: Unless you’re also buying a matching pacifier, I still have a hole.
Venice: … and that hole has teeth smart guy.
Ryan: That is NOT funny.  In fact, I am editing out that comment just so other women who read this don’t get the wrong idea.
Venice: Uh huh, we’ll see.

8. why guys don’t taste their cum
Ryan: We do, we just don’t talk about it. 
Venice: You shouldn’t give your man a choice.  Scoop it out and push it in. 
Ryan: Nice.  I imagine 100s of very straight, never taste my own cum alpha husbands, will enjoy their wives new technique you taught them tonight. 
Venice: You didn’t mind.
Ryan: Oh, so we’re having one of these days huh?
Venice: What?  I’m just saying, you didn’t mind, Mr. “Oh God, feed me my own juices and make me your bitch, Venice!”
Ryan: Wow.   I’ll be editing that one for sure.
Venice: Uh huh, we’ll see.

7. 69 techniques with ball sucking
Ryan:
You know at least a couple 100.
Venice: I don’t think he meant that.
Ryan: That’s funny because just last night…
Venice: That is kind of funny.   I was just doing this.
Ryan: Well, this one won’t make any sense to anyone but us, but that’s okay. 
Venice: I’ll explain.  Last night I was on top of Ryan 69ing, and I started sucking his balls while he ate my ass and vagina.   True story. 
Ryan: True story.

6. how to swallow his cum
Venice:
Open your mouth and let him cum inside there.  Close mouth and swallow.
Ryan: Might be a bit too complex, can you simplify it more?
Venice: Open, close, gulp!
Ryan: Seriously, I think this person may still have trouble understanding, maybe you can just show them visually and demonstrate on me?
Venice: Okay (Link).

5. dental dam porn
Venice:  So I just googled dental dam.
Ryan: Yea, me too.
Venice: Bucket list?
Ryan: Added.

4. my buddy made me suck his huge dick
Ryan: Talk about bad luck.  Not only did he end up with a horrible friend that forces him to  suck cock, but he also happens to be  fucking huge.  
Venice: Bad luck? Luckiest friend ever!
Ryan: Ugh, you’re such a size queen.
Venice: Listen, us ladies gamble when we choose our men, okay?  We see a guy that we like and walk up to play him.  He is firm, colorful, and lights up the room, so we get excited and reach for the handle on our slot machines.  Hopefully we don’t end up at a nickle machine, you know?
Ryan: No, I don’t know.  I didn’t realize you thought of me as a damn slot machine either. 
Venice: No, you’re my jackpot.
Ryan:  Awwwwww….
Venice: I bet you won’t edit that shit out, huh.

3. how i got my man to suck cock for me
Ryan: Apparently you find him an aggressive friend with a huge cock.
Venice: Ha! 

2. how long does it take for sperm to come out of butthole
Ryan:
Venice?
Venice: Depends really. 
Ryan: Oh man, she is about to make Bill Nye the Science Guy proud right now.
Venice: Well, there are so many variables.  The tightness of your sphincter muscles in your anus and the amount of times the penis thrust inside you to loosen those sphinter muscles.  Also, the quantity of the semen itself.  If the man has a huge load, gravity will take effect much faster. 
Ryan: Interesting stuff here.
Venice: I personally like to lay on my tummy after anal so gravity pushes the semen deeper into my colon and I  absorbs the nutrients.  I will also stay in this position a few minutes and check my twitter and E-mails.  I like to stay connected.
Ryan: She likes to absorb her jackpot.
Venice: Then finally I will rinse off, but as I do, I squeeze my sphinter muscles in my ass the entire time.  This keeps Ryan’s semen in my body, which is where I want it.  
Ryan: She likes to keep that jackpot inside her.
Venice:  I really regret that compliment now.
Ryan: Cha Ching…. jackpot baby!
Venice: Anyway, to answer your question, it stays in your colon until you use the bathroom.

1. how to give a blow job without getting juices inside the mouth
Venice: Ryan?
Ryan: Ha! 
Venice: Care to share your advice or experience with us, Bill Nye?
Ryan: Too funny.  I don’t give blow jobs, and seriously, other than that jackpot comment, I am pretty much going to edit out all your comments this week.  The new working title will be, “Ryan’s Opinion on Freaky Friday Search Terms” 
Venice: Uh huh.

Freaky Friday Search Terms – pressing my cock against Filipina rectum hole stories

freakyfridayEach week we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website that week.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. one night in Venice anal
Ryan: Ha!  Did you get permission from Paris Hilton and Chyna for this video Venice?  This sounds a lot like a remake of  “One Night In Paris” and “One Night In Chyna”
Venice: Oh, damn. Did someone “leak” a video of mine? 
Ryan: Sells so far:  2.
Venice:  Hey, that’s 1 more than the Screech Sex Tape!
Ryan:  That’s true.

9. when a men fucks a women how sperm goes inside vagina help
Ryan: How does the sperm get inside her vagina?
Venice: He sounds like he could be Asian.
Ryan: That’s not right.

8. пенис 21 сантиметр
Venice:  This is Russian for “21 inch penis.” Thank you, Google Translate Language Detector.
Ryan: I MUST BREAK YOU
Venice: Oh god. Don’t start.
Ryan: IF HE DIES, HE DIES.
Venice: Just stop Ryan.  That’s like the only Russian you know and it isn’t even Russian. 
Ryan: LIKE YOUR POPEYE YES, HE ATE HIS SPINACH EVERY DAY.
Venice: …
Ryan: Get your hands up!  Do you need a google translate language detector, it’s time to go to school!
Venice: YOU WILL LOSE!
Ryan: Ha!!!  That’s why I love you.

7. cum inside no permission
Ryan:
That’s called a condom sweetheart.
Venice: Too bad so sad.

6. walked in on my husband jerking off to porn on his phone
Ryan:  I don’t get how you could really enjoy a porn on such a small screen. 
Venice: Maybe he was Asian?
Ryan: Ha!  You are such a racist.
Venice: Hey, if the truth fits, wear it.
Ryan: Wrong.
Venice: The shoe hurts?
Ryan:  Oh god, stop fucking with me.  So the lady walks in on her husband stroking it to porn on his phone.
Venice: I guess his phone isn’t as smart as he thought it was….
Ryan: The new Dumb Phone!  It has no mute button function and turns your phone’s volume all the way up any time it loads a porn. 
Venice: It automatically sends all sext messages with strange women to your spouse’s email.   
Ryan: Every time you send a random penis picture to gay men on craigslist, it forwards it to your entire office.  2 year contract and activation fees required.
Venice: This just in, Chuck, apparently there has been a new surge of men buying flip phones and beepers.  We can’t explain this technological dumbing down phenomenon.
Ryan: Ha, Chuck huh.  Didn’t want to go with the classic Dick?
Venice: … oh you’re setting me up with that one.  Oh. No. Ryan. I. Don’t. Want. To. Go. With. The. Classic. Dick. You. Give. Me. All. The. Dick. I. Can. Handle.
Ryan:  Oh yea?  And you’re stupid!

5. wife says my penis is perfect does that mean its small
Venice: Probably.
Ryan: There are a few words you do not want to hear when your wife describes your penis.  One is definitely, “perfect.”  A few others:  Adorable. Cute. Precious. Cozy. 
Venice:  Or tiny.
Ryan:  Yea, tiny wouldn’t be good for sure.  We want to hear things like, magnificant.  Amazing.  Breathtaking. 
Venice: Huge.
Ryan:  Yea, or huge, that’s always good.
Venice: Horse-like.
Ryan: Yea, horse-like would be pretty cool to hear.  I mean, I personally wouldn’t know because like, it isn’t something thrown in my direction on the daily.
Venice: I’ve called you my little pony!
Ryan: Yea, uh, not quite the fucking same as horse-like  but whatever.  The jury is still out on that one.  The whole, little-pony thing.  I mean, technically, I guess a pony would be more hung than a human, but in comparison to a horse, it’s smaller.  Plus, why does it have to be a little pony?  Why not a normal pony or maybe even a pony that children may mistake as a small horse? 
Venice: It’s better than calling it a Carebear right?
Ryan:  Way off topic, but yes, I guess it would be better than it being called a Carebear.
Venice:  Exactly.  Next term please!
Ryan: 

4. pressing my cock against Filipina rectum hole stories
Venice: I love when search terms are succinct and to the point. 
Ryan: “I want a cheeseburger, grill the bun, double cheese, lite mayo, no lettuce, two pickle spears, and my cock pressed against a filipina’s rectum please.”
Venice: Would you like to supersize that?
Ryan: No, I am your little pony remember.
Venice: Let it go Ryan, just let it go.

3. why do japanese women have hairy pussy’s
Ryan: Because it’s sexy?
Venice: To get to the other side?
Ryan: To cushion the pushin?
Venice: So their husbands won’t get mad and see there is still a lot more room in their vaginas?
Ryan: Oh wow…
Venice: Do we get like a top answer or something?  Maybe a big X on the screen like Family Fued if  we answer wrong.
Ryan:  Yea, your answer definitely gets a red X.
Venice:  Survey says!

2. mastirmation women
Ryan: Well, he didn’t totally mess that up.
Venice: If you would proof read your articles Ryan, people that spell just as bad as you would never find us.
Ryan: I do it on purpose for this exact reason.

1. adult poem on penis and pussy
Venice: I’m glad we can help students with their english projects.
Ryan: For sure, and our site is stacked with adult poems on penis and pussy.
Venice: A modern day Emily Dickinson
Ryan: You can call me Edgar Allan Poke
Venice:  I’ll call you Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Ryan:  Or William Shakespears
Venice: Okay, you’re reaching…
Ryan:  What, shake spheres, like shake two balls?
Venice: Let’s just end it there.
Ryan: Shakespears, like he strokes and make his balls bounce.  Get it?
Ryan: Venice?
Ryan: Whatever, William Shakespears wasn’t a reach at all.

Freaky Friday Weekly Search Terms – biggest dick ever been deepthroated

freakyfridayEach week we will post our most outrageous search terms that people used to find our website that week.  Ryan and I will then share our own thoughts and hopefully entertain you guys or at least make the search term make a little less sense.

Each search term was gathered by wordpress and/or google statistics and they are all very real search terms.   Each search term was used by some person in the world that ended up on our page.

10. super deepthroat / megadildo deepthroat
Ryan:  Sounds exciting.
Venice: Sounds like an amazing se-XMen movie.
Ryan: The Return of Magneto and Mandingo
Venice: se-Xmen Origins: Polverine.
Ryan:
Venice: Professor seX and PipeCrawler
Ryan: I’m done.
Venice: The Colossus and  Longshot
Ryan: Done?
Venice: Cyclops and Cumfire Released
Venice: The Beast and Cockheed Do Dallas
Ryan:  Seriously, I only know Magneto and Wolverine.  Mine are all used up.
Venice: Marvel Girl’s Rising Phoenix
Ryan: Nerd.
Venice: Hayyyterrr.

9. i lost a bet and sucked another mans cock
Venice: I have to wonder if this type of bet is contractually binding?
Ryan: Well, it is an oral agreement.
Venice: I see what you did there.
Ryan: Depending on his size, it could have been a pinky promise.
Venice:  Just stop…
Ryan: What?  The guy lost a bet so he needs to suck it up and pay the piper.
Venice: I just think this is one of those bets a guy should welch on.
Ryan: Listen, all we have is our balls and our word…
Venice:  …and apparently another man’s balls in your mouth.
Ryan: Oh god.   If a man says he is going to mow your grass, well damnit, he better not let the weeds grow.
Venice: If I was a man and I found out the weeds squirted sperm in my face, your yard would be a damn forest.
8. pics of women who will swallow my cum
Venice:  Is he looking for pictures of women that would possibly swallow his cum?
Ryan: Hmmm, kind of like a classified ad.
Venice: “Wanted: Woman who will swallow my cum. Must be a woman. Must have a mouth. Please send selfie shots to willyouswallowmycum19283@hotmail.com

7. my husband wants to let our baby suck his dick
Ryan:  Not cool at all.
Venice:  What the fuck.

6. what women think of anal cum shits
Venice: Truly a question for the ages.
Ryan: Listen, I’m still not over the last one.  Like, seriously, why put the baby term on the list and then follow up with cum shits?
Venice: You’re welcome.

5. lol dildo swallowed
Venice:  I don’t see what’s so funny.
Ryan: All your lulz are belong to us.
Venice:  Really Ryan?
Ryan:  What?  The person thinks it’s funny to swallow dildos.  Nothing wrong with that.
Venice: Okay Mr. Funny Guy, how about you make me laugh.
Ryan: 

4. biggest dick ever been deepthroated
Venice:  I’m flattered this person was led to us
Ryan:  You’re flattered?  So am I, unfortunately he was extremely let down.
Venice:  Ha!  Stop.
Ryan: Not laughing.
Venice: All your lulz are not belong to us!?

3. i let him see my vagnia
Venice:  Since when did we become a confession booth?
Ryan: I don’t think God has any problem with vagnias.
Venice: We should Urban Dictionary some of these terms we get.
Ryan:  Well, what exactly does vagnia mean to you V?
Venice: Vag-ni-a (noun): A 6th sense found in females that gives them power to control a male
Ryan: Oh that term is already in Urban Dictionary.  It’s called Pussy Whipped.

2. will my wife enjoy wearing a butt plug during sex
Venice: What the hell.  Why don’t you ask her?
Ryan: Actually, I googled that term and clicked our site to see if you would answer it on Freaky Friday.
Venice: I hope you are fucking kidding me.
Ryan:  Well?
Venice: Well what?
Ryan: Will my wife enjoy wearing a butt plug during sex?
Venice: Done.
Ryan: This is my new form of communication.  Google terms and somehow have it lead back to our page so you can answer my questions.
Venice: So smartie, how well did that whole, ‘get an answer’ thing work out for you?
Ryan: Well, give me a chance to perfect this communication technique.
Venice:  Done.

1. if i swallow my own sperm from masterbating will i get a disease
Ryan: This depends on what exactly you do prior to swallowing your sperm.  Let’s say you sperm into a nice cold bottle of delicious syphilis on a hot day, it may be possible.
Venice: I like the way you make that bottle of mountain brewed syphilis delight almost sound wonderful.
Ryan: Well, it did make me thirsty…
Venice: Do you want me to give you a minute alone in the bathroom or something?
Ryan: Hmph.

Bonus: dustins nipple
Ryan: Winner.