A Warning About Threesomes – The Superpowers of an Introvert

A Warning About Threesomes – The Superpowers of an Introvert

Although we have had various issues with having threesomes, the issues didn’t outweigh the positive results:   the experiences brought us closer together.  We just didn’t feel the things that people warn you about when it came to threesomes.  In our relationship prior to opening our bedroom, complacency had taken over.  We had become roommates, able to function and say we love each other without showing it, having sex just to get relief with little to no intimacy.   At the crossroads of our relationship, we either needed to find a way to be excited with each other, or rethink our marriage.  We both decided that our marriage was something we didn’t want to give up on.  The alternative to separating and giving up, was opening our minds and trying things we had never done.  As we reconnected, we shifted back into a honeymoon phase.  A rebirth of wanting intimacy, closeness, and a new willingness to try new things.  Much like when we first met, all the things we wanted to try sexually were discussed and something we were excited to try.  In a new marriage, this gradually dies off and you just become complacent, rather than excited to be around each other.   It’s also easy to close the door on new ideas, open marriages, or exploring your sexuality.  Especially when you marry young.  A catalyst like realizing your marriage is almost over, can push people to try new things, because at that point they have nothing to lose.  Also, if you are going to go out single and explore your sexuality, why not do it with someone you at least have history with.  Especially when you have nothing to lose.  Warning.

During our second honeymoon phase, both sides were willing to try new things that we hadn’t tried in the first 12 years of our marriage.  In the process, we learned that we never wanted to go back to being complacent.  Complacency was our biggest mistake, in our experience. 

A Threesome Warning

However, our experience isn’t everyone’s experience.  Below is a great article about a guy that started having threesomes while in a relationship.  During the process, his girlfriend, who was an introvert that liked to write out her thoughts on paper, gave him a list of all the reasons they should stop having threesomes.  Rather than listening to her reasons, the excitement of threesomes, the intoxication of the freedom to have threesomes, and everything else a man’s mind goes through, had him arguing with her list, rather than listening.  This could be extremely helpful to other couples out there that may be going through the same thing.

Our Greatest Sins

Look, threesomes can be great, awesome, fun, a nice change in all that.  But I wanted to share the aftermath of my first one. I have since had group play, with better communication, so don’t take this as a ‘group sex is wrong’. Take this as ‘this is HOW group sex goes wrong’. Take this as ‘what not to do’. Take this as ‘don’t do to someone what I did’

This is my greatest sin.

I had a very loving, caring sweet girlfriend who was bisexual.  She was willing to start having a threesome with another girl, even though hesitant. It became an ongoing thing. My girlfriend became more and more reluctant.

My girlfriend was more introverted. She would write and draw a lot. One day, she came to me with a hand written list of over 20 reasons why she wanted us to stop sleeping with the other girl.

For anyone out there, if this ever happens, the correct response is to put the list gently aside, tell your girlfriend she doesn’t need a reason, and cut things off.

What did I do? I spent an HOUR going down the list line by line, explaining why every reason was wrong (and some were legit wrong, as in misconceptions), or how we could ‘work on point 14’ or how she was ‘silly to feel that way about point 8’.

That wasn’t the only reason we broke up, but was part of it. I kept the list, to this day, almost 8 years later, to remind me not to be that big of a dick again. 

I dug up the list.  It was in a box of old things I sealed for a lot of reasons:

What bothers me:

  • You are more responsive during threesomes than when we are alone
  • You will try to “compromise” after I have say ‘no’ to something
  • The threesomes mean more to you than it does to me
  • You are disappointed (upset?) when I say ‘no’ regardless of why
  • I was pushed into the situation
  • I didn’t stop it in the beginning
  • I didn’t really know the other girl
  • It seems unfair to take a happy thing away from the other girl
  • You and her always want to play when we’re over at her place
  • I have to keep saying no/finding excuses
  • I have trouble telling the truth because I don’t want to disappoint you
  • I have trouble telling the truth because you are so happy/thankful 
  • I don’t want to be horny
  • I feel inferior when you and I are alone 
  • I feel you only have sex with me to reassure me that I am not inferior
  • You want to introduce my fetishes into our threesomes before you have ever tried them with me, because she likes them
  • Lately, you haven’t been telling me everything you have been thinking
  • I’ve been neglecting my own emotions to save you and hers
  • I’m impatient with her, as I don’t know everything that she’s thinking/feeling. I don’t know how her situation relates to the threesome, I don’t want this to be a coping mechanism lest it cause larger problems
  • I feel you let your excitement outweigh your concern for me
  • I feel like the killjoy, the squeaky third wheel when I am part of the twosome
  • I feel like I shouldn’t feel like this.

Using Your Super Powers To Warn Others About Threesomes

Sometimes being an introvert can be seen as creepy, or viewed as something negative.  How can anyone just want to be alone and draw…or write…or not want to go out and have fun?   However, I’ve always told our children, who happen to be introverts like their parents, being an introvert is like having a super power.  To sit down and write out everything you feel.  To be able to sort through your feelings and emotions rather than ignore them.  And sometimes this super power can make others aware of the things that may be bothering them that they hadn’t had the chance to sort through themselves.  Much like counseling.  

This list above may help others that have trouble communicating.  I read the list and feel her sadness.  I even feel guilty

With that said, I love that the author saved the list and has decided to share it with the world.  Although he admits this is one of his greatest sins, at the time, he was so caught up in himself, he argued against her points.  Which only further shows that her feelings were correct.  Her doubts were real.  And sometimes we get caught up in our own selfishness, rather than making sure our partner is happy.

A Warning About Threesomes A Warning About Threesomes

 

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