Q&A: My boyfriend said if I start a blow job it is wrong to stop until he is done.

My boyfriend said if I start a blow job it is wrong to stop until he is done.

I’ve been in a relationship for about 7 months now. It’s my first sexual relationship and I’ve been trying to learn whatever I can, but I’m still new so be nice please.

I wanted to ask a question here because my partner said something and I’m just not 100% sure about it. I’m not able to give oral for a long time because I get sore, and when I tried to tell my bf I wanted to stop he kept saying to keep going because it’s wrong to stop before finishing and that it’s painful to be left hard. I kept going and he orgasmed without warning me.

I feel really bad but it sounded odd cause don’t guys get hard randomly a lot? I don’t know a lot so I apologize if this is a stupid question. I just don’t want to be a bad partner.

Nessa’s response to stop blow job

First off, you do not have to finish a blow job until he orgasms if you do not want too.  However, if your goal is to be good at giving oral sex, then yes, it’s good to learn how to get your boyfriend off during a blow job.  I try to focus on the positive while giving oral sex, because that is what keeps me enthused and motivated.  However, completion is not a requirement.  He seems a bit inexperienced and one-track minded.  Some men, especially selfish and inexperienced lovers, tend to funnel vision on the end goal: cumming.   If you are sore and he has to cum, suggest alternatives.  Personally I wouldn’t want to tease Ryan and then just stop.  I enjoy making him orgasm and want him to get his release.  In fact, it’s why I enjoy my intimate time with him.  I like knowing when I leave for work, or go to bed for the night, he is happy and has had his release.  To be honest, I don’t really want him to masturbate.  I know, if I wasn’t in his life, he would have probably masturbate each day to relieve himself.  He did prior to meeting me for sure.  Why would I expect that to change because I am in his life?  A sexy, attractive, woman, he has to lay next to and live with?  And now he has to wait to get off just because I’m in his life?  That doesn’t sound right.

If you wanted him to tell you before he orgasms, make sure you communicate that you want to know when he is going to finish.  If you are new to sex, then I assume he is fairly new to sex as well.  Some men, especially younger men, do not learn to be vocal, or even moan, until they are told by their girls.  Ryan didn’t make a sound until I told him I wanted to hear him.  Imagine a guy masturbating alone and talking to himself, or moaning in his bathroom while he strokes himself.  We learn to get off, quiet as a mice.  So him not saying anything could simply be he isn’t used to announcing he is about to cum.  That sounds like miscommunication and inexperience.  Make sure you let him know you want to hear him, you want to know when he is going to orgasm, and when you get sore, find alternatives to helping him get off.  

Ryan’s response to stop blow job

If your boyfriend is suggesting you have to finish a blow job once you start, meaning you can not switch to other intimate acts to help him finish, your boyfriend is being immature and selfish.  He could move onto having sex with you, masturbate in front of you, receive a hand job, or do something else you would be okay with to finish him/himself.   Although I admit, the question isn’t completely clear.  Are you suggesting you’d give him a blow job and just stop and expect him to pull his pants back and wait till another day?  That would definitely give a guy a mean case of blue balls.  Yes men get erections.   And yes sometimes we can’t relieve ourselves every time we have ever had erections, especially in public (I haven’t had an erection in public since maybe the 8th grade).  However, we didn’t have a mouth on our penises, we didn’t have our balls tighten up and feel the slight edging sensation, nor were we in a position to finish.  I would say, if I had an erection in private, I wouldn’t just ignore it.  I’d always relieve myself if I could.  If I didn’t, it was because I couldn’t.   I guess it depends on the situation.  If he is suggesting you have to finish a blow job if you start it, he would be wrong.  You do not have to finish anything you do not want to.  A blow job doesn’t mean you keep going until he cums.  A blow job can be foreplay, teasing, or just a way to get him hard for penetration.  He is telling the truth that getting stimulation and being extremely turned on, and then stopping, sucks (pun).  If you are sore, I’d assume you’d be okay with doing other things to help him get off?  

Sorry if my answer wasn’t completely clear.