A Warning About Threesomes – The Superpowers of an Introvert

A Warning About Threesomes – The Superpowers of an Introvert

Although we have had various issues with having threesomes, the issues didn’t outweigh the positive results:   the experiences brought us closer together.  We just didn’t feel the things that people warn you about when it came to threesomes.  In our relationship prior to opening our bedroom, complacency had taken over.  We had become roommates, able to function and say we love each other without showing it, having sex just to get relief with little to no intimacy.   At the crossroads of our relationship, we either needed to find a way to be excited with each other, or rethink our marriage.  We both decided that our marriage was something we didn’t want to give up on.  The alternative to separating and giving up, was opening our minds and trying things we had never done.  As we reconnected, we shifted back into a honeymoon phase.  A rebirth of wanting intimacy, closeness, and a new willingness to try new things.  Much like when we first met, all the things we wanted to try sexually were discussed and something we were excited to try.  In a new marriage, this gradually dies off and you just become complacent, rather than excited to be around each other.   It’s also easy to close the door on new ideas, open marriages, or exploring your sexuality.  Especially when you marry young.  A catalyst like realizing your marriage is almost over, can push people to try new things, because at that point they have nothing to lose.  Also, if you are going to go out single and explore your sexuality, why not do it with someone you at least have history with.  Especially when you have nothing to lose.  Warning.

During our second honeymoon phase, both sides were willing to try new things that we hadn’t tried in the first 12 years of our marriage.  In the process, we learned that we never wanted to go back to being complacent.  Complacency was our biggest mistake, in our experience. 

A Threesome Warning

However, our experience isn’t everyone’s experience.  Below is a great article about a guy that started having threesomes while in a relationship.  During the process, his girlfriend, who was an introvert that liked to write out her thoughts on paper, gave him a list of all the reasons they should stop having threesomes.  Rather than listening to her reasons, the excitement of threesomes, the intoxication of the freedom to have threesomes, and everything else a man’s mind goes through, had him arguing with her list, rather than listening.  This could be extremely helpful to other couples out there that may be going through the same thing.

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Foursome Memoirs: The Silent Partner, Phone Sex, and Swingers

This is possibly the shortest running memoir series we will have on this blog.   1 post.

So we have been members of  a swing lifestyle website for years but have never met anyone from this site.  In fact, we have probably been members for just as long as we have blogged.   We’ve heard that although we only hook up with women, it’s still technically considered part of the swingers lifestyle.   Most swingers do actively look for a bi female, also known as the unicorn.  This past week, things changed.   We spoke with a couple that was interested in having the wife spoiled by another couple.   They were both in their second marriage and had only been married for about 3 months.  Personally, we both thought this was too soon, but we didn’t mention it. It was stated up front that the other wife wasn’t comfortable with Venice and her husband hooking up, which was fine with us, because it isn’t something we do anyway.  The couple both spoke with us on Kik and talked about how they spent their honeymoon having a mmf threesome with the husband’s friend.   Kind of weird I guess, but whatever.  The husband talked a lot about how he is doing this for her, it’s all about her needs, and he is really just a silent partner that enjoys watching his wife pleased.  He said he was really excited to see her with another woman.

We decided that this couple may be a match for us.  Although we have never done anything with a husband/boyfriend in the same room, it does turn us on to think about having sex in front of another couple.  We also thought we’d enjoy watching another couple have sex in front of us.  In hindsight, this may not be a reality for us.  As a couple, we like to joke around, take things a little less serious, and we tend to use comedy as a way to deal with uncomfortable situations.   This would probably be a recipe for disaster when watching a horny couple getting it on in front of us.

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Threesome Memoirs: Q&A – Unicorns and Their Safety During Threesomes

Unicorns and Their Safety During Threesomes

I am a 23 year old female and am meeting a couple for drinks next week after we matched and chatted on tinder. They are staying in a hotel nearby, as they are on holiday, and have indicated that we might end up back at the hotel if drinks go well.

Unicorns – how did you know you would be safe when you met couples for threesomes? Not just on a relationship boundaries level, but from purely a ‘will I get kidnapped/raped/killed?’ point of view?

I have often matched with couples on tinder and am keen to try a threesome, but the issue of being outnumbered always puts me off. I am normally pretty spontaneous, experimental and confident when it comes to dating, but some help and advice in this area would be great!

Venice’s response to safety during threesomes
I suppose you would take the same kind of precautions as if you were heading to any place that would have strangers and alcohol: let someone you know trust know where you’re going and the nature of the event. 

My suggestion is to be on the phone (or even pretend) and when you arrive, say something like, “Alright, I’m here…gotta go. Talk to you later” to let them know that there are people who know your whereabouts. If you think about it, it’s the smart thing to do without letting people you don’t completely trust them. If you went to a club or party alone, you’d probably put it on your calendar, tell your friends (roommate, etc.), or maybe even on social media. I wouldn’t suggest bringing a gun or other type of weapon since that could backfire. However, in your situation, if you want to be discrete, you can ask the hotel’s front desk to call your phone at a certain time or call the room. No matter what you decide to do, being spontaneous doesn’t mean you have to be unsafe.

Ryan’s response to safety during threesomes
Statistically, I’d say meeting a man by himself is far more dangerous than meeting a couple. To get a man on social media that is a psychopath, is much more common than meeting two people, male and female, both psychopaths, both in agreement to do something illegal. Probably not likely. I’d say meeting a couple is the safest thing to do on social media, lol. Couples usually don’t serial kill and rape together. It has happened, but not even in the stratosphere as far as the number of men raping women by themselves.

We have met women before and we felt equally as unsafe because they may end up back at our place, setting us up and plotting something in the future. We have no idea their true intentions. It works both ways. Meet in a public place and if they seem like genuine couple, go back to their place for drinks. Make sure you keep your cell phone on.

We had a girl meet us and we would hang out every so often.  I’d say we got somewhat close and would play together a few times a month.  Eventually we found out that the first time she met us she had a gun in her purse. That freaked me out a little. We don’t know who we are meeting either!

Q&A: Question About FFM Threesomes

threeI’m the male in this situation. I have had a few threesomes. This one is planned and I have logistical questions.

One girl I have unprotected sex with. One girl I have to use a condom with. How do I do this exactly? Should I fuck one, then the other, and try not to switch back? Do I clean myself inbetween? What do I clean myself with? Do I switch back and forth with a new condom every time?

Is there a guide for positions? The last couple times the girls were not bi and I had trouble coming up with good positions. They kept expecting me to tell them what to do and it’s hard commanding two girls when they do not want to touch each other. That will probably happen again at some point so could I have suggestions for positions for a threesome with two girls who are not bi and the current situation in which they are?

Sometimes they will be confused on how to do something. Is there a good generic answer for this? One common one is a double blowjob. They don’t know where to position themselves. What do I tell them?

These new girls, thankfully, are into each other. I think probably more than they are into me.

They made me buy restraints so if any ideas include those in the positions, that would be great. Silk ties.

Starting it is also always weird too. They always look to me to initiate it, but then they resist me encouraging them. I think I will try suggesting they do things to each other? 

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Jealousy in Threesomes

jealousy-open-relationshipI’ve mentioned before that I once read a sex blogger suggest that a way for a couple to spice up their sex life is to have a threesome. I cannot emphasize enough how detrimental that is. A threesome for a 20-something couple who’ve been dating for six months and still text in emojis is not the same as a threesome for a married couple who’ve been married 15+ years and have talked extensively about the logistics and repercussions. I’m not saying that every couple reacts a certain way to threesomes; it depends on the length of time together, their experience, their history, their levels of maturity, etc. What I am saying is that couples in healthy relationships are less susceptible to the fallout of a life-changing decision such as a threesome. I refused to stay in the mindset of a little girl when my relationship with and marriage to my husband. So I write this blog in an effort to offer some insight to other women (and men) who’ve given any thought to allowing others into their bed.

To begin, it is my humble opinion, and from personal experience, that the reason why threesomes don’t work in relationships may be because of jealousy.

  • Jealousy that the other woman will suck your man’s dick better
  • Jealousy that he will get hard for her and not for you
  • Jealousy that he will think she is sexier than you
  • Jealousy that she will try to take over in bed and make you feel inferior
  • Jealousy that he will give her too much attention or ignore you altogether
  • Jealousy that either one of them will break the pre-discussed boundaries in the heat of the moment
  • Jealousy that, after she leaves, he will ask you to do “that thing that she did to him”
  • Jealousy that he won’t stop fantasizing about her
  • Jealousy that he will call her behind your back for a private fuck session

These are all thoughts that went through my mind at least once, and which I’m sure that have gone through many women’s (and maybe even men’s) minds. Is it natural to have these thoughts? Hell yes! If I didn’t, then I didn’t feel loved and cared about. My whole marriage I was used to having the man who I dedicated my life to to belong only to me. I was never asked if he could be shared. I was never asked to explore outside or away from each other, separately. They never crossed our minds. Even when these thoughts of jealousy plagued my mind, I had to remember that the important thing was maintaining a strong line of communication between me and Ryan, one that we’d been working on keeping open and honest. I’d always been very quiet and refused to let him know what’s on my mind. I blame it on my Asian upbringing and being forced to never talk back. But that’s neither here nor there.

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