V’s Wet Inbox: Did I Have An Orgasm?

1I’ve never orgasmed with a partner or by myself and I feel like I should kind of give up ever achieving on, my partner feels pretty lacking since he can’t make me orgasm. I will note that it could be because of lack of experience on my part and I’ve only had three different partners. I do own a vibrator and I’m confused about something that happened. I was using it and I’m not sure if I was going too hard or fast? But fluid kind of just leaked/poured out of me. I know it wasn’t urine because it didn’t smell like it and the coloring didn’t resemble urine at all. Wasn’t sure I was squirting because everything I’ve looked up said it usually (if it happens at all) is when women orgasm and so I doubt it’s that since I’ve never actually had an orgasm before. Maybe I didn’t look for answers hard enough?? So I’m really confused and I don’t feel comfortable actually talking to a doctor about what happened.

Venice’s response:
I used to not be orgasmic through sex, but like you I was also young. However, I have always been able to achieve an orgasm through masturbation, even as a young girl just laying in bed circling my clit with my fingers until I felt what I now know as a clitoris orgasm.  This was basically how I had orgasms my entire life until I hit my mid 30s. If I had and orgasm during sex (or before), I needed clitoral stimulation.  Whether it be with a tongue, fingers, or a toy.  Although I have never had issues with having orgasms with the proper stimulation.  And, although not hands free, I could always have orgasms during sex if I could get room to play with myself, or have him play with me while his penis penetrated. I believe these clitoral orgasms are similar to a man’s release.  The orgasms that make your neck red, your nipples swell, your body get goosebumps, and an explosion.  However, for me I never squirted.

Once I hit my mid 30s, I started having mini plateaus (orgasms) inside my vagina.  Although not as powerful as the orgasms I was used to, these orgasms definitely produced fluids and at times I would wet the bed.  My cervix also tenses and twitches on the inside, but I do not have the huge explosion that comes with clitoral orgasms.  These orgasms only happen during sex, especially when I am deeply penetrated.

Although I have squirted (spurts) multiple times, I’ve only had one instance where a very large amount of fluid pour out of me once.  Again, this was not a clitoral orgasm, but my body did drain a large amount of fluids.  This was recorded on video.  The fluid looked almost whitish, definitely not urine, and literally poured out of my body like a faucet (I couldn’t urinate like this even if I wanted to).  This one time was when used the “forklift” method of two fingers in my vagina as he lifts it up to put pressure on my gspot.  It felt amazing and at some point, my body sprung a leak.  Not squirting, not a spurt of fluid that stops, but literally he pulled out his fingers and I drained fluid all over the towel that was underneath me.  Now, again, I did not have an orgasm as if I was playing with my clit, but my inner body still went through all the physical motions (twitching, spasms).

I consider all of these orgasms different types of orgasms. Truthfully, I believe a lot of women may be orgasmic through sex but because sex is rough, friction, or they are not really in tune with the not-so powerful orgasms, they don’t notice, or they wait to feel the huge orgasm they get through clitoral stimulation.

With all that being said, I do not think you have anything to worry about!  Congratulations on your first plateau orgasm!  It only gets better now!

 

13 Things Every Woman Should Know Before Trying Butt Sex

Dun dun dun: butt sex. Given the general silence and weirdness that often surrounds the topic, it can be quite intimidating, but never fear ― we’ve got you covered.

We spoke with with licensed sex therapist and Adam & Eve’s resident relationship guru Dr. Kat Van Kirk to debunk the mysteries of anal sex and answer all your prying questions about the backdoor business. 

“A lot of women don’t talk about anal sex because there’s still a stigma with it,” Van Kirk said. “There’s a lot that’s misunderstood.”

So, we’ve decided to clear it up for you. Below are 13 things every woman should know before trying butt sex: 

1. Start on your own.  

The key to enjoying anal sex, Van Kirk said, is being comfortable with your body and what feels good to you. Her first tip? Try it on your own.

“I usually suggest women start by incorporating anal play into masturbation using lube and either their fingers or a gloved finger or some sort of anal toy,” she said. “Really just getting comfortable with the sensation on your own will help when you are in bed with your partner.” 

2. Be specific when choosing your first toy. 

Starting with the right toy is key. While anal beads or butt plugs work well for a first anal toy, Van Kirk suggested something that vibrates. The vibration can be “a familiar sensation,” Van Kirk said, adding that the sensation can ”help to relax the pubococcygeus muscles which wrap in a figure eight around the vaginal opening and around the anus.”

Van Kirk suggested Adam & Eve’s My First Anal Toy or Booty Bliss Vibrating Beads. If you’re looking to take it up just a notch, she also suggested Adam & Eve’s Beginner’s Backdoor Kit or Booty Boot Camp Training Kit. 

Being safe and smart about what you’re using is very important. “You never want to insert anything anally that doesn’t either have a loop to pull out or a flared based because that is how you end up in the ER,” Van Kirk said. “You want to be able to get it out.”

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