Online, Nessa and Ryan, the married couple that pens Fuckblogging.com, candidly and explicitly share their sexual exploits in words, photos and videos. Personally, I love the way they communicate about sex. They’re an example for all couples.
After doing an email interview with Ryan, I got the impression that aside from and including their sex life that he and Nessa have a happy marriage offline. Perhaps not a perfect marriage, but a happy and solid marriage. While their marriage, like any marriage, takes effort on both parts, I’m really impressed with how Ryan holds up his end. Perhaps he doesn’t think himself as chivalrous, but I do.
Ryan and Nessa met after high school and before going off to college. While they were separated by different schools, their relationship from Ryan’s end went from a “She’d never like me” crush to a full-blown sizzling love affair.
“Before I could settle into my dorm room, she called me,” Ryan says. “It was a unique situation because we had never been physical or intimate. I guess the distance created this amazing line of communication. Our special memorable moments were over the phone, our arguments were over the phone, are make-up sex was over the phone … While some couples were kissing or having sex before they had a chance to talk about their lives, Nessa and I were on the phone discussing everything our hearts desired. From how dirty it would be to try anilingus (In my young mind, 15 years ago before the Internet warped us, anilingus was absolutely insane to think about, yet Nessa would listen and then tell me on the phone how she couldn’t wait to taste me.) to where we wanted to get married … Our relationship skipped holding hands, midnight walks, kissing, having sex, and making love. Instead, all we had was our thoughts and voices. Little did I know, this communication would be the key to us, 15 years later, still acting like newlyweds.”
But like many marriages, even Ryan and Nessa’s marriage takes work, an in my opinion, I think Ryan shortchanges his chivalrous efforts.
“I assume my answer here will disappoint because my idea of things men do for women is take them week long shopping trips, buy them vacations to Europe, or swoon them with fancy jewelry,” Ryan says. “My effort is much smaller. Two people, a male and female, are compatible physically, but in my opinion, not mentally. We like different things. We think about sex at different times. We think about sex differently. We have different hobbies. A bad marriage is a piece of cake, a mediocre marriage is easy, but a good marriage is hard work. Everything I do in my relationship, I do to strengthen my marriage. I stay loyal to Nessa and refuse to cheat. It sounds dumb, but this isn’t easy. Millionaires can send their wives on vacations in Italy, yet can’t resist the urges to sleep with other women. I do.”
One of my favorite recent stories from Ryan and Nessa’ blog, Punishment for Being a Bad Husband, initially got me thinking about the chivalrous traits of a man admitting and showing remorse for something he had done wrong. But I think even Ryan underestimated that in lieu of it being a great example of he and Nessa understanding and enjoying each other in a most salacious way.
“In the story I didn’t initiate sex because I knew she was mad,” Ryan says. “However, mad or not, she knew that our intimacy is more important than her being mad. So instead of punishing our relationship by keeping sex from me, she punished me by dominating me in the bedroom. It helped release her anger, and it helped me realize I fucked up. I’m OK with that. The biggest lesson I learned from that experience, is that Nessa didn’t punish the relationship because she was mad at me. Once a woman figures that out, her man will worship the ground she walks on.”
If you spend some time on their blog, you’ll know that he does.